


Eluvian, Eluvian On The Wall

by StormDream



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dragon Age Fusion, Angst, Arlathan, Blood Magic, Bloodletting, Confusion, Constant Foot in the Mouth, Dark Solas, Dom Solas, Eluvians, Elvhen, Elvhen Lore, Eventual Smut, F/M, Grief/Depression trigger, Inquisitor is not main character, Inspired by others, Light Dom/sub, Magic in bed!, Modern Girl in Thedas, My First Work in This Fandom, OC is out of control, Original Character-centric, Original Story - Freeform, PTSD, Plot, Skyhold, Slow Burn, Solas Being an Asshole, Solas is Fen'Harel, guys blood is a thing, not my Thedas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 09:03:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 57,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7428526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormDream/pseuds/StormDream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caramiriel only wanted a mirror, NOT a one way ticket to Thedas. Worst part of it all is, it's not even her Thedas. What happens when a modern girl goes into a Thedas that isn't her head cannon? Can Cara keep the questions at bay while trying to find her way back to her world? Will her mouth get the better of her? Will the hidden God, Fen'Harel, figure her out and cut down the liability? </p><p>-Honestly first fanfiction that is ever leaving 'private eyes only' form.-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet The Girl That Was

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I haven't really written with the intent to distribute before. My best friend is also a trash writer and would only let me read her Fenris/MMHawke if I let her read mine. I'm not 100% sure where all this is going. Caramiriel kind of has a mind of her own and doesn't always follow where I want her to. This first chapter is Thedas-less but PLEASE bear with me. I'll put what I have done out fairly quickly and all the good stuff will be coming soon!  
> Please critique, comment, kudos, whatever.  
> Also! I have a tumblr by the same name. [Lightsoutinabodybag]! Anything related to the story [future fanart, updates, etc] will be there.

   “No, no, no” I shake my head while trying to look stern. I break. A loud obnoxious laugh fills the air. “But mooomm, don’t you think it would be awesome?” My eyes shift taking in the looks of the other shoppers. I wonder if people ever actually believe she’s my child. “Bri we came for a mirror, not...whatever that is” Small pale hands put down the bird (?) statue. A smile flashes at me and with an only a moment of hesitation my best, and most likely only, friend jets across the walkway to another stall. I take a step out of the shade to follow and immediately regret the decision to come here. The sun immediately begins to give me the feeling like it is trying to cook me before consumption. A flea market, outside, in the summer, in this god forsaken heat does not bring me any joy.  Fists find my waist as a long sigh escapes me. Computers, televisions, and books does not prepare one for rigorous outdoor activity and my lack of fitness is just another tick in the “Why I’m alone List”. 

 

  Shaking my head I push the thought far out of my head.  _Mirror._ Our new home was nearly perfect for us, except for the lack of mirrors, even in the bathrooms there were none. Actually, I didn’t particularly mind not having any until I left for an interview with a huge smear of black on my forehead. I look around and spot Briana holding up a hand mirror and giving me a thumbs up. I shake my head laughing as I begin to lumber towards her. 

 

  A bright reflection hits my eyes, I immediately close them and take two steps forward to try and get away from the blinding light. Looking to my left I see the offender standing only 20 feet away. “Jackpot” I scream and nearly sprint to close the distance and admire my luck. It was huge, at least 7 feet tall with the top rounding off into a point like the top of a spade. I can make out my reflection despite the tarnish of the surface and I don’t even feel the usual cringe. 

 

  “Cara? Where the hell did you go?” I can’t seem to pry my eyes to look for the signature blue hair. “Cah Caw” I let out my signature bird call that sounds something like a hawk and pterodactyl’s abomination baby. Chill crawls at the tip of my fingers, licking higher until suddenly it was gone. “Cara, you know how much I hate when you make that” her voice trails off and I can see her in my peripherals.  I can feel her blue eyes look to me, then the mirror eyes lingering before a sigh. “Sound, wow. You know what that looks like.” My breath hitches and a smile pulls at my lips. “Eluvian.”  She steps between me and the mirror. My eyes focus down onto her face and her grin shows all of her teeth. “Trash” She yells at the top of her lungs, and we both break into hysterical laughter.

 

  We bought the mirror before we could even consider how it could possibly fit inside Briana’s small white sedan. What proceeded was nothing short of a slapstick comedy gone wrong as we had to stick to side roads with each of us having a hand on the mirror which rested on the top of the car. Briana held open the door to our apartment as I carefully maneuvered the mirror into our living room, if you could call it that. The space had a large Black pleather couch against a sliding glass door that led to a slab of patio. A coffee table that was littered with books, dirty dishes, and controllers separated the sitting from the large television that we had left on, some game show was on and as I sat the mirror against a wall a round of applause sounded from the speakers. I giggled and bowed “Thank you, thank you, I will be here all week!”

 

  We decided our dedicated gaming room would be the best place for the gold piece and moved it into our third room. We decided that spending more on rent was worth it considering we would have a separate space just for our ‘set ups’. The room was small and on either side you could see our individual computer desks.  While Briana’s space was filled with figurines and art of games and television shows around her two large monitors mine was simpler. A single grand monitor that circled through images of fantastical landscapes and the occasional portrait of our infamous duo. It wasn’t until an image of myself and a man crossed the screen that I decided I was needed to kill myself slowly. 

 

  “I’m going for a smoke” I reached deep into my pocket for the pack of cigarettes setting them on the desk but not before taking one of the ‘cancer sticks’ and putting it between my lips. Phone in one hand I sat down on our patio in my lone chair and grabbed my lighter off the side table.  _Flick, Flick, Inhale, Hold, Exhale._ The damning smoke filled my being and I finally felt relaxed. He wasn’t here and wasn’t coming back, I should probably change the slideshow and move on. I mean it has been nearly a year. Briana moved past her last relationship much quicker it seemed. C’mon Cara you can’t keep wallowing. You have a new place, and while you plan on living the single life like Briana it doesn’t mean that you should keep holding on. On the other hand I spent nearly a decade with the man, thought it was endgame. A wedding, a home, a family. Although none of those were things I ever thought I wanted, he made me want them. When Tyler, or Asshat as Briana referred to him, left I immersed myself into games and stories even more than usual. I finally had the time and money to invest in a good computer tower and with Briana I had gotten past it...mostly. I squished the embers out and returned to our haven.

 

  The rest of the day consisted of us just lazing, some video games here, and a t.v show there. It wasn’t until 2 am rolled around that Briana left the gaming room and I was left alone. I locked the door and stood in front of the mirror. I scratched my side with one hand as the other pulled at my one streak of white hair that framed my face. A bit more scratching and hair pulling followed as some kind of grief over whelmed me and I hit the mirror blood smearing down it as I slid to the floor. “I need to get out of here”. That was when a blue light filled the room, I looked up gawked before a whispered “no fucking way” left my lips.


	2. Through The Eluvian We Go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara loses her mind and steps into an Eluvian.

     The light just stayed in place, the mirror seemed to be filled with some kind of blue plasma instead of its previously tarnished surface. I slowly stood and looked around. I must be dreaming. I’ve had lucid dreams, I even attempted a few out of body experiences (failures of course), but my dreams were never this…odd. My legs and arms were covered in scratches and I can still feel the slight burning sensation cuts always produced. Ok, pain is still a thing in this dream apparently. I took one step away from the mirror..eluvian.. might as well call it what it is. Darkness. I could barely make it out but once again I was looking at myself. Green eyes wide and body disheveled. Ok, obviously it was time to sleep, seeing as I’m hallucinating and all. Another cigarette and I was off to dreamland in my bed.

     The next morning I was even more confident that I must have fallen asleep for a few minutes after my meltdown. Briana only mocked me for the craziness of the dream before leaving for work. As I made my way back into the game room I decided to just stand there and eye the mirror. I needed to get some more lines of code finished before my final tomorrow, but I didn’t want to be near that thing. Shaking my head I reasoned with myself, it’s just a mirror, get a grip Cara. I sat at my chair folding one leg under my body and set to work. The next five hours went quietly. I finished my program coding and checked to see if there were any updates on fan fictions. Looking at the time I realized I still had a few hours before Briana came home. She would want dinner, but I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Leaving the room I poured a glass of tea and opted to have the last bit of chicken with cherry tomatoes. As I cut the chicken into pieces I slipped and ended up slicing my finger open. 

     A ringing and whispers fill my head and I still. From under the door I can see a familiar blue light. Not again, anything but this. I can’t help myself though and start to move into the room that housed the eluvian. I grab my bag off the back of the chair I had left it on that morning. Before I even knew what I was doing I had stepped through the magical doorway. I felt pain as my whole body cracked and stretched, and then I was falling only to hit a stone ground. What. The. Hell. Are you thinking Cara? I kept my head face down on the stone and hit it once. Sighing I picked myself up and brought my still bleeding finger to my mouth. My sight darted to take in my surroundings and with a quick look up my heart sank. The eluvian I had just come through was sitting at least 30 feet in the air on a small rock platform. Well, maybe I’ll just wake up anyways, dreams don’t require doors..right?  I made into my feet and realized they were bare, without hesitating I ran to the nearest eluvian. What looked back was me, but not.

     My eyes were still green, and my dark hair still had my signature white streak but that seemed to end the likeness. My hair was longer, reaching well past my shoulders, and the next revelation nearly stopped my breath. Ears. Long unmistakable elf ears. I’m an elf. Looking myself over I can see my eye are the defining feature of my small pale face. BARE face might I add. I guess I wasn’t Dalish, much to my disappointment. What can I say I like the ink, no tattoos made me uncomfortable. My body is completely different as well, the fat and muscles have melted away, however I still looked much curvier than any elf I have ever seen. I still couldn’t help but sneer, of course I’m still fat.

     I turned away from the mirror and took a look at the infamous Crossroads. In game I imagined nearly no plant life, but there was a surprising amount of grass littered here and there, with pink and purple flowers dotting trees and bushes. I wandered around the crossroads for what seemed like hours. Was I going to be stuck in this limbo forever? I thanked the Maker? Evanuris? Old Ones? Well whoever it was that told me to grab my bag. I took my cigarette pack out and my emergency matches. Two left. I lit one up and kept walking and coughing, guess elfy Cara never had a cigarette. It must have been fate because as soon as I finished my last one I saw it. This mirror had a electrifying green presence to it. It didn’t look particularly promising but what is the worst that could happen? I took off and threw myself through the green energy, running not the best choice in hindsight. I tripped and fell as the mirror crashed and broke around me. I winced as I heard a door creak open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger! more like a small drop hanger. So I swear to you lovely readers that THEDAS WILL BE A THING NEXT CHAPTER. Also, I'm so sorry it's so short. I had originally planned for chapters 2 and 3 to be together but had to stop it there for reasons.   
> In other notes, in case anyone was wondering (they weren't) Briana is based off of King Of Kirkwall (andthesunshines), who was my irl roommate for a while. She is great. Go read her Fenris/Hawke fic.
> 
> I love your faces! Especially your eyes! Critiques, comments, kudos <3.


	3. The Inquisitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara finally meets the Inquisitor, and is faced with a shocking twist that has left her scrambling.

    Stark red Falon’Din Vallaslin stood out against pale albino skin. Stark white hair brushed against pinkish pale eyes that were narrowed in suspicion.  A green light filled the room. This couldn’t get worse. “Fucking Cassiel? Really? Cassiel is the Inquisitor?!” A series of curses leave my mouth before I can stop myself. An amused, yet confused, smirk played on Cass’s lips as he took in the sight of me. “Well. I don’t know who you are. But I’m not the Inquisitor. Herald Of Andraste, Playboy, Ass, all these things I’ve been called but not Inquisitor.” He helps me up with his non-anchor hand but as soon as I’m on my feet he is pulling me back out the way he came and down stairs. It was freezing, and as soon as I take in my surroundings I understand why. Skyhold. It was so much larger than the game made it seem. The main building towered over everything, yet seemed dwarfish in comparison to the snowy mountain ranges around it. The courtyard was a large barren scene with several small hovels of buildings littered everywhere. I had to squint to see the stables that I knew were in the corner furthest from the battlement I ended up in. Overall disrepair made it hard to see the overwhelming potential Skyhold had, yet it was still so much grander than I could have imagined. I felt small, I struggled to stifle the panic attack I could feel creeping upon me. If Skyhold, the place I thought I knew the best in game, was this overwhelming I feared what the rest of the world would seem like.

 We’re making our way across the bridge when the realization of WHEN we are hits me. A large caravan of people are making their way across the bridge. They look tired, broken, yet hopeful. Haven must have just fallen, buried in an avalanche that temporarily thwarted Corypheus. Solas must have just led Cassiel to ‘the place where the sky was held back’. I shivered again and regretted not thinking of layers. I laughed at the thought. Right, because me going through an Eluvian was totally a planned idea. Here I was stuck in an imaginary world, that wasn’t even mine, and I’m worrying that I might catch pneumonia.

     “Solas! Hello Thedas to Solas!….OY EGG GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE FADE WILL YOU!” Cass was still manhandling me through the group of refugees when I caught a glimpse of the bald head. “Alright so why would you lead me to this place if it already has an owner? I mean it’s ruins but this elf clearly was not with our group.” Cass starts waving a finger at me and a pair of stern blue grey eyes look to me. “Hmm, I must say this is quite a surprising development. Now, who might you be and how did you get here?” The hidden god was staring at me and I was shocked at how different he looked. His freckles were so much easier to see, and what seemed like a perfect bald head in game wasn’t. I swore I could see just the faintest bit of hair growth that gave me pause, fuzzy. Both men were looking to me for answers, but the pair of narrowed analyzing eyes caused my mind to go blank. 

“Well Fen…Solas was it?” Shit. I close my eyes. I held back a cringe as I tried to cover my horrendous mistake. “My name is Caramiriel, Cara is easier so use that. I’m not quite sure this is the time to be discussing unneeded details. Your group looks like it has been through the Deep Roads and back. Come into Tarasyl'an Te'las and we’ll talk once you are settled.” I opened my eyes and without looking at the two men acted like I was Andraste herself and walked back towards the fortress. Up the battlement near the tavern and I am once again looking at the broken glass, alone.

   Alright Cara, so let’s take stock. 1] The inquisitor is not one of your playthroughs but is in fact Briana’s beloved Cassiel. Which is great and all, I love Cass, but I can’t remember all the nuances of the choices she ended up making. She chose Templar’s right? Yes. Ok that will help a little on information. I can pick apart the rest of Briana’s decisions later. 2] I got caught by Cassiel Lavellan, in an abandoned Skyhold. How do I even begin to explain how I got here? I mean I can be partially honest and say it was via an Eluvian. But how did I come across the Eluvian in the first place? Where was I from? How did I know we were at Tarasyl'an Te'las if I had only just arrived as well? How did a non-Dalish elf know about “The place where the sky was kept”? Was that last question racist? I sat on the ground and desperately wished I had one last smoke. I just had to be sure to stay away from Solas, who would undoubtedly know I was lying through my teeth. Solas. Fen’Harel. 3] I nearly called the Dread Wolf by his true name in front of him. Bad, bad, bad, bad. I didn’t get a look at his face when I nearly slipped. He probably didn’t even flinch. He had the best poker face of any character I had ever known. I hadn’t seen the whole “Oh he’s the Dread Wolf in Apostate Clothing” until I had reached Mythal’s temple in my first playthrough. However I did know he would want to be near any possible liabilities that may expose his identity. So he could personally rectify the breach. Heh.

     I began to jot down everything I could remember about Briana’s play through as Cassiel Lavellan. He was hated by his Clan because he was weaker due to his Albino nature. He was sent to the Conclave because he was the only one who knew anything about Shemlen issues. Despite their mistreatment he is the most Dalish of all the Dalish. He was devout in his worship of the Elven pantheon, and the heritage he was raised on. My character was the same way so I could easily handle all those questions, or my knowledge might be a red flag. Briana had chosen to side with the Templars, I think she ended up conscripting them. Everything about Cassiel’s choices began to overtake my thoughts and I scrambled to grab a small notebook and pen out of my bag.

   I spent the better part of the day crouched alone in the room. I began to hear cheering fill the courtyard and with a quick glance out a window I could see Cassiel holding up a large sword flanked by Leliana and Cassandra. I catch his eyes as he glances towards the battlement he found me in, and he winks. So it begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! THEDAS IS HERE!   
> Cassiel was not my inquisitor nor will I ever claim that I own him as a character. Caramiriel loves to put her foot in her mouth, and yet she recovers so well! Maybe Solas didn't catch it? Also yes I believe Solas is capable of fuzz, even if he uses a spell to create the baldness I think that with everything that just happened at Haven he may have been too preoccupied to keep it up.
> 
> I love your faces! I hope you liked finally being in Thedas. Critiques, comments, kudos <3


	4. Wicked Graceful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Cara thinks she might have won, but ends up losing.

   The rest of the day passed by relatively quiet, I could watch as the former citizens of Haven and Inquisition began to make Skyhold a place to call home. Once or twice a soldier would wander into the room I had made for myself at the top of the battlement but rather then kick me out they just left with an apology. I knew I couldn’t actually make this section of the stronghold my own, not without some comforts that would obviously show it was occupied. I had no money but I’m fairly confident that the Inquisition was providing for those who lost everything in Haven. I just had to go find the right people, which meant leaving my self-imposed solitary confinement and venture into the rest of Skyhold. That was the thought that worried me, the more people I came into contact with the more likely I am to make a mistake.

   As the sun began to dip behind the glorious Frostback Mountains I could feel cold sink into my skin even more than before. That was all it took for me to take the risk and get some supplies. Alright so just blend in Cara, don’t let Cassiel or Solas see you, just get some stuff to make it through the night and go back. No fuss is needed. Unfortunately I was too wrapped up in my own inner monologue that I didn’t notice the lumbering wall of gray muscle until I ran straight into it. I slowly glanced up and was met with the sight of horns, an eyepatch, and a great big smile.

   “Now why would a pretty little thing like you want to blend in?”  The Qunari lifted an eyebrow while I still stood gaping. He was so big, like I knew in game Iron Bull was big but this was ridiculous. Wait..was he talking to me? “Um. I’m sorry, what?”

   Bull starts laughing “You were talking to yourself, kid. Bull is the name, killing is the game” “I know”. He stops laughing and stares at me as if he is waiting for something. “Do you know your own name?”

   “Caramiriel. But please call me Cara” I start kicking at the dirt and try to very hard not to look him in the eyes. I never romanced Iron Bull, but Briana did. Which meant Cass did, which meant that I know they were having rough dirty sex. “You’re with the Inquisitor, right? Like with with.”

   Another laugh and I look up just in time to see him bend down and look me dead in the eyes. “Now Cara, I don’t think I’ve seen you before. So how could a person I’ve never seen before know something that just happened?” What….again?! REALLY?  How many times am I going to open my mouth before I learn to just keep it shut?

   “Well Bull, just because you didn’t see me doesn’t mean I couldn’t see you.” I hear laughing from behind Iron Bull and notice that Krem (and the rest of the Chargers) are nearly on the ground from laughing. I look around trying to validate that they were laughing at what I said. That is when I see the familiar bald head and pointed ears of Solas. He had is back to us but I can see his shoulders moving and his hand stifling his own laugh. I slowly turn back to Iron Bull as he straightens to his full height. I start to fear for the worst when he grabs me, but I find myself looking at his back as he throws me over his shoulder.

   “CHARGERS! WE HAVE A NEW RECRUIT, OPEN THE CASKS!” A cheer rang out and somehow I was being carried as if I was as light as a cloak into the tavern. Did I just impress the Iron Bull? I suppose I just did, Cara: 1 Thedas:0 . When I was finally plopped onto a table I was not shocked to see that the tavern was fully operational even after such a little amount of time had passed. However the air of hope was lively and Maryden played a merry tune that only lifted the patrons’ spirits higher. I couldn’t help but laugh as the happiness infected me and washed away all of my previous worries.

   It wasn’t long until I was being surrounded by nearly all of the Inner Circle who had somehow crashed the Chargers’ gathering. After a few drinks Varric had not only dubbed me “Streak” but had also gotten into a playful fight with Iron Bull. “She’s not a member of the Chargers! She’s a member of the Inquisition, I mean she’s too funny for you to hog her!” Cassandra agreed with a hiccup and began to overshare on our love for bad romance novels.  “Varric is right! She is my left hand, even if that hand is reading a most embarrassing story!” Luckily everyone was too intoxicated to realize the implications of her drunken ramblings. Sera kept under the table we all surrounded and had somehow started kicking my leg. “Too many gross elfy elves. Hate this one too, even if she has big melons.” Blackwall kept inching closer to me until I shot Varric a pleading look and the dwarf commandeered his seat with a laugh. 

   Leliana, Josephine, and Dorian had all arrived late to the party and only ‘Josie’ decided to drink. Leliana just stared at me with a smile on her face, but I knew Cassiel must have spoken with her.  She was alert and always watching, listening. In all honesty it is a little terrifying to be on this side of Nightingale’s skills.  Dorian sat between Bull and me, and waved off the ale I had tried to hand him. “Oh please, I would never drink something so beneath me.”  As the group grew it began to be harder to really talk to these people I hadn’t thought were real. All of a sudden Josephine was standing on the bench, tankard raised high ‘proclaiming’ we should play Wicked Grace. Everyone went quite for a moment, and as always I had to open my mouth. “I don’t know how to play” Varric chuckled and gave me a look that was both welcoming and frightening. “Well then Streak, I think it’s time you learned.” Two more drinks and the game began, and my memory of the night ended.

   I began to wake up the next morning  and as a I snuggled further between two bodies. My eyes shot open, Krem and Dalish were both snoring quietly on either side of me. My cold wet clothes were under my head and I slowly began to realize I was wearing Varric’s jacket…and Josephine’s pants? I wiped my as I began to recall a few of the events from the night before. Me winning Wicked Grace over and over again until Sera kicked me so hard I screamed and called her the elfiest elf. She responded by throwing her drink in my face and lunging for me, Leliana had caught her before she could do too much damage and dragged her up the stairs. “Sleep well?” I glanced towards my feet and slowly took in the sight of Solas. He was sitting in a chair not far from where we were on the floor, his legs and arms crossed and a bemused yet puzzled look on his face. “Did you know it is creepy to watch people while they slept?” I sat up and stretched my arms high above my head attempting to get the kinks out of my back. Note to self: Do not sleep on the Herald’s Rest floor. I noticed Solas’ eyes widen and his face turn a bright red before he started hacking up a lung. For the briefest moment I thought he had swallowed a bug, until I felt a breeze. A breeze that crept along my skin somewhere that should never feel a breeze.

   I crossed my arms over my chest and attempted to cover myself with Varric’s jacket. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life, and I could feel heat start to take over my face. Cara:1 Thedas: 1 “Close your eyes!” I snapped as my voice cracked and my internal temperature kept rising. Solas looked me in the eyes for a split second before nodding and shutting his eyes. I quickly grabbed my clothes and dashed up the stairs of the tavern. I didn’t stop running until I had shut the door to the battlement I called home. I slammed the door shut and slid down it breathing heavily. Note to self 2: Do not take your clothes off. Ever. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cara is such a delightful trainwreck. I was writing the chapter and the final scene just kind of came outta nowhere. Alright so I know I didn't introduce Viv, Cullen, and Cole as part of the Innercircle. They WILL all be there. I just think both Cole and Cullen were preoccupied with the soldiers/wounded. Also I can't see Vivenne ever going to the Herald's Rest willingly. I didn't want to linger on meeting the WHOLE Inner Circle but I wanted to give a brief showing of what everyone thinks of Cara. Overall everyone seems to like how quick witted she is, except for Sera. Eh can't win em' all. This is actually the last chapter that I have already prewritten. Which means that I might not be posting 4 chapters a day everyday.  
> OH! LAST THING:: In Case you're going to keep track (you probably won't)   
> Note to Self: 2  
> Cara vs. Thedas: 1-1
> 
> Love your faces! Critiques, comments, kudos. :] <3


	5. Earnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUYS, I was so excited by people actually reading this that I decided to write another chapter today! You guys are the best! <3
> 
> -Where Cara must have found the Golden Nug Ticket...or something.-

   When I felt gold in the pocket of Varric’s jacket I had decided the right thing to do was return it. I was pleasantly surprised to find him sitting at a chair by the fire in the Great Hall just like in the game. Must be a fluke.

   “Streak! Boy did you ever shock me last night. Were you hustling us? I promise not to tell anyone.” He chuckled as I came into view. I shake my head “No, of course not! I don’t even remember how to play!”

   The dwarf only rolls his eyes, “Right of course, surreee” I only laugh and take out the gold and attempt to return it. “Oh Streak, you really don’t remember. Man I’m too nice, that is yours. Actually I owe you quite a bit more. So does everyone else, here.”

  Varric tosses a rather hefty sack of coins towards me and I fumble slightly to catch it. “I took the liberty of collecting from everyone for you last night, it’s all there. All 1,222 of it. I knew I should’ve folded on that last round.” Shock washed over me as a looked into the coin purse.

  Varric must have known what I was thinking because he immediately started to say how I earned it fair and square before saying he had to go greet a friend of his that just arrived. He was gone by the time I realized just who he meant by friend. Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall, I wonder if it was Briana’s Hawke too?

   I snuck ten gold into the bag Varric had left behind, he didn’t even ask for his jacket back. It was a little large, which considering that I’m supposed to be a willowy elf only depressed me, but I wanted to keep it anyways. Not that I had much of a choice in the matter seeing as it was still the only covering my top half at the moment. I DO need to return Josie’s pants, but only after I buy something else.

  Before turning and leaving I decided that going through the Rotunda would be the best way out. I attempted to open the door to the bottom level as stealthily as I possible could. Creaaaakkkk. Alright then, Elf me = Not a rogue. I peeked in, empty. I sighed in relief and disappointment, what can I say I’m a thrill seeker. The bottom room was enormous, the walls didn’t have any frescos on them yet but it was still breath taking. Especially when I looked up. Leliana had already claimed her rookery above Skyhold and I could make out her agents working to make the most of the area. At the sound of a raven flapping I worried about being pooped on and exited to cross the bridge towards Cullen’s office.

  I decided to knock, just because no one seemed to do that here didn’t mean I wasn’t going to. “Enter” I opened the large wooden door just in time to see Cullen shut a familiar case. Lyrium. He looked bad, I’ve seen junkies going through Rehab and knew he was hanging on by a thread. “Uhm, Hello Commander. I’m Caramiriel, I’ve recently joined and just wanted to introduce myself” I head a long sigh and then a chuckle. “Yes, I’ve already heard of you. I’m not sure just how you came to join at such an opportune time but nonetheless…oh.” He finally turned to face me head on and both of his eyebrows shot up. Much to my disappointment Cullen’s hair did not indeed look like ramen. I owe Briana $5 for that, if I ever get back. Despite his strung out appearance he looked strong, but I know from experience physical strength means nothing in a mental fight.

  “Cassandra said you looked different from the usual elf but I did not expect this.” His gaze took me in, not in a sexual manner but more like when you size up someone. “Ha. Ha. Yes, I look like the first elf that has had a few too many frilly cakes.” He couldn’t help but chuckle again at my self-deprecating joke before shaking his head. “Thanks for the laugh, I desperately needed it.” I just stared at him with the best deadpan expression I could give.

 “Surely you could not have really meant what you said about yourself?” Stare.

 “Why would one even say that sort of thing about themselves?” Stare.

 “You must realize that you don’t look like that at all.” Stare.

 “Strong, Sturdy…no never call a woman sturdy. SOFT! Yes Soft and curvy” I broke and had to hold my sides as I laughed full-heartedly. His hand was now rubbing the back of his neck in the signature ‘Cullen is embarrassed’ movement. “Aha, yes, haha, sorry, hah, ok.” I took a deep breath to try to stop the laughing. “Ok, sorry. Wow Commander you are gullible.” Cullen looked stern for a moment but then his eyes softened as I assured him that I never joke about jokes.

  “So Miss…”He looks at me expectantly as we both take a seat at his large desk. “Just Caramiriel, or Cara” He sighs again but doesn’t question the lack of surname.

  “Cara, you have certainly made a splash here.  The first thing I had heard about you was quite worrisome as the Inquisitor Lavellan informed us that he had found you here in our current stronghold.” He pauses as if to expect a denial, I just kept contact neither affirming nor denying. “We had decided that as spymaster Leliana would look into you. Yet before she even has a chance to send out her ravens you have somehow wooed nearly the entire Inner Circle.”

   Now I could help but gape at the statement. “Woo? I mean, it’s true I like them all very much but….I’m sure they hardly think so greatly of me already. I mean I only spent one night with them!” Cullen smiled and nodded in understanding.

“Sometimes that is all it takes to win over a group. Now, we have asked Cassiel to let us handle the matter of you, since he has so much on his plate.” I’m still looking at the blonde man as if he had grown a third eye. “For now we have decided to grant you full access as a member of the Inner Circle. Josephine specifically has stated she believes your skills could be very useful.” Now there is an antennae rising out of his slicked back waves. “Unless you think you are proficient enough in combat to be under myself, I would suggest you speak with her first. Combat can always be learned if you wish to be a part of an adventuring party in the future. However, if what Josie says is true about you. Well, then, that sort of thing is not easily learned.” Cullen Rutherford stood up and held out his hand shaking mine. He said a few more words but I couldn’t hear a thing over the wings that were now spouting from him, next thing I knew I was outside facing the stairs near the stables.

  Wait. What? Win over? Member of the Inner Circle? Skills? Combat training? Adventuring party? I looked down at my hand and noticed the small Inquisition logo broach. Was I still drunk? How did I go from worrying that I might be a liability to being a member of the Inner Circle? I couldn’t believe any of that conversation and the whole idea of it kept turning over in my brain. The next thing I know I am back in my room and I have a pack filled with clothes and other necessities. I couldn’t believe my luck and prayed to the Gods that it didn’t run out anytime soon. Cara:4 Thedas:1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know it may seemed a little forced but I honestly believe that The Advisors can see the potential in someone and decide to handle it themselves. Especially when Cassiel is busy dealing with Hawke and the aftermath of Haven. I'm not just going to give Cara this golden ticket and not make her work for it.  
> Oh in case you were keeping count the Wicked Grace winnings were 3 and Inner Circle was 4.
> 
> Love your faces. Critiques, Comments, Kudos <3


	6. Secrets Hidden In The Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cara finds a secret and tells her own.

I had finally taken the time to look through the shopping bag I was given by Lady Sims. While I didn’t recall much of the actual conversation with the Orlesian shopkeep I did remember her assuring me I would only need to pick out two outfits at most. I was honestly still too frazzled over my conversation with Cullen to inquire on why. I slowly plucked the paper wrapping in outfit was covered in and giggled as it dawned me. Each ‘outfit’ was literally the entire ensemble times three. The pairs of small clothes, three tops, three bottoms. It explained why everyone always wore the same outfit, and here I thought it was just for easy coding.  Peeling off the borrowed clothing I began a very lengthy attempt at donning my new fashion. While the wrapping of the top looked great and allowed the piece to actually fit nearly every body type, it was honestly a pain in the butt to put on. I didn’t even want to think about all the lacing I would have to do to slip into the leather trousers. An hour later and I was finally presentable… and out of breath.

   After folding Josephine’s pants and shrugging on MY (Varric’s) duster I headed towards the Great Hall. The sun was finally starting to set and the new denizens of Skyhold were beginning to wander about. I picked up my pace and prayed that Josie hadn’t left her office for the day. As I near her door it burst open and Cassiel is stomping out, making eye contact with me he rolls his eyes and heads towards his tower. Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine were all talking animatedly as they followed the Inquisitor out of the War Room wing. “Ah! Caramiriel, impeccable timing. Come follow me into my office, we have much to discuss.” Josephine’s Antivan accent was the smoothest thing I had ever heard and I muttered an acceptance.

   Once we were alone in the large office Josephine placed more tinder into the fireplace and sat in a rather large chair and gestured to the one across from her. “I’ve come to realize you’ve not asked for boardin-“ “Here are your pants back!” I interrupt the advisor and push her leggings into her lap. “I’m really grateful you lent them to me and that you vouched for me. I’m not sure why you think I may be useful, I mean I barely know you. But you still did it and I really want to make it up to you, and I wanted to clean the pants but I didn’t know how and and” A torrent of words spews from me like vomit. I only stop when two hands have placed themselves on my shoulder. “Please calm yourself Cara! I thank you for returning my attire, and assure you that at the time of loaning you needed them much more than I did. As for your use I wonder what makes you believe you are of so little worth. Especially after the skills you demonstrated just yesterday evening.” A smile brightens her face and I realize that her eyeshadow is actually glittering. It was slightly distracting, as I begin to admit I didn’t remember much of last night.

   Josephine raises herself from her chair and waltzes over to her desk. It seemed like organized chaos and I was actually surprised at how messy it seemed. She gathered a few stacks of parchment and motions for me to join her. “During our game you began to inform us that you knew of all the deeds the Inquisition had done” Shit, please tell me I didn’t tell them I knew the future. “You even began to tell a very detailed account of our conscription of the Templars. While Varric Tethras is a storyteller, you my dear are much more. You not only relayed the story but gave an unbiased in depth analysis of the events. It was most shocking.”

  I begin to glance through the papers she is holding and see my handwriting. “After some discussion with Leliana we both agreed that someone like you could benefit the Inquisition greatly. If you believed it suits you, then we would appoint you as the official archivist for our organization. Your accounts of events will allow us to keep records that have integrity, you will also be charged with preservation of our past conquests.” Archivist? I turned the word over in my head a few times. It made logical sense, I do know the happenings from a third party perspective better than anyone in Thedas would.

   “Of course you would have to go into the field as well.” My heart dropped. “You would most likely stay within already established camps, but some occasional hands on would prove ideal.” My hands shot up and I began waving them in front of my face. “I can’t go out there! What if there is a battle? Look at me! I’m as soft as a pillow, I won’t be able to defend myself!” Josephine sniggered before assuring me that they would allow me time to find a suitable trainer. “To be honest Cara, Cassiel is leaving tonight for Crestwood. It could take weeks before he returns. In the meantime I suggest you learn as many skills as possible for your defense. Things look like they are going to become very interesting.”

  We discussed for the next hour or so the details of my position. The Inquisition pays extremely well by the way. She even escorted me down the stair outside of her office and led me to my new office. It was the small library that I had always thought was a waste of space in game. Large golden owl statues peered down at me, the room was smaller than I imagined but was actually cleaner than one would assume. She left me to make myself comfortable as I ran my hands over the spines of the books. I had an office, I had a position, this. Was. Awesome. I threw my hands in the air and started to do a victory dance.

   I spent the rest of the night settling in and decide to take a few history tomes back to my room. I reach for _Secrets Hidden In The Sky: A History of Tarasyl'an Te'las_ and as a pull it out I hear a scraping near one of the entryway. I hesitantly turn towards the sound and witness one of the bookcases lurching backwards before coming to a stop. Alright, well that is new. Walking over I notice that to the right there is a hallway. Secret passageway! I start to do yet another victory dance as I begin to make my way through the cobweb filled space.

   A large wooden door was left ajar and I felt my breath being taken away. The walls of the room were covered with a fresco of the woods, and a round bed sat dead center. Books and papers littered the floor leaving the room in various states of disarray. I didn’t mind because I was too enraptured by the paintings. The trees curved all the way to the ceiling, as my eyes trailed the longest trunk they widened even more. A bird’s eye view mural of a city was painted right above the bed. It honestly reminded me of Paris, a large gothic style building sat at the epicenter with everything else being pulled towards it. It was inspiring. I finally glanced away and decided that there was no way a cold dark battlement could compare to this. A few minutes of dusting out the white silk bedding and I was staring back at the cityscape. One word kept popping into my head. Arlathan.

 

* * *

 

   

   My first week in Thedas was a flurry of surprises one after the other. I spent so much time wandering around the real life Skyhold, and settling into my position that when Vivienne came to introduce herself I felt ashamed. I knew Vivienne was one of Briana's favorite companions, but after my 'lack of proper etiquette' and 'insult to her standing'...well let's just say I think Sera liked me more than Vivienne did. Not to mention during our entire conversation her eyes kept glazing over as if she was trying to watch an invisible fly circle my head. After she pardoned me to my own devices, her words, I knew I desperately needed a drink.

   I stepped into Herald's Rest and waved at Cabot, as I made my way towards Iron Bull. "My buddy Cara!" "Oh Bull" He picks me up in the air in a grand hug and sets me down with a head pat. "You never come by anymore, Krem is getting lonely without ya" I shake my head. "Well, if the company Krem kept wasn't so big and smelly I would hang out with him more" The Chargers all burst into laughter as I once again poked fun at Bull. Cabot dropped a pint of ale in front of me, I gulped it down like I was drinking water. "You wanna go pint size?" Eyeing the large Qunari I furiously shook my head, but then hesitated.

  "Actually Bull, I've been meaning to ask a favor"  I can tell I have piqued his interest as a tooth grin spread across his mug. "Alright, I'll bite." Without hesitation I explain to him that I want to enlist him and the Chargers to teach me self defense. Krem begins to offer to do it free of charge when Bull puts a hand up to silence the Tevinter. "Done, but as for payment I only want one thing. You see the problem with you is I don't know your problem. Actually other than what little you told us I don't know anything." I really don't like where this is heading. "For a Hissrad like me, that's a first. We'll teach you to fight, hell I'll even make you stronger than me if you want." His eyes narrow as he leans forward. "But you gotta tell me who you are." Shit.

   Looking at the Chargers I can tell they are trying their hardest to not go against their boss. Shit, shit, shit. I looked at my hands and took a moment to weigh my options. On one hand I could just ask someone else for help. However I truly believe that it is only a matter of time before The Iron Bull forces my hand. I might as well get something in return right? Not to mention, I can be as vague as I want....maybe. I lifted my arse off the chair and motioned for Iron Bull to follow me into his chambers. We passed through the tavern and up into the connecting battlement. I sat on the floor and leaned my back against his large messy bed. 

   "What do you want to know exactly? Have you even been able to 'tell' anything about me yet?" I inquired while pulling open my trusty bag. A snort captures my attention away from the task of retrieving my notebook. "You're not from Thedas, nowhere I know has a funny accent like yours." I shoot eye daggers at him while sticking my tongue out. "I know you know more about us than anyone other than probably the Nightingale. You are educated, probably grew up with money somewhere" As soon as the word money left his lips I become a hyena.  "Money? Me? Oh Iron Bull that is the funniest thing you have ever said". "Yeah, right. The only thing I am certain about it that you use that to hide." "Use what?" "Your jokes, your humor. You're hiding something painful. I can see it every time you laugh, or smile. The cringe and darkness that crosses your face for moment. Too fast for most people to see, but I see it."

   A loud sigh emits from my body and I open up the journal. The Iron Bull had unwittingly brought up something that I didn't even want to admit was fact. He saw my darkness, the pain that always festers just below my skin. It had become a part of me at this point, so integral I barely acknowledged it anymore. The mere mention of it brought the panic attack towards the forefront. I felt the journal twist in my fists as my whole world began to blur. "Cara? Cara! Snap out of it!" I take a deep breath and attempt to focus at the light green eye staring at me. "Geez, I haven't seen a panic attack like that since Cullen saw a Templar taking Lyrium." Deep breath, in.....out.  "Bull do you believe that someone could be dead even if their body and mind are still alive?" He nods sadly.

   "Yeah, actually. Yesterday I wouldn't have, but Cassiel made me a believer. Who would've thought that Dragon killing was a line that couldn't be crossed." Oh, poor Bull. Silence passed for a few minutes before I decided it was my time to share. "Alright so, yeah I'm not from Thedas. As for where I'm from, well let me just say this: you've never heard of it. I did have schooling, actually before I came to Thedas I was still in school. Not that the focus of my education helps me much here. The pain is harder to explain. I used to look different, worse off than I already do here. It led me to believe I would be alone for my entire life." I start poking at my thigh, watching how the jiggle was so much more muted than it was in my old body. "It took years for me to finally accept when he told me I was beautiful. Tyler, that was his name. We were together a long time, nearly a decade. I thought he was my soulmate, my Kadan. Well, he sure showed me how wrong I was" I met Iron Bull's eyes and tried my hardest to hold back tears. "Turned out Tyler had another, and when I discovered the affair. Well, let's just say that I know now I can handle violence...But as he left." I began crying and the Hissrad did the unexpected. He hugged me. He told me it was alright and that he didn't need to know more. After a few minutes I finally pulled myself together and decided it was the best time to threaten the man. He only bellowed a laughter before dragging me back into the Tavern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So long! I'm so sorry for the bit of angst there at the end. :'( . Cara is real tho guys and she has problems just like anyone else. Deep seated fears and pain, that Thedas doesn't just make go away.  
> I'm not sure if anyone has seen a birds eye view of Paris but I think it would be extremely interesting if that layout is how Arlathan is set up. With the main temple in the center being where all the Evanuris are worshiped and each portion of the city is dedicated to one of the 'Gods'. Like a pie. Also I know the first part of this chapter feels like it just goes on and on and on. Sorry. I needed to find a way to really get Caramiriel a spot within the Inquisition that made sense. Also, the whole library thing is my favorite part of Skyhold hands down.  
> Oh and invisible cookies to anyone who gets the Critical Role nod.
> 
> BUT! YOU GUYS ARE READING THIS! It really is making me bounce around like a mad woman. I think I've called King of Kirkwall like 4 times in the past 24 hours just to tell her how many hits I've had. I really want to hear everyone's thoughts on the story. Statistics and numbers can only go so far. So as always, I love your faces. So much! Critiques, comments, kudos <3


	7. Tea Stained and Faded For Her.

 

 

   Weeks had passed and every day I felt as if I was going to die in my sleep. I would wake up, train with the Charges in defense, eat, work until I could barely feel my hands, eat, and train with the Charges in offense. Each night as I made my way into my white silk sheets I felt my body ache. However as I dreamt of my own world, a place where these people could never go, I would wake up feeling better than ever. Krem had been the one to suggest I train in dual wielding, and after ten minutes of trying to hold up a great sword I could have kissed him. I wasn’t particularly great at using speed and cunning to get the upper hand in combat, but I honestly wouldn’t call myself useless. Just maybe slightly useful. Alright, slightly above not being a hindrance.

   Iron Bull and I had just begun my nightly “beat the straw dummy up” practice when we could hear a horn signal that Cassiel had returned. We made our way to the bridge as Cassiel, Varric, Dorian, Cole, Hawke, and a stranger rode into Skyhold. Cassiel seemed tenser than usual, even a little sunburned to be honest. The Inquisitor hopped off his steed and stomped towards the War Room. Iron Bull gave me a look, and we shrugged in unison before resuming training. That night my dreams were full of terror as I relived the argument between Tyler and I. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DETEST TEA, YOU ANIMAL?!” Cassiel’s scream filled my bedchamber. Glancing towards my own personal Arlathan I realized what must be above me, the rotunda.

   I nearly fell back asleep until I remembered what the outburst meant. I jolted out of bed and made my way to the Solas’ area as fast as I could. I wasn’t even thinking straight in my half asleep mind. “No Solas! I won’t help you rescue you some old friend! I have too much shit to deal with alright? We got crazy Wardens doing Andruil knows what out in the desert. I have the constant fear of Corypheus finding this place and killing all of you while I’m gone. I cannot deal with your small little issue. They might not even really be in trouble! And even if they were, I’m not saving a spirit!” I stopped just outside the door. Wait. What? You can refuse the quest?! Did Cassiel really just tell his friend he wouldn’t help him? Cass has to help.

   Cassiel stormed past me without even noticing my presence. I slipped through the closing door and just stood there, not quite sure what to do. I mean would Solas keep bring it up to Cass until it finally gets done? I’m not sure. I couldn’t chance it, this wasn’t like in the game where the fight waited. It was an issue now, even just standing here was wasting time.

   “You know, tea is actually really good for you.” I feel his eyes flicker to me before I turn to face the work in progress murals. “Well, I suppose it depends on the tea. Just like sometimes getting told no isn’t always the end of your options. While I’m sure it seems like the Inquisitor is the only one able to do anything, you don’t need his permission to rescue someone.” The man who was once known as the Dread Wolf sighs loudly. “I could help.”

   I sense him moving to stand beside me, both of us staring at the depiction of Haven’s fall. “While I appreciate the sentiment, I’ve seen you training. How could you possibly help?” I gasp in exaggerated offense. “Why I’d never! We hardly know each other well enough for you to be so presumptuous. Especially when it comes to admitting you stalk me.” The tip of his pointed ears starts to burn red and I can’t help but think it might be the most adorable thing I have ever seen. Elves really were all about the ears. “I’m kidding, geez you’re skittish like a wolf on the full moon.” His steely eyes glance towards me and narrow. SHIT. “Well, I can help without physically helping you know. I’m sure I can speak with The Chargers about hiring some of them temporarily. Of course in exchange I would need a few things…” Now Solas is facing me, I am able to get an even closer look at his features. The scars that riddle his face, the freckles dusted across his cheeks, those eyes that are always analyzing. Those lips. I shake my head and turn towards his desk. “Continue.” I refuse to look at him as I gingerly pick up his cold tea cup. Curiously it was still full.

   “First, I would like to actually have a discussion with you where I don’t feel like I’m being evaluated. Whatever you think you know about me, forget it. If I was someone to worry about Leliana would have taken care of me by now.”  I sit in his chair placing the saucer on my lap.

  “Unless of course you think you are more dreadful than her when it comes to uncovering truths.” I finally make eye contact with Solas as I bring the porcelain up to my lips.

  “Lastly, I want you to have tea with me every morning. For a week.” I had to win this man over, or else he'll dispose of me..or something.

   I take a sip, trying to not think about the fact that his lips had touched the very spot not too long ago. Or the fact that my insides boiled as maintained eye contact with the wolf. As soon as the now cold tea hits my tongue I immediately drop the teacup and spit the offending liquid out. “Good God that stuff is horrible! Yeah, so you will NOT be making the tea. No wonder you hate it.” The once stern face of the Dread Wolf had turn into a begrudging smile. He only nodded in agreement before placing his hand over his face and excusing himself. Odd.

 

* * *

 

 

  Contracting the Chargers was surprisingly easy, Krem even guaranteed me that no matter what happens that Solas was in charge. Of course I had to pay extra when I mentioned there was a demon involved. “Krem, you are not fighting the demon! I don’t see how I have to pay more when you’re just going to beat up some stones.” “That’s all fine and dandy Cara but it is the not fighting you’re paying for. We like killing stuff, and you can’t kill rocks.” Solas better appreciate how much I just spent on him. I should have asked for more things from him. Like a painting of myself, or a rare book, ~~a kiss~~....or something.

  Stupid Krem, maybe I’ll start calling him a dirty Vint like Bull does. Nah, I love Krem I would never call him a Vint. I then look up to find myself walking right towards a still irritated Cassiel. “You, Tara. You’re coming with us.” I glance over my shoulder before realizing he is speaking to me. “Uh, yeah my name is Cara. Where am I going?” Cassiel has already grabbed my hand and begins dragging me towards the stables. “Josie said I had to take you to the Hinterlands so you could get more details on all the stuff we did there. God I hate that place, it is so big and boring.” Me too Cass, me too.

   Cassiel and I met both Dorian and Cole at the stables. “I can’t hear it. It only sounds like pounding and rushing water. Why don’t you bleed more often?” Cole is staring past our direction and I begin to worry that he was speaking about me. “There he goes again, Cole I told you it questions were alright but what am I even supposed to make of that?” Cole meets my eyes for a flicker of a second before he turns and walks away. “Cole? Where did he go? I can’t see him! I want to see his pretty face!” At first I’m confused on why Cassiel said he couldn’t see the boy who was clearing petting the horses. Then I just shrug it off and begin laughing at Dorian’s sneering face. “Ew, not with those hats it isn’t.”

   I was glad that my first time out of Skyhold was a place that was easy and familiar. I was practically level 1, and needed as many handicaps as possible. It took us 3 days on horseback, 1 night via boat, and another day by horse for us to finally reach The Crossroads. We decided to rest in the town overnight and heading southwest towards Hafter’s Woods in the morning. The whole trip made me feel very out of place as I watched the three men banter and fight as a team. Most of the time I just attempted to mirror whatever Cole did in a fight. Yet, when a fight was difficult and demanding for my skills they only seemed to be swatting away flies. 

   I was just glad they had my back. I hadn’t been injured once, every time an enemy would focus their attention on me a fireball or dagger would assault them. Cassiel always had some sort of comment on how the fights would go quicker if I wasn’t there. Despite his obvious distaste and lack of trust I could tell that even he was warming up to me. A little.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys realize how hard writing Slow Burn is? Like, I don't want the burn to be so slow it's nonexistent. But at the same time I do.
> 
> So Cassiel and Solas obviously don't always see eye to eye, and Cara kind of felt obligated to help. Also I refuse to let her go to the Exalted Plains with Solas, she'd probably die out there. I'm already having trouble keeping her on the road I had originally laid out, so I put my foot down on that one.
> 
> I really am overjoyed that people are reading this, but I want to know what you guys think. Any theories about how Cara gets back? Why would Cole ask her why she doesn't bleed me? Other craziness that has to do with the characters?
> 
> I love your faces!


	8. In The Albino's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassiel has always seen things a little differently than everyone else. [[ENTIRE CHAPTER IS CASSIEL'S POV]]

 

  He’s so pretty, I just want to pull that big hat off his head and kiss him. I want to run my fingers through his hair and force him onto the ground. I honestly don’t even care if he isn’t completely human, or the fact he could make me forget if I did do something like that. I wanted that pretty little face twisted in pleasure for me. Now if only he would stop talking to that blasted elf!

   I watched begrudgingly as both Cole and Dorian seemed enraptured by whatsherface’s story about Empress Celene and some elf named Felassan. I decided to restring my bow and pray to Andruil that an arrow would strike this girl down. Dread Wolf take her for all I care, here I am the fricking Inquisitor and working my ass off for people to like me. Instead I spend weeks listening to Cassandra and Varric chatter endlessly on how great she is after only knowing her one day! For once since this whole Inquisition thing began I was overjoyed to finally be off the road. Then Josephine and Cullen practically forced Caramiriel upon me. “She needs to get hands on experience,”pft.

   “You actually paid them to help that hobo Solas? Oh Cara, my dear Cara, I’m sure he could have handled it without you” My ears wiggled and perked up. “I know that Dorian, but I felt bad for him. Especially after being shot down when someone he cares so deeply for is in trouble.” I sneered at her perfectly logical words. “Wait a second. YOU helped him? Did you not think that maybe, oh I don’t know, I wanted him to keep his mind on the task at hand? Who do you think you are going above my head?!” I shouted out towards my three companions.

   I heard Dorian sigh and Cole say something about how Solas was hurting so loud. Caramiriel just looked to me with a mixture of regret and defiance. “I didn’t go above you Cassiel!  I simply decided to help another member of the group who needed it!” I saw red. “I know how busy you are Cass. I understand that better than you think. I want to make things easier on you, and having someone as integral as Solas unhappy would not have helped you!” She started to make her way around the fire and bent down before me. “I know I should apologize, but Solas would have kept worrying about it. Who knows, maybe us helping him will light a fire under him.”

  “Pft, whatever.” I stood, pushing past her, as I headed into my tent. She was right. I hate that she is right. I hate that everyone seems to like her for no reason. I hate how she always seems like she has everything together while I’m scrambling. Most of all, I hate her stupid infectious smile and her stupid helpful attitude and how unbearably nice she is to everyone. Even me. Pushing the thought out of my head I fell asleep still angry and confused.

 

* * *

  

   “It’s just a rift Dorian. Rifts are my thing. We can take it!” I pointed towards the cave that was glowing green. We had been fighting nothing but bears and mercenaries all day, it was getting repetitive. “Cassiel, look at Cole he’s mumbling more than usual. Cara looks like she is about to pass out. We’ll come back to it tomorrow. Let’s rest for now.”  I looked at my other two companions and settled on the green eyes of the elf. “Caramiriel, you’re not going to go against me on this are you? I mean you haven’t even gotten a single nick this whole trip. You think you’re strong enough to hang? Well this,” I gestured towards the rift “will prove it to me.” I swear if she sides with me on this I’ll give her a chance.

   The next thing I know she’s nodding, hesitantly but still nodding, and I’m bounding towards the rift like it’s a naked Cole fiesta. I hear the familiar sound of the rift reacting to my mark and it is like music to my ears as left loose a flurry of arrows at the despair demon. The first wave was tough, and took us much longer than I had imagined to finish the demons. It was starting to get dark and my albino eyesight was making it hard to make out my enemies. I could see the faint glow of two Rage demons and the cries of the Despair hag duo were starting to give me a headache. Stupid demons.

  I felt the brush of fletching against my cheek as an explosive shot hit and dispersed a wraith. I mumbled a prayer to Falon’din as I turned towards a rage demon. Squinting, I could barely make out the outline. Pulling back the bowstring with all my strength I let loose a long shot. I head a cry of pain and a flash of light fills the cavern. Cara is on the ground with one of my arrows sticking out of her back. The light is being illuminated from the blood that is pooling around her body. Her. Blood. Was. Fucking. Glowing.

  I pulled my attention back towards the large lava like creature and was about to shoot when it began to glow red. All of the demons began to glow a dark crimson and literally began to melt. I hear Dorian screaming Cara’s name, and Cole mumbling “She decided to use her blood”. I can’t think and instinctively bring my marked palm up to close the rift. Instead of the usual tingling of pins and needles that I associate with closing a rift I feel nothing. The rift is glowing red, shrinking smaller and smaller until it’s gone with a resounding pop. It didn’t shatter. It always shatter. That’s how closing a rift goes; fight, kill, tingle, shatter.  

   I glance back towards Caramiriel on the ground and watch as Dorian is shoving a potion into her mouth. Right. “What the hell was that?!” I don’t even want to think about how I was the one to put in an arrow in her. So instead I’m going to get to the bottom of this glowing blood thing. Dorian looks at me as he lifts Cara princess style out of the cave. “We’re going back to Skyhold.”

   Oh? Did I die and put him in charge? “No! I’m the one with the glowy green mark, I’m the Inquisitor, not you. Just do some magic and figure out just in the Dread Wolf’s name happened here!”

   Dorian hands Cara’s unconscious body to Cole and gets right up in my face. “THIS is something I don’t know. As much as I like to think I know everything, I don’t. Especially something this out of the ordinary. You want answers? Then we need to get back to Skyhold and talk to the only mage who knows anything about these blasted rifts.”

  Well I can’t argue with that. “Fine, but this isn’t you deciding. I’m the one who thinks you’re not good enough.” I wink as Dorian rolls his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

  It took nearly three days to get back to our home base. We rode through the nights and I swear my hips felt like I was still with The Iron Bull. Can’t say it was an aspect of the Qunari I wanted to remember. Cara didn’t wake until we were already in the Frostbacks, only a few hours travel from Skyhold. Cole had watched decided to ride with her the entire trip, and I was a little jealous. The fact that I shot her never came up, but it was only a matter of time before that branch drops.

   The worst possible scenario has happened. Apparently that stupid egg has been missing ever since he left the Chargers at the Exalted Plains. I needed answers, and the one time I actually want to speak with him he’s not even here! I stay with Caramiriel as she receives treatment from the healers and profusely apologize.

   “Cass, it’s really ok. I know it must be difficult for you to see in situations like that. What matters is you finished off the demons and closed the rift in time to heal me.” I clench my fists at her stupid forgiving words. I really didn’t deserve them.

   “You’re kidding right? You don’t remember what happened?” She peers up from the book she was reading. Cara shakes her head causing the one white streak to fall in front of her eyes. I let out a groan and curse the Dread Wolf. We needed Solas, like now.

   Lo’ and behold that apostate rift guru decides that he is going to walk in right then! Hmm, I need Cole, like now. With a quick glance I deplete realizing that I didn’t have some strange summoning magic. Worth a try.

  Solas is starting to speak with Caramiriel and I immediately interrupt him. “Yo, Egg. Where have you been? I need to have a serious talk with you about the crazy rift shit that happened.” He glares at me and gripes about having to mourn after a loss. Oh shit. Way to have some tact there me. Cara is apologizing to him and….holding his hand? Ew, why would someone hold his hand? Is it a flat ear comfort thing? Even if it was, it’s still gave me the creeps.

   “Right, right. Sorry for your loss. But Cara has fricking GLOWING BLOOD.” Now both of the nerds were staring at me.

   “Pardon me, but did you just say my blood glows?” Caramiriel is laughing, and honestly it ticks me off a little. I didn’t say anything funny, yet here she is laughing like I just told the funniest story.

  “Look, I’ve seen some weird shit, but I’m fairly sure not only was her blood glowing but that she was using some kind of magic. Or something with the rift made her blood glow because one moment we were surrounded by demons and a rift and the next…..Well we weren’t and I sure as hell didn’t close it.”

   Solas has this look of deep contemplation, on hand on his chin and the other crossed over his chest. As if he was debating whether the Dalish loved Hallas or Aravels more.

  “I think we may need to let Caramiriel to rest just a little bit longer. I have to consult with the fade, because this is much unexpected. I ask that the two of you arrive at my office after dinner is served.” I stare in shock. So, I have to wait for answers? Ugh. Solas stands and begins to exit the room before turning back towards us.

   “Oh, and Caramiriel? I thank you for assisting me in my time of need.” Solas is looking at the girl with something that is between gratefulness and suspicion.

   “Stupid flat ears. I need a drink”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW.  
> Guys, that was a rough chapter to write. I've mentioned before that Cassiel is not one of my OCs, so all day I was fretting on if I had captured his voice correctly. King Of Kirkwall was so patient and nice with me! It took me all day yesterday to pump this out. We spent over an hour on skype hashing out the details. I know Cassiel may seem like a jerkwad. Mostly because he is.
> 
> ALSO! OMG. CARA'S BLOOD IS CRAZY.
> 
> As always, I love your little eyeballs for reading this! I know I'm not like a top tier fic yet but I feel on top of the world to even get past 50 hits. Next chapter is probably coming out later today, mostly because I need more Solas in my life. 
> 
> Love your faces <3


	9. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter could have some triggers, I want to remind all of you readers that it is fiction. I hope that I don't upset anyone or bring about any pain.**
> 
> Alright, also some notes.  
> 1\. Emma Suledin- I will endure  
> 2\. Ir Abelas Falon- I'm sorry friend.  
> AND  
> 3\. any conversation in Italics is Elvish. I'm sorry but translating and conjugating would have just taken way too long. Especially with how round about DA Elvish is. <3

[Emma Suledin-I will endure]

[Ir Abelas falon- I’m sorry friend]

 

   _I slowly followed Tyler out of our apartment. It was so late at night that I couldn’t help but wonder where he was going. His tall strong body strode into the park across the street, he looked like a terrible thing out of some horror movie. I didn’t care that people thought he was horrible and cruel, he was mine and I was his._

_As I hid behind a tree I contemplated ways in which to scare my lover. As ideas filled my head, my heart sank. Tyler was standing beneath a streetlight with another woman. Diane, she was a park ranger, but most of all she was beautiful. I always thought that she had a cold beauty, her obvious distaste for my friends only made it seem colder. However now, in the pale moonlight, she was meeting with my Tyler._

_Diane’s hand gripped a dog leash, and her wolf of a pet snarled and barked at the two forbidden lovers. Words I couldn’t make out were spoken while Diane tied the leash to the post. As Diane’s tan fingers raised to cup Tyler’s face, and further my heart dropped._

_He was leaving my bed, in order to see her? His hands grazed her tan toned body the same way they would possess my own. Yet he seemed less hesitant with her, as if the ranger’s physique made him go mad with need._

_I had to get away. I couldn’t watch anymore as the man I loved embraced a woman that was far better than me. I made eye contact with her beast, as steel blue eyes narrowed it began to bark and snarl at me._

_I was running, as fast as my legs could muster. Branches whipped against my skin creating welts. The howl of the canine rang in my ears reminding me of the scene. Tears blinded me, I always knew I wasn’t good enough. I knew that Tyler could never truly want such a disgusting body. The inner pain that Tyler’s love had once dulled shocked my body as it festered._

_I need to sleep and pray that I never wake up. I needed my body to rot and decompose while I lay unknowing in a dream state. I wouldn’t be snow white, or sleeping beauty. I would have it that I could sleep forever, no kiss ever ripping me from slumber._

_But, life isn’t a fairytale. There was no curse other than that of my own existence, and everyone here has to wake eventually._

 

* * *

 

 

   I woke dripping in sweat. It was the first time I had dreamt of that horrible night. I wailed in grief as my fingers tore through skin. Yet, they were too short now to draw the blood I needed to spill.

Breathe.

  I realized that I wasn’t in my warm white sheets, ah yes, the infirmary. I thanked the gods that the large hospital was empty. A quick glance to a nearby candle told me it was dinner, I sighed and weakly stood to my feet. My back ached, and my skin was red with scratch marks. I must have looked like a disaster walking through the busy kitchen. Pausing only momentarily to retrieve a washing basin before entering my office and slipping into my chambers.

   As the cold water washed away the dirt and grime, it nearly cleansed my mind as well. I have to remember that I’m not there anymore. This body I’m in, it’s not the same. It still was far from the lithe bodies so many of my new race had, but it was still better. I still resented it.

  Donning my jewel tone top and leather shorts, I heard a curse whisper out from the direction of my work room. Pulling the lever I waited while the bookcase slid back allowing me access to the library.

  “Cassiel?” “Fucking Dirthamen! Where did you come from?! Is that a secret passage way?” I giggle at Cassiel as his face goes from fright to intrigue.

   “It’s my room, I found it a while ago. Do you want to see?” The Inquisitor looks like he is about to say yes before he looks away in shame.

  “Nah, look I wanted to…apologize again. For the whole shooting you in the back. Friendly fire is never cool” I can’t help but smile. Then he’s suddenly hugging me. “I talked with everyone when you were sleeping. They told me how you’ve only spoken kindly about me. No one has ever been that nice to me, especially when they know I can’t hear them.” He smelled like Briana, like candy, and I knew at that moment I had found my new best friend.

  "Cass, I get it. I know what it is like to feel like you're trying so hard to gain everyone's approval. It doesn't come easy to me either." Cass lets out an ugly snort. "Right Cara, I totally believe you. I mean be honest here, you fell into this place like you were always meant to be" He was right, Thedas had made me forget what it was like to hate myself. I never truly appreciated the second chance until the dream. "Things haven't always been this easy for me. I think that I just feel wanted here. It changes everything when you feel wanted." Cassiel is nodding, he understands that better than most. We spoke for an hour about how his clan thought he was a demon, and how being at the Inquisition was like a home he never had. We bonded over our past insecurities and celebrated the fact that we could both now walk with our heads high.

  Even as we made our way towards the rotunda we strengthened our friendship. Yet each step filled me with a little bit anxiety. I may have won over everyone that could uncover my secret, but I knew Fen’Harel would never give up. Despite our deal. I had to not let anything slip.

 

* * *

 

 

   The Elvhen man sat in his chair, eyes moving at the speed of light as he took in the words from the book. My hands began to sweat, for a brief moment I wished those eyes would eat me up like it did the knowledge…wait what? Shaking my head, I coughed violently like trying to rid the frog that had crawled in my throat. Solas peered at the two of us and rose with a grace that gave his past away. Stupid wolf, a hermit apostate doesn’t stand up like that.

   “Impeccable timing, I had just finished researching in the Fade what could have happened in the Hinterlands.” Right, more like you needed an excuse to know things no one would know. I wonder if he had even visited the Fade while I was in my own nightmare.

  “After consulting with various spirits and watching the memories of the past. I believe what you witnessed was nothing more than magic. Caramiriel’s magic to be more precise. The spirits have also informed me that you, Inquisitor, were in fact the one who closed the rift. You may have just been too preoccupied at the time to realize it.” Solas seemed so calm, yet as he glared into me I could feel that he wasn’t telling the whole truth.

   “You expect me to believe that you flat ear?!” Cass’s face was almost as red as his vallaslin. Apparently he didn’t trust Solas’ words either. “I know you think I’m just another ignorant Dalish that is prancing around in the woods. But I know that I didn’t close the rift. So either you’re useless, or you’re lying to me as flatly as your ears are!”

   Solas rips his gaze from me and looks at Cassiel the same way a teacher would look at a petulant child that has insulted them.

   “Watch your words Inquisitor! I am not one of your sheep following the chosen one blindly!” Solas’ face is pulled into a scowl, a face that I have never seen in any of my play throughs. His eyes narrow again before he throws his arms up in the air. “Do you think to make me a slave that does whatever the great Inquisitor wants of them? Shall I only attack when you allow me to? Only learn and say what you deem appropriate? Do you really believe that a Dalish, who doesn’t even know how many things his people have gotten wrong, could tell me I’m wrong?”

   “Listen here you egg! The Dalish keep the history of the elves! You’re practically a shemlen just like those city elves. We Dalish, remember more of the time of Elvhen then you could possibly understand. You see these marks on my face? They show, that unlike you, I know about the Gods and have their blessing.”

  Shit. If Cass keeps pushing Solas it could ruin everything! Think Cara, how can you pull them apart?

  “I think they’re slave markings.” OH. MY. GOD.  I did NOT just say that. Out of all the things I could say! You’ve really put yourself in the lion’s den here, Cara.

  “Excuse you?” They’re both staring. Cassiel’s face is still red, but he looks as if I just said the most ridiculous thing in all of Thedas. The Dread Wolf however, he is back to analyzing me with fervor.

  “Well…I…I’ve heard stories, from my homeland. That once in the great time of Arlathan slaves would be marked with the vallaslin of their owner’s god. Having a vallaslin meant that you were a lower member of the society of Elvhen. My people believed…. That we had descended from the nobles which is why our faces remain bare. We swore our people would never mark our lethallin, no matter how low they were. Perhaps, the Dalish come from those slaves that escaped? So…they decided to twist the slave markings into something they could be proud of. A new tradition for their new freedom.”

  Cassiel looks as if his whole world had fallen apart. Horror crosses his eyes as his hands touch his markings of Falon’din. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything” I slowly inch towards Cassiel and reach for him. He steps back with defiance now firing in his sights.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re just a flat ear… _Emma suledin”_ I can feel his heart breaking just as mine is, I didn’t mean to ruin is world. “ _Ir abelas falon_ ” Everything seems to stop as shocked eyes fall upon me. I suppose they’re not used to a non-Dalish speaking Elvish?

I continue apologizing to Cassiel but he bolts out towards the Great Hall. I nearly go after him until warm fingers circle my wrist, setting my skin on fire. It feels so nice, yet uncomfortable, sending my stomach into knots and that frog is back in my airway.

  “ _You speak the language of the people? How curious. Perhaps you know as little as the Dalish”_ His tongue dances out words that at first seem unfamiliar but their meanings are clear in my mind.

  “ _I have not the time for you. I must go fix my error.”_ Know it is I who is speaking in a manner that is not common. I rip my arm away from him and put my fingers up to my lips. It did sound a little like the Elvish that I know in the game, but it’s different. The pronunciation, the tone, the very essence of it is completely different. Am I speaking Ancient Elvish? That could be the only explanation. How the hell am I speaking ANCIENT ELVISH?

 _“Ah, so you’ve finally tripped little one. You’re mask is slowly crumbling. Don’t you realize that I know what you can do? Did you think that the use of ancient blood magic wouldn’t reach someone who walks through the Fade?”_ I can’t breathe, his tall lean frame is coming closer to me, and I can’t breathe enough to get away.

  I feel my back hit cold stone, and his chest is disrupting my panicked search for an escape. I can’t handle this right now. Not after that dream, not after I upset Cassiel, not after I found myself in Fen’Harel’s trap.

  _“Tell me, do you know who I am? Is that why I can smell your fear? Your panic is giving you away. How do you know me? Who sent you here? Which of my countless enemies thought that a poor elf girl could possible destroy me?”_ His questions are bombarding my essence. He knows.

_“I…I…” “You what? You didn’t think I caught your little slip at our meeting? You are so untrained that you nearly called me by my true name from the start. Say it. Curse my past like the Dalish do.”_

  _“I don’t have magic, I don’t know how I’m speaking like this. I don’t know anything, please I can’t breathe. I need to breathe. Just. GET. AWAY.”_ Solas flinches for a moment and his arms fall from the wall to his sides.

  I feel my weight come crashing towards the ground, my body curling into a ball. Shallow ragged breaths escape my lips as I cradle myself. I messed it up, just like I messed it up back in my own world. “You’re worthless, you didn’t possibly think you could do something right. You were fooling them into thinking you were more than the trash you are.” Tyler’s voice fills my head, tearing down every defense I had, every confidence I gained here in Thedas.

  Solas is watching me, I know he is thinking of how disgusting I must be.  A pile of vile flesh that isn’t worthy of being near a god such as himself. As sobs wrack my body I scurry to my feet and make a dash towards my room. “Wait!” I can hear his voice calling after me. I just had to get past the secret door. No one can find me there. No one knows that it exists. I can stop existing there. I can stop repulsing them there. I can stop there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So,  
> about that....
> 
> I'm sorry it was so long. I just couldn't for the life of me break it up. I also gave away more than I originally intended, but oh well. 
> 
> I love all your faces, thank you so much for reading! I hope that the next chapter isn't going to be as dreary, but we are going to Adament soon sooo who knows.
> 
> <3


	10. Picking Up Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of an argument.

   Briana was sitting across from me, tapping her fingers on the table as she stared at her phone. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. Then another. And another. I rolled my eyes and slammed the book I was reading on the table. “What?” A smile curled her lips, she feigned shock for a moment until I crossed my arms.

  “So, like when are you going to come out?” Come out? Like as in gay? I mean, I’ve never really even considered myself heteronormative, and she knew that.

  “What are you talk-“ “CARA! CARAMIRIEL GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE! WHAT HAPPENED? CARA! CAAARRRAA” I threw my hands over my ears as my roommate began to scream at the top of her lungs at me. Her finger tapping had turned into banging. Briana just kept screaming my name with a mix of obscenities.

  _Wake up._

  My eyes shot open, I was laying back in my room, in Thedas. I could feel cold stone digging into my body and I groaned. Cassiel’s voice was drifting through the room, what did he want?

  Like a wave it hit me. Emotions and memories begin to flood my mind and I fight the urge to shrink back into a ball. “Caramiriel I swear to the Dread Wolf I will have Dorian blow this wall up!” The sound of that man’s name jolts me back into the world. Solas. I fight back tears and make my way through the passageway.

  “Geez, took you long enough. Oh, shit. Varric wasn’t kidding. Cara what happened?” Cassiel is taking in my entire appearance and all I can think is how much he must hate me. “Cass” sob “I’m so sorry. Please, please, don’t hate me.”

  I cover my face with my hands, his arms wrap me in an embrace. His hands are rubbing my back, trying desperately to console me. “Oh hun, I’m not even mad at you. I was mad, but only because of what you said. I mean, Solas loves correcting me whenever I say anything about Elvhen culture. But… he didn’t correct you. Which meant he must think the same thing. I don’t know. I hate being wrong ya know?”

  My sobs slow a little as he explains, but at the very mention of Solas they begin again, only tenfold. “Now little rabbit, tell me what in Mythal’s name happened after I left. Varric came to me saying he heard yelling after I left. That Solas was berating you in some weird Elven dialect. Then he saw you run out, and Solas chasing you.” I push the albino away, which only really allowed me to look in his eyes.

  I didn’t want to tell him, yet as he peered at me it all came out. Well, not all. Only that Solas had cornered me, and he made me realize I wasn’t worth being here. How his words had dug into me like a knife, making me feel like trash again. I slobbered all over Cassiel, meanwhile his face only became cold.

 “Most of all, Solas…everything he said…it didn’t compare to how he looked at me when I finally gave up.” I began shake as the memory of the elf staring at me like I was dirt compared to him overtook me.

  Cassiel slowly let go of me, rising from our spot on the floor. “That. Fucking. Asshole. I’m going to kill him.” I watched him walk away, the world around me coming to a standstill.

  The Inquisitor was going to defend me. The man who I believed hated me was now becoming my white knight. He would rise above to strike down the dreaded immortal that was once known as Fen’Harel. Wait. Cassiel was going to kill Solas. No. No. No. I saw the possibilities manifest in my imagination. Cassiel fighting Solas and somehow winning, only to fall to the cursed mark in a few years. Or, Cassiel losing to Solas which would turn the god against the Inquisition. Both options spread terror through me.

  I have to stop Cassiel.

 

* * *

 

 

  “Cassiel, no. You don’t want to do this! I’m fine, I swear! Just give me time. He isn’t worth this..” I’m desperately pulling at my friend, urging him, pleading him. Yet that stone face is still covered by a scowl as he walks closer and closer to the rotunda.

  I see Sera perk up from the seat that is usually claimed by Varric and with a giggle she is bounding up the stairs. Cassiel only grunts and moves towards doom faster. I dig my heels into the stonework and try to use all of my weight to keep him from progressing.

  It’s working! I can’t believe this actually got him to- oh nevermind. Cassiel shrugged my hands off him forcing me back a few feet. “Cara. Stop.” He is reaching towards the door handle now. I don’t have much time.

  I scurry after him, not even realizing that by this time we are both inside the mage’s office. “Cassiel don’t!” As my final plea leaves my chapped lips I catch sight of Solas. I stop. Everything in me just comes to a screeching halt as his blue eyes meet my own.

  I wonder for a moment how horrible I must look. My hair feels knotted, I can make out a few misplaced strands out of the corner of my eyes. A rat’s nest. My eyes feel weary from all the tears, my face and body covered in dirt from sleeping on the ground. I am a train wreck. I always felt that I never looked good, but now, I must look like a disaster.

  Then the eyes are letting go of mine and turning towards the enraged Inquisitor. Only to meet a fist before they reach the face.

  Cassiel has punched Solas. In the face. THE INQUISITOR HAS PUNCHED A FALLEN GOD.

  “Holy Andruil that hurt!” Cass is shaking his hand and cringing in pain. It almost seems comical until he stands back to his full height. Solas is clutching his jaw, it makes me wonder for a moment if he had to fake the pain or not. Cassiel surely couldn’t have hit him that hard.

  “Listen here you egg. Who the hell do you think you are? How dare you think that you have any right to be yelling at anyone here in MY Inquisition. Do you know what this girl has done for you? Do you have any idea?” Cassiel is screaming at the other elf, and pointing at me. I still can’t move. I’m still stuck like a statue helplessly watching the two.

  “She spent her own goddamn money to go behind MY back to help your sorry ass. She didn’t even know you and she still went out of her way! Not to mention that the moment I find out about it, I’m pissed. I even got mad at her. But do you know what she does? Do you know what this angel of a thing does? She defends you, she stood up to me, her boss, and defended her decision to help you. Saying you needed help and that it wasn’t right to not do what she could.” His screams intensify as his face is now turning red.

   “Then she has a near death experience, and what do you do after all of that? You fucking yell at her! You mistreat her. You make her feel like dirt! She felt worthless after what you said. She was a mess when I got to her. You have no right treating any of my people like that!” Solas’ gaze is ripped from the screaming Dalish and he is staring at me. A look of dismay and guilt clearly written on his face.

  “This Inquisition does not treat it’s allies with anything less than respect. No one here is to ever feel worthless! Oy! Are you even listening to me?” Cassiel has caught on that he no longer has the apostate’s undivided attention. “I can’t believe this. Now you’re ignoring me? That’s it. I’m going to punch you until your hair starts to grow!”

  A pale fist is raised but before it can make contact, Cassiel is being lifted of the ground. Iron Bull had thrown the screaming elf over his massive shoulder. The two ex-lovers leave my view but I can still hear Cassiel screaming to be released. “Wait a minute you were all watching us! How can you watch without defending poor Cara! She…”

  I can no longer pay attention to my avenger as I stare into the eyes of the man who broke me. We both stood there, neither of us moving or speaking. “Caramiriel, I…” The man takes a step towards me and the spell is broken.

  I’m throwing my hands in front of my chest and stumbling back. His eyes dart to the balcony above before landing back on me. _“Cara, I didn’t expect this at all. If I had known… If I had known what my words would have done to you. Curses, I’m a fool. I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry. You must know, that you, you’re not dirt. You’re not worthl-“_

  I cover my ears in panic. I don’t want to hear it. If he says those words, I’ll cave. I’ll want to believe him. I have to get out of here. Things are getting out of control. I look behind Solas towards the door that leads to Cullen’s office. I run.

  I don’t stop running. I’m a coward that is making a desperate attempt. I have to get home. I hit the ground of the familiar battlement and start to look for the shattered pieces. One by one I pick up the shards of mirror, hands shaking. I have to get home.

  _“Cara what are you doing? Why are you picking up glass? Don’t you know what will happen if you bleed?!”_

   Tears are clouding my vision as I look upon Solas. “I have to get home.” Then I fall into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I wrote this chapter last night, but I've been fretting over it since I finished it. Chapter nine was just...so special. That I kind of had a meltdown last night about how I couldn't possibly keep it up after that. King of Kirkwall as always was there to help!
> 
> Guys. Cass punched Solas for Cara. holy crap. Also in case you were wondering Cassiel continued screaming until Iron Bull took him to the tavern and forced alcohol down his throat. :]
> 
> Love your faces <3


	11. Gifts

   I shivered, eyes groggily opening to only shut again by the blinding morning sun. Had I fallen asleep here? Taking a quick inventory I realized that there was a small piece of glass in my hand, and wool was covering my upper body. I snuggled my face into the fabric, taking a deep inhale, it smelled nice. Like sandalwood, wormwood, and musk, it left my senses tingling and warm.

  My eyes flashed open, I was in the battlement. I frantically began to look for more glass shards as if correcting the mirror was my life goal. I mean it was my life goal. My fingers gingerly brushed the ground, nothing. The only reflective memory of the once powerful Eluvian laid clutched in my right fist. What. Where did they go?! I spun around on my knees and stopped frozen as my eyes caught a shirtless torso.

  Solas was asleep, leaning against one of the battlement exits. His arms were wrapped around his naked chest. My eyes trailed down the expanse of pale skin, it was toned and sprinkled with freckles. Not a hair in sight. I felt my mouth dry, he had given me his sweater. Why? Why would he give me his sole source of warmth when I was beneath him? Why did he let me sleep instead of forcing me into an interrogation? Why did he stay?

  Both doors glowed with a thin blue magic, he barriered the only ways out. I tiptoed away from him and towards the opposite door. I tried to reach for the handle, just to see if I could leave, and a spark jolts across my fingertips followed by a low ding. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  I slowly turn back to the half-naked elf and for some reason fight back a blush. He must have just awoke, one hand rubbing his head while another stifled a yawn. The uncurling of his body gave me a perfect view of his rippling muscles. Yeah, I’m beet red and I think the rafters of the battlement are suddenly VERY interesting.

  “Caramiriel, we need to talk.” Oh wow, is that a birds nest? I wonder if there are eggs in it. “Cara, look at me.” I glance at Solas, trying to focus on his face and immediately regret it. He looks sad, confused, and full of remorse.

  “You aren’t worthless. You are witty, intelligent, joyful, and the most helpful person I have met in a long time. I was….shocked when you decided to help me. Even more so when I discovered that you had paid the Chargers yourself to assist me.” Blue eyes hold onto my own green ones.

  “However, your presence is more perplexing as time goes on. No one knows who you are or where you came from. I know you know who I am. I did not fail to notice your near mistake when we were introduced. Then I discover that you have magic, not just any magic but the same blood magic used in the times of Arlathan. I panicked, and took my fear in stride by deciding I needed to get answers no matter what.” I shift uncomfortably at the proclamation of my magic.

  I begin adamantly denying my capabilities. I did not have magic, I’ve never used a sacrifice to gain power. No way could a person who doesn’t even belong in this world have magic. “Lin’enansal do not use sacrifice. Their very blood is a gift that is the source of their magic. It was a rare gift during the times of Elvhehen, because they needed no connection to the Fade. The Blood Gifted did not worry about the corruption that could come from feeding off the Fade for too long. Granted, ceremonies such as Blood Letting may have seemed gruesome in today’s world. I should have realized that while you may seem to know so much, your lack of knowledge of yourself proved you were not a spy.” I’m trying to process everything, but the moment he removes his condemnation I let out a sigh.

  “Now, I will not let you leave until you tell me who you are.” His face shifts from the understanding benevolence to a stern expression. What do I even say? Oh you know that lin’enawhatever? Well I totally used my blood to travel into this dimension that I thought was just a game. That’s how I know everything, you’re just a bunch of fictional characters to me. Well they were a bunch of fictional characters. Oh and by the way my character was totally head over heels for you, even though you went all destroyer of worlds on her. Pft. Yeah Cara, go with that.

  “I’m Caramiriel, remember?” I try to smile but Solas is not amused. “All I can say is, I came here via an Eluvian. It was an accident, I suppose my blood activated it. I’m not sure. All I know is I want to go back, but I can’t. Not until I find another one.”

  He considers my words and only sighs. “I know you are not telling me the truth, but I am certain you are not actively trying to trick me. Not that you can.” An impish smile spreads across his face making my cheeks very warm all over again. “I could help you uncover the lost Eluvians, but the greatest importance is Corypheus’ defeat.” I begin to get antsy. His orb, his greatest source of power. I wonder if my involvement would change anything. Not that it mattered, I knew where a few Eluvians were. I just needed to wait it out for a bit longer. What is the worst that could happen?

  As silence stretched Solas rose to his feet and began to walk towards me. With each step he took forward, I took another back. What was he doing? Oh god, I look like a mess! I probably smell too! He can’t get too close or he really will think I’m repulsive. I feel my back hit the wall of stone and yet Solas keeps coming closer. I shut my eyes and become rigid. Then that tingling heat I had felt when he touched me last night licks at my fingers. The wool sweater I had been holding to my chest is slowly being removed. Oh. Yeah. That. I open my eyes in relief, but he is still there mere inches from me. Much closer than he needed to be.

  I feel a clenching in my stomach as butterflies hit the walls of my insides. My heart is beating so loud I’m certain he could hear it. Oh god, please don’t let him know I find him sexy. He would probably be disgusted by the prospect of us. Solas pulls the sweater up and over his head and as the fabric passed near my nose horror hits me. I had moaned. FUCK. I turn my head down to the left and stuff my fist into my mouth. Really? Moaning from the smell of a sweater? What is wrong with you Cara!? Maybe he didn’t notice.

  I peek a glance back at the offended party, only the expression I was given threw me off. That same smirk from before was plastered on and one of his eyebrow was perked. Yeah, he noticed. I slowly inch across the wall and realize that the barrier (that in hindsight was probably more of an alarm) was gone. I made a break for it.

  Huffing and heaving when I finally reached my room I decide to wash up before trying to find Cassiel, Varric, and Iron Bull. I owed each of them a thanks. Plus I had to explain to Cassiel that Solas and I were good now. Well, I think we were. Still best to avoid him after I made a fool out of myself. Not that he would want to see me anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I'm so sorry this chapter is short! It's Tuesday which means it is D&D night at my house, and I might have forgotten to clean. I still wanted to update something though. I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow! 
> 
> Alright, so Blood Magic is explained a little bit more. Cara still doesn't get it, plus Solas isn't a Lin’enansal so he might not be able to help her too much. But hey, They totally made up! And oooohhhh the feelings Cara has. She still is so pitiful though. I feel bad that she feels this way but I can't help it. 
> 
> Love your faces! <3  
> Also thank you so much for all the support! King Of Kirkwall plays D&D with me and mentioned I had more comments and I literally ran from the table to write this. Mid battle. xD


	12. Drinking In Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caramiriel proves she's a lush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not for the faint of heart. Please note that Eluvian, Eluvian is unrated. Other than that...ENJOY! <3

   The next few days were relatively quiet. The routine I had become accustomed to here at Skyhold took up most of my time. Josephine seemed increasingly impressed with my work, and even had me meet with a few ‘contacts’. However I didn’t see much of the other advisors. It seemed Leliana and Cullen were overwhelmed with preparing for our impending storm on Adament.

   The Chargers had left with Cassiel to take care of some business on the Storm Coast, I knew just what had happened when Bull returned looking conflicted. He was officially a Tal-Vashoth, and even after his meeting with Cassiel regarding assassins I still felt I needed to cheer him up. I spoke to Cabot about purchasing his strongest bottle and I set my sights on the large horned man.

  “My buddy Cara! How’s it going?” I smile at his attempt to seem better than ever. I slam the bottle on the table and put on my best challenging face. “Drink up Bull! We’re going to see who falls under the table first!” After laughing and harassing one another we finally hit the bottom.

  “So, what’s going on with you and that egg?” Bull’s eyes are glazed and cheeks just the lightest shade of pink. I can’t think straight. I hadn’t expected him to start an interrogation. “Forget that! I’m glad you picked the Chargers, if you hadn’t… Well, you would’ve betrayed us, and we would have had to kill you! No one wants to kill our big teddy bear!” I slur my unfiltered words as I attempt to change the subject. Trying to decipher which of the two Iron Bulls were in front of me I see a big smile on both of their faces. “Like hell you could kill me! Plus there were never any doubts! The Chargers are my family! You can be included in that too…”

   A large gray hand plops on my head and tangles my hair. I get dizzy as soon as he retracts his affection. The whole tavern is beginning to spin and I keep imagining the smell of wormwood. It smells so nice. I throw my hands in the air giggling as I beg my senses to take in more of the bitter spiciness. I throw my body into Iron Bull’s arms and look up at the ceiling. “Eggs smell nice.” I close my eyes hoping it would intensify my sense of smell.

  With a laugh and some jostling, I become overcome by the scent I had been craving. It makes me even more lightheaded and I feel as if I’m floating through the air on a warm cloud. I nestle my head into the cloud and sigh. I drift to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

  I dreamt of the battlement, after the night of the argument. I ran my eyes over Solas, unashamed in this fictional dream world. He seemed so peaceful, so serene, I found myself being drawn closer. A soft breath escapes his full lips and I instinctively lick my own. I pull my lower lip in between my teeth as a rather dangerous thought passes through me. I lower my face until I can feel his breath dance against my skin. My heart skips.

  It wouldn’t really matter, I mean, I’m in a dream. I can do whatever I wanted here. I didn’t have to worry about the repulsion that would inevitably follow if my attraction came to light. I didn’t have to think about my heart breaking at the harsh unyielding rejection I know I will always receive. None of it would break me, here in my dream. I stare entranced by the light sprinkling of freckles. So much different than my own splattering across my features. I lean closer gently pressing my lips to his. It wouldn’t really matter.

  At first the feeling of his soft lips only amplified the fluttering within me. Our melding of lips was dry and somewhat innocent. Innocent if you don’t count the fact that I had stolen the affection on a sleeping man. But hey, it’s just my imagination. A warm wet tongue flicks between our lips and the kiss is suddenly wet. I pull away in reflex seeing that the once sleeping Solas was now staring at me. That same look is plastered on his face as when I moaned from his scent. But because it was my dream Solas his gaze held a dark hunger the real one would never point towards me.

   He pushes off the wall and grabs the back of my head, fingers tangling in my dark locks. He slams his lips into mine in a fervor that sets my body ablaze. I’m sinking into his heated naked chest, fingers digging into his shoulders. Dream Solas pulls my hair back and as I gasp in painful pleasure he is taking the opportunity to devour my lower lip. My back arches and breath become ragged, his free hand is roaming my curves leaving trails of fire. This is so bad. It feels so good but I feel a little guilty for imagining this.

  His lips finally leave my own and I’m gasping for air as his head bends lower. With my throat exposed he licks the pale skin before sinking his teeth into me. I scream as he ravages me and squirm against him. I can feel his tongue lapping at the captured skin sending jolts of electricity through me. A low growl emits from the Dread Wolf and I can feel him urging me further onto him. My legs wind around his waist as I settle onto his lap. It would be at this point where I would immediately scramble away for fear that I would injure him. But the thought doesn’t even cross my mind as I feel a hardness against my nether region.

  Deft fingers run down my back and I squirm in pleasure, which rewards me another growl. I move my neck away from his onslaught and capture his lips again. Tongues and breaths become sloppy as we’re both losing our minds to each other. Dream Solas begins untying my shirt quickly and the cold air of the Frostbacks does nothing to stop the fire. He pulls away but keeps eye contact as his hand feels the weight of my breast, thumb grazing my hardened nipple. The thumb is then replaced with his mouth, teeth gently scraping the nub. Lidded blue eyes are still taking in my uninhibited pleasure as my own eyes roll back and I moan.

  Not to be outdone I grind into him, hating the fabric separating us. I can feel the urgency in my loins, and in his own as a twitching stimulates me. I grab his head and force him further into my chest as my grinding is reaching a peak. I can feel my body start to tense, I’m no longer able to keep my moans and screams stifled. With another bite onto my breast I feel the waves of pleasure take me through the roof. I slump into my imaginary partner and can finally feel my sweat freezing in the air. I close my eyes and bask in the afterglow as I feel Solas tense as well for just a brief moment. The smell of musk fills the air as our two putty like bodies hold each other.

  I wonder what the real thing would be like. Would he cuddle with me like we are in my dream? Would he pet my hair and whisper kisses into it? It wouldn’t matter, because this is my fantasy and all of those things were being done. God if only I could keep this little wet dream lasting, if only my predicament was different. With a flurry of if only’s crossing my mind I let the dream slip away.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  I slowly stretched, trying not to notice the dampness between my thighs. They were called wet dreams for a reason. As my left arm met a cushioned wall I blinked my eyes open. Metal cages were hanging in the place where my mural of Arlathan should be. Wait. I jolt up so fast my head spins. Suddenly it begins to pound as if a jackhammer was going to work on my brain. I bring my hand to my forehead. Right, hangover. Note to self: Don’t try to outdrink a Qunari.

  I squint around the rotunda, wondering how I had gotten here, when I spot a sleeping Solas. Sweat was on his furrowed brow and his entire face was flushed. I contemplate if he is having a nightmare about when he locked away the Evanuris. I swing my legs off the couch and stretch again, this time a small little screech escapes me. I freeze, I really hope I didn’t wake him. Wait. How did I even end up here anways? Before I can even begin to hash out the hazy events from last night I hear a loud sigh. I don’t look towards the source of the noise and instead decide now is the time to turn tail and flee.

  _“Who said you were allowed to leave?”_ I twist my body around bringing my hand up to tame the back of my bedhead. “Heh, oh uh, I’m sorry that I wandered in here drunk last night. I don’t actually remember why I did. Probably put you off. I’ll make it up to you, I just uh.” I look back up to the bird cages. “I have to uhm go meet with…Josephine. I’m probably super late, so I’ll be seeing you!” I chuckle awkwardly and begin to back towards the exit. _“There’s no need to apologize, especially since I brought you here. I was unsure where your chambers were, and decided you were better suited here, with me.”_ My blood runs cold and then steaming hot. I shake the hopes out of my head, no way he meant it in that way. Another painful chuckle forces its way out of me. “Right, well. Thanks in that case. I hope I didn’t snore and keep you up.”

  A dark dangerous smirk crosses his lips and as per usual my mouth is suddenly parched. _“Quite the opposite, I found my dreams were the most satisfying in a long time. Perhaps you could say the same?”_ I gulp. Shit. I didn’t moan in my sleep did I? Gods strike me now if I did. My fists begin to clench until they are white and I can feel my face turning the most awful shade of red. “I..” _“Speak in the tongue of the Elvhen or I won’t listen.”_ I cough uncontrollably and look at my toes.

_“I slept very…well. I thank you for your hospitality in my time of need.”_

_“The pleasure was mutual, Caramiriel. I only hope that it wasn’t too cold, or…hot”_

  With that sentiment I squeal and incline my head before running out of the room. Manners be damned. The feel of the mountain air cooled my inner turmoil. I logically calmed myself. Even if I did moan or something, no way he could possibly know it involved him. Solas probably just wanted to make a joke out of me. Plus if he did somehow know he would have immediately made his rejection apparent. Right. He didn’t know. My dreams are safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy.  
> This chapter had me cranking up the AC in my home. Well, not really. It actually kind of was a big tease tbh. Just like Solas is becoming that big ol' egg.
> 
> Caramiriel also has very little filter when she is drunk. And doesn't notice things. Like honestly girl, don't drink and talk. Also don't let your little fantasies run wild. You don't know who may be listening in either instance. ;]
> 
> Hope you guys loved this as much as I love your faces! <3
> 
>  
> 
> **ALSO!! EVERYONE King of Kirkwall (who I shamelessly plug like every chapter) has written a short story of what happens to Cass after he gets pulled away by Iron Bull. HOWEVER She refuses to post it. I'm currently working on breaking her down, so once I do I will post the url hopefully by the next chapter! Wish me luck [BTW this is not me making her feel bad because I know she is going to be reading this coughcough]**


	13. Adamantly Fading pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PART 1 OF 2

  Sun blaring, swords clashing, and general humdrum of Skyhold only made my head pound harder. I made my way towards Herald’s Rest in order to call off my usual combat training for the day, maybe even the week. The hangover paired with the overwhelming shame I was feeling made me want to crawl into bed and just binge on cake. Entering the tavern I can see Iron Bull looking rather pleased with himself and talking to Krem. As I made my way over both men fell into silence and just watched me walk. Huh. So either they are throwing me a surprise party OR they’re gossiping about me.

  “My buddy Cara! So how do you feel today? Regretting our little challenge?” I grunted and slumped into a chair putting my head flat against the table. My eyes close just in time to see Krem landing a solid punch on the Qunari’s shoulder. Good. He deserved it, that big oaf. “Caramiriel, you know some food might help. I’ve been in your position countless times.” Just as the ex-Tevinter mentions food I feel my stomach gurgle. I mumble something along the lines of wanting greasy breakfast when I smell Iron Bull’s brain smoking. “Krem I know EXACTLY what will help.”

  I keep my eyes shut and the pain is starting to slowly melt away. I have no idea how long I’ve been laying there in the relatively empty pub but I hear a heavy clink on the table. Iron Bull has set a covered plate in front of me and is wearing the biggest smirk I’ve seen from him. If I wasn’t so hungry or hungover I probably would have been scared, but eh food is food. The thought is immediately ripped from my mind and regret pools over me as he lifts the lid. A single plate was overflowing with eggs in every possible way I could think of. My face drops and that oh so familiar burning in my cheeks flares.

  Iron Bull is now laughing hysterically, “I heard you like eggs, so I gave ‘em to you in every different way”. I jolted away from the table and with a blink of an eye Bull is covered in eggs.  I stifle a giggle but find it hard to hold in as Krem’s own laughter assaulted me. Bull tried to pull a stern and foreboding mask over his face but gave up, deciding a wink would do. “What? Didn’t you think they smelled good?” Shit. I DID say that out loud last night. Nonetheless, I pursed my lips and decided to make my exit before I let it get to me. Stupid Qunari. I was trying to help him last night! Not provide him with endless material at my expense.

  As I began to push open the door I head a holler of “Or was it the wrong TYPE of egg?” With one last crude gesture I stick my tongue out at the heckler. Then I hit a soft padded wall, didn’t I just open the door? Wormwood fills my mind and it takes me a brief second before I’m scrambling back the way I came. Solas was standing right there, face completely devoid of any emotion. Oh god. He heard what Bull just said. “I…I…” Without thinking I push past the mage and as I once again run from here I can hear the echoes of Iron Bull and Krem’s hysterics. Can’t I just for once catch a break?!

 

  The news of my recent obsession in the scent of eggs had spread across the Inquisition. Luckily, some people didn’t understand the innuendo. Josephine, bless her, had offered to buy me a very rare Antivan perfume called Eau d’omelette. I of course politely declined as red faced as ever. Cassiel however did not appreciate the rumor and any mention of eggs sent him into an uproar. I was glad the organization was in high spirits, because as the set date for Adamant drew closer I fretted over my knowledge more. At the second to last Inner Circle meeting before the trip I found myself screaming at the advisors and Inquisitor.

  “No way! I…There is no way I can be a part of the main team! I can barely fight, I would just hold everyone back. Take Sera or someone instead.” I regretted my suggestion as soon as I heard Cassiel scoff. “Caramiriel, I have been watching your progress. You are more than capable of handling the combat scenarios we are predicting. Not to mention, you need to uphold your duty as archivist.” I hated when Cullen sounded all logical, but no way could I go in the fade. I couldn’t say that, so I was left to simmer and come to terms that I, Caramiriel Dearmad, was going to fight The Nightmare.

 

* * *

 

 

  I was drenched in blood, none of my own but still. Solas had thankfully been a member of the party as well as Varric, Hawke, and Stroud. His barriers that would only occasionally pass over the other members was constantly surrounding me. He wasn’t afraid to exert his magical prowess with me since I already knew who he was. Not to mention one cut and I’d probably take out all the enemies, or maybe that was wishful thinking. I have to admit though, it was hard not to think he may just want to protect me. But with my luck and looks, no way.

  As we reached Claral and Erimond in the courtyard I kept my eyes on the sky. Where was that stupid flying lizard? After a lengthy dialogue I am pulled into yet another battle. The familiar warmth of the Dread Wolf’s barrier caressed my skin. Corypheus’ dragon roared into the sky as Erimond and Clarel made a dash away from the courtyard. I slashed and danced my way through the Wardens and their demons. I didn’t want to think about the fact that blood magic was what brought these monstrosities forth. The same magic I had. As the thoughts overwhelmed my mind I had stopped in the center of the courtyard.

  I was on the ground, something warm and wet on my hand. Then the familiar wormwood scent, only it was mingled with an overwhelming smell of copper. _“Now is not the time to let your mind wander.”_ Solas had his entire weight atop of me, and if circumstances were different I would have screamed. Only instead I turned red and mumbled an apology. I wonder if my face will eventually just stay in a perpetual flush. Solas shifts off of me and I notice that the copper smell was coming from his shoulder. Had he taken an attack for me? Regardless of the slash he still held his hand out to assist me off the floor.

  With the courtyard emptied we fled after the Tevinter Magister and Warden. Every few feet we were forced to shield ourselves from the dragon’s onslaught. My chest began to tighten the closer and closer we got to the west battlement. Each demon we fought fell quickly, and only impeded progress slightly. “We have to get to Erimond before Clarel does!” I shook my head as Cassiel called to the group, don’t worry we’d get there just in time. To watch her die that is.

  We caught sight of the two and as we neared I watch in disinterest as Clarel cuts down Erimund. One, two, three… The dragon roars and snatches the Warden in its mouth before perching itself above us. The monster throws his snack to the ground, crap any moment now. I look around and realize we had backed ourselves up onto a ledge. I peer over and take note of the green slash far below. The dragon moves towards our little band of fighters, with a few words Clarel gives one final push of magic. Varric is pushing me out of the way and heading away from the crumbling floor. I yank against him and start running towards the edge. Bottoms up! _“WAIT!”_

  I hear Cassiel screaming and watch in delight as he opens the stitched together rift. A murky film covers my skin as I feel myself fall into the Fade. Just as my fingers graze what I believe to be the ground I am lifted the opposite way. With my stomach doing somersalts collapse onto the ground, feeling a heavy weight fall right on top of me.

  “FUCK! Oh woah. Cara! You’re super soft.” I roll my eyes at the fellow elf, squirming so that I’m look straight into his pallid face. “Well of course I am, now shove off.” Cassiel's pinkish eyes shift to the left and twinkle with mischief. As I put my hands on his chest to push him away I see him wink at me, arms snaking around me. “I like soft things.” Then he kisses me. His lips smash into mine and I try not to gag into my mouth. What the hell is he thinking?! Both our eyes are open and I’m attempting to see if I can throw real daggers with them in the Fade. He only stops the assault once I hear a throat clearing. As my vision is finally more than just a pale face clad in Falon’din I take stock of my companions.

  Varric is laughing hysterically while elbowing a shocked Hawke and Stroud. However it is Solas’ fuming face that has taken me aback, blue eyes narrowed and a white fist covering his mouth. He probably thought we were ruining his precious “I’m in the fade!” moment. I listen as Hawke inquires if we are dead and Solas drops the ball “No, this is the fade. The Inquisitor opened a rift. We came through…and survived.” I rub my hand against my lips before I speak up “Bet you never thought you’d be here physically. Hey guys look, it’s the Black City!” I feel Solas staring at me as I point towards the cityscape. If I’m going to be here, I’m having some dialogue.

  The conversation continues as I decide to run my hands against everything I see. That film I felt on my skin when entering the Fade is covering everything. I step hesitantly towards the water and bend down running my hands through it. _“I wouldn’t suggest quenching your thirst with that”_ Solas had come up behind me, I get to my feet and notice the group had started wandering up the stairs. “I don’t think you should keep speaking to me in that language. It would give people the wrong ideas.” I hear a questioning oh escape his lips and decide to elaborate. “You know, elves talking in a language we don’t know, must be plotting.” Before he can reply I jog over to Varric, anxiously waiting to see the spirit who helps us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO everyone.  
> So announcements!  
> KING OF KIRKWALL HAS POSTED THE CHAPTER. Please go over to her profile and read it. <3  
> also I made a thing:  
> http://lightsoutinabodybag.tumblr.com/post/147414215391/guys-i-made-cara-also-i-will-never-ever-art  
> IT'S CARA! In case you wanted to know. BTW I love fanart. coughcough.
> 
> Third, this chapter had to be broken up. sorry. Plus I'm currently watching Critical Role and it is hard to focus.  
> So enjoy this for now <3  
> Love your faces


	14. Adamently Fading pt:2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of 2.

   “Is this what it’s like in when your guys' dream?” Varric glances around the surroundings eyes lingering on the toxic looking water. I shake my head, “No, well not for me at least. It’s only like this because we’re all here physically. I’m sure it doesn’t like us being here, the Fade that is.” I cautiously glance towards Solas before continuing. “Can you imagine if the Fade was one with the world, Varric? If even you could see things like this?” The dwarf chuckles clapping a hand on my back. “That’d make a pretty good book Streak. Mind if I borrow it?” I smile half heartily and flinch when I notice Solas glaring at me. Yep, shouldn’t have said that. Varric then walks over to Hawke and begins to discuss their previous trip through the fade.

  “Everyone, we must all remained focused on returning through the rift. The Fade will lead us where we need to go.” I hear another sharp intake of breath and smirk as I cut off his next round of speech. “The demon that lives here is certainly fearful, we should probably be wary of manipulation. Don’t you agree Solas?” I can’t help but giggle, the way his nose crunches up when he scowls is too cute.

  Cassiel turns to me eyes betraying his confusion. “You know a lot about the Fade…” Shit. Yep, that’s why I’m not supposed to talk. “Yeah, uhm. I like to read a lot and I found quite a few tomes on the Fade.” I bound of ahead up the stairs before I can put my foot in my mouth even more. That’s when I spot her, it, whatever, the spirit of faith is standing calmly. The wrinkled face of Divine Justinia a perfect mask. I had never seen the real life version of the woman, but man I can only guess that this spirit was an exact copy.

  Allowing my feet to halt and feign a look of shock as the rest of the group catches up. I wonder how Cassiel will react to seeing the once dead divine standing so calmly there. One, two.. “Divine Justinia? I don’t understand. I thought, we all thought, you were dead.” The kind wrinkled face only smiles and greets the Champion and Warden before turning to Cassiel. Who was staring at her eyes wide and mouth gaping in disbelief. Everyone had a similar look, except for me. I watched as my entire party was enraptured by every truth the spirit told. They all seemed shocked at the fact the demon who runs this area is under Corypheus’s demand, and The Nightmare was responsible for the false calling.

  I only readied my blades, none of this was news to me. I just wanted to fight, get Cassiel back his memories, and get the hell out of this place. Maybe if we do it fast enough we won’t have to deal with the boss fight at all! Ok, wishful thinking I know. But I didn’t expect to be here, and I didn’t want to hear what the Nightmare said about me. Nor did I want anyone else to, because I doubt it would speak Ancient Elvhen like it did for Solas. Stupid Dread Wolf gets to keep his secrets hidden, jokes on him because the whole fandom knew what it said anyways.

  As the spirit motioned towards the wraiths holding Cassiel’s memories I leapt into action. The others not far behind me. Slicing the thing into pieces I watched as a small flicker of light was the only remains. Each time Cassiel would come up to the lights and hold out his hand. Pieces of conversation moved through the air, before finally the last memory. I watched as Cassiel gripped his head, before my own mind became assaulted by a third person perspective of the scene. The divine being held afloat by Wardens, Corypheus attempting to use her as a sacrifice, Cassiel ruining his plans. Then it was over, and the spirit was once again before us.

  Hawke became increasingly irate towards Stroud and I can feel his seething anger as Cassiel spoke to the spirit. He finally snapped at Stroud, angered by the fact Wardens were clearly involved. Stroud was extremely level headed and brushed off the argument. Without further ado we were moving back through the landscape. Small hordes of demons popping up every now and then, I decided to lead ahead of everyone else. I didn’t pay much mind to the banter until I heard Cassiel and Varric snicker at something Solas had mentioned. Turning I saw him red faced and glaring at the two hyenas.

  “What? Did I miss something?” That only received more giggles as the group passed me. “Oh, nothing. Solas was just saying the Nightmare will weaken our resolve. Ya know since fear is as old as desire.” Cassiel choked out. How is that funny? I looked to Hawke, hoping I would get a straight answer. “Varric implied that Solas would prefer a desire demon to weaken his resolve.” Still not that funny. I shrugged and glance back at Solas who quickly looked away from me. Must be a ‘had to be there’ sort of thing.

  We slowly climbed up the stairs as I could hear Nightmare’s voice taunting Cassiel. As far as introductions go, this one took it for most eloquent. Ok, now that Nightmare has said he is returning Cassiel’s fears to him I ready myself for the spiders. I hear Cassiel curse only I don’t see the spiders, only elven figures made entirely out of blood. It made me hesitate, as my blood ran ice cold. Quick work of the figures and the Nightmare began taunting again.

  “Once again, Hawke is in danger because of you, Varric. You found the red lyrium. You brought Hawke here…”

“Just keep talking, Smiley.”

 The sound of the Nightmare chuckling sends shivers down my spine. Leave it to Varric to give an ancient powerful demon a nickname like Smiley. I pat his back before giving him a reassuring smile and thumbs up.

  We must be overpowered for this quest, each demon fell before us without an issue. We hadn’t even began to touch our potion supplies. As I stabbed a wraith I hear the familiar sound of the Nightmare again.

_“Have you learned, trickster? That was no victory. Your pride will be your death”_

“ _Nothing is inevitable.”_

  Hey! I could understand what he said! Glancing around I see Cassiel looking irritated. “What did he say to you? Why couldn’t I understand it?” Cassiel is barreling towards the stoic apostate. “It merely spoke in a language I learned while traveling the Fade. It knew I would fear my knowledge would be used against me.” Slick. I almost believed him, of course I knew better. Cassiel seemed convinced and we powered on.

  The taunts were rather eye opening, especially when Fenris was threatened. Guess Briana got her wish. As more of the blood elves, popped up Solas began to explain they were manifestations of what we fear most. With the reminder, I decide to grab Solas’s hand and pull him to the back of the group with me.

“I don’t understand that. I mean, what I’m seeing is definitely frightening. I just, I don’t know why it would choose that.” As turn my attention away from the group I see Solas staring down. I was still holding his hand. I quickly drop it and apologize. Great going Cara, why don’t you upset the man when you need his advice.

  “I find that sometimes we don’t always realize what it is we truly fear.” His eyes linger on my own before he clears his throat. I nod and try to process exactly what he said. Right, I mean. I can always look and see if my tombstone gives any clues. I spotted our companions speaking again with Justinia and rush over just in time to join the fray.

  Cassiel looks hurt by what this memory had to show. I think he didn’t expect for some stranger to sacrifice themselves for him like the Divine did. The spirit of faith reveals its true self, just in time for Stroud and Hawke to bicker. The fate of the Wardens and everyone’s opinions on it gets brought up. Before Cassiel can state his own stance I throw my hands between the two men. “Hey! Now is totally not the time to be doing this. We’re not even sure if we’re all going to make it out of here in one piece. I agree it may be something to discuss, however let us reconvene on the subject in a better environment. Oh like I don’t know, anywhere but the Fade?!”

All of the men look at me before finally caving in. Right, listen to the elf girl, or she’ll sit on you. More nightmares popped up and both Hawke and Stroud fell in line together behind Cassiel. More fighting and with help of the spirit we had reached the large area with floating chunks of land. As we trekked through water my heart began to be faster. The graveyard was so close. Of course I had the worst luck when I was still fighting a wraith as the rest of the group made their way inside to examine the tombstones.

  I bound over to them as they’re taking in the epitaphs, Solas was in the corner of the graveyard by himself when I see him summon magic and break something. We all headed towards him only to find a headstone that was in pieces, only one piece was large enough to read what it said. Cara. It was mine! He. HE DESTROYED IT. Without thinking I rush the once god blind rage taking over. Cassiel and Hawke had caught me just while I was still out of reach. I was thrashing and kicking.

  “Why did you do that?! How could you? It’s not fair that everyone gets to know what their biggest fear is! How am I supposed to grow!?” I’m screaming as the thoughts fill my head. I knew my anger made no sense, but I couldn’t help it. Who did he think he was? “Why do you hate me?” I lost all my energy and fell into Cassiel’s arms. A rejuvenation potion was pressing to my lips, and I drank it in. Standing up slowly I walked over to Solas. That stupid stoic face plastered on, so I slapped him. “You knew I wanted to know.” I stomped away, if I wasn’t allowed to make sense of my fears than I wanted out. More than I did before.

  I barely remembered the rest of our time in the Fade. Each blood elf I came across only made my mind shut down more. I was nothing but instincts, I refused to contemplate on anything for longer than a second. I became a killing machine, bent on destroying everything related to fear. Even when we fought the aspect of the Nightmare I didn’t hesitate. Slashing and slicing. Finally after the battle I ran ahead leaving the Fade before anyone else could. I didn’t even stop to see who Cassiel chose to stay behind.

  Once back in the Hissing Wastes I strode past the remaining Inquisition forces and demons still fighting. I only stopped once I made it out of Adamant fortress and into the camp we had set up for wounded. Finding an empty cot I laid down, still not letting any thoughts in my mind, as I fell asleep. Of course my dreams were nightmares, filled with a slew of blood covered elves all standing high above me. Only they did not attack me, instead they turned and walked away. As if my presence wasn’t even worth a fight. It made my stomach tangle as I needlessly wept into my hands.

  “There was a reason I did it.” I looked up and saw Solas. I ignored this figment of my dream, I wasn’t in the mood. “I’m sorry I have entered into your dreams, but I feel this is the safest place for us to talk.” My tears suddenly stopped as his words dawned on me. He was actually here? My hands became fists and I punched him square in the jaw.

  “First you desecrate my tombstone and now you have the audacity to enter my dreams? What is wrong with you? How did you even get in here!?” I start pacing, throwing my hands in the air. Like did they not have fucking manners in Arlathan or something?

  “Entering the dreams of others is not difficult for me. Especially if I’m resting near the one whose dreams I wish to walk in.” He doesn’t even bother touching the obvious bruise I left on his face. Note to self: hit him harder next time. Wait.

  “You’re sleeping near me…” Solas nods as gears start to turn in my head. “Have you…ever come to me in my dreams before?” I gulp nervously. Please say no. When no reply comes I see Solas staring at the ground in guilt.

  No. no. no. no. no. no. I fall to the ground my mind refusing to process anything other than the implications. If Solas has come to me before, and it’s easier if he is near the dreamer. Then, the time I slept in the rotunda, when I had my fantasy. He had seen me, practically forcing myself upon a doppleganger. A doppleganger that I used as a puppet to live out some perverted scene. Oh gods.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I know this one was another long one. I hope you understand why I had decided to break it all up in two parts. I just had a very specific goal I needed Cara to come across.
> 
> Also, what are with those blood elves? And why did Solas break her fear tombstone?! but more importantly...how the heck is she going to deal with this little piece of 'I've been in your dreams' knowledge? 
> 
> I hope you all love this. I really would appreciate feedback and theories etcetc. 
> 
> Love your faces <3


	15. Rude Awakening

  Realization had hit me like a train. I feel weighted by my transgression, and as I crumple to the ground I imagine the walls of my apartment. I try to remember the time Briana had been particularly harsh on me. I had broken a plate? No, it was when I forgot to pay the internet bill on time. I slowly hear her voice as her likeness shimmers before me. Yes, that’s it, shut him out. The walls are thrust up between Solas and I. Good, this is what I wanted.

  Only the voice chastising me is getting deeper. I feel pokes against my sides that pinch hard at the fat dwelling there. I’m lying beside Tyler, he is spent from our recent romp and as always he is tearing my inadequacy to the forefront.

  “I can’t even cum from your body. It’s getting so tiring to do it myself. What’s the point of sex if I end up just masturbating anyways?” My skin is bruising easily at his onslaught and tears tickle behind my eyes. No, I don’t want to remember this.

  “You’re so lucky you have someone as understanding as me Cara. No man would ever be attracted to you, and you know that. I’m so nice to take pity on you. If it weren’t for me you’d probably die a lonely virgin.” I turn away from him and slowly bring my knees to my chest. He growls at the removal of his stress ball and pulls my hair. It hurts.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You know you like it when I touch you. Come back here you lard.” He yanks hard and I whimper. Just let him go to sleep, please. “Tell me thank you for loving you, you owe me that.” I mumble the words before he smiles and kisses my lips. He slowly backs away and begins to take out his laptop to please himself again. The ever growing worthlessness consumes me. I’m not good enough for him, I don’t deserve him. My thoughts echo through the dreamscape.

  I owe my entire being to him. If Tyler hadn’t noticed me I would have never known what affection was. No one could ever look at this body, at me, with any sort of attraction. Luckily Tyler is greater than the physical needs so many have. He saw my brain, and has let the displeasing sight mean nothing. That’s right. I mean nothing. Just as the thought breaks down my mind I feel a powerful burst of energy causing everything to shatter.

_“Caramiriel.”_ I’m still in the fetal position only there is no soft bed underneath me but rather the formless ground of my dream. _“Who was that? Where was that?”_ I bite my lip, why was he still here? I had honestly forgotten about him, about the fact I had practically dream raped my imaginary Solas in front of him. I feel a warm hand reach down onto my shoulder and I cringe. No, I was better than the human me. I didn’t need pity, I didn’t need affection.

  “Ignore it. Just leave wolf.” I pick myself up and bite out the words. I didn’t even care enough to pretend, I didn’t want this trickster here anymore _. “No, I came to explain my actions in the Fade. You must hear my reasoni-“ “I said leave, traitor!”_

  Hurt flashes through his eyes for a brief moment, making me feel a tad guilty. However he brushes away the emotions and puts on his mask, all pity for me leaving him. Good, that’s how it should be.

_“Evanuris.”_ What? What did the Elvhen pantheon have to do with anything?! Did he think that reminding me of his power would keep me from forcing him away?

  Blue gray eyes narrowed as my confusion became apparent. _“You want me to believe that you don’t know why the word Evanuris was engraved on your tombstone?”_ At this I begin to laugh. Yeah right, my deepest fear is the Elvhen pantheon, the sealed away pantheon. Solas looks serious, even a little irritated.

_“It said the Elvhen pantheon was my ultimate fear? Maybe our tombstones got mixed up?”_ Solas looks away and his face turns white as he slowly disagrees.  He then begins to theorize that it may have to do with my changed memories. That gets me riled up, he’s spouting nonsense. Only I vaguely remember something, a brief moment while in the fade when the Nightmare called out. Of course at the time I had already shut down, so I wasn’t the least bit phased by its words.

**_“Oh little red one, funny you should choose a name so close yet so far from the truth. Do you think your memories are real? How funny. You can never go back, not after the tear. And soon everything you know will crash around you. They shall rise, and remember you.”_ **

  I recall the words, it had chosen the language only two of us speak. Cassiel had even grilled Solas at the meaning behind its words, not knowing it was directed at me. Solas covered for me, did he cover for me at the graveyard too? He must have believed that my epitaph would bring questions from the Inquisitor. Yet the most perplexing of it all was what the implications were. I can’t go home, and who will rise? The Evanuris? Will they know I don’t belong in this world and punish me for hindering their return?

  I start to panic, and as I feel the vice beginning to grip my chest I let the words spoken by the Nightmare ring through my dream. A broken record skipping and repeating the taunt. It was a lie, a lie of half-truths but a lie nonetheless. Just the same as Varric’s, and Hawke’s, and everyone else’s. I slowly calm myself, and the air becomes silent once again. I remember I’m not alone and glance hesitantly at the Dread Wolf, who was calmly sitting a few feet away. A concentrated look on his features, he must be trying to analyze everything. Always the scholar.

  “I’m sorry.” I speak the apology in common, not wanting to think anymore of the Elvhen. His dazed eyes focus slowly on me, only to be confused at the sudden words. “I’m sorry, that you saw me back then. In my other dream, when I…” For a moment I almost lose my courage. “I know it must have been horrifying to see a version of yourself with me. If I had known you were there, watching, well. I wouldn’t have done it.” I summon a rock in order to have a distraction from looking at him. It was such a pretty rock too, smooth and round. I wonder if it would be good for skipping over water. I’m so great with distractions.

  “You thought I was watching?” My rock isn’t pretty enough to keep my attention away from that accusing question. Well of course he was watching. He admitted it before, that he had come into my dream then. “Didn’t you imply you had?” If he hadn’t really seen then he definitely knew now. My previous embarrassment doubled. I just outed myself. He may not have known before but now he most certainly does! Just before a renewed bout of flustering begins I feel his warm hand on my cheek. It sends an involuntary fire down my spine, as my eyes close to savor the feel of it. I want to nuzzle into the wormwood scent, I want to kiss the pulse on his wrist. I snap myself out of the reverie.

  Opening my green eyes I see Solas smirking, like he had just defeated an easy opponent. The trickster’s eyes twinkled with some hidden emotion, which was mixed with overwhelming smugness. I was mentally frightened and yet excited, as my breath hitched in my throat and my mouth went dry. I flicked my gaze to his lips for just a moment before returning to his blue orbs. Fire began to build in my stomach, against my every cry for it to stop. Get a hold of yourself.

  He leans forward, snaking his hand to the back of my hair. His hot breath tickles against my ear, and I’m melting more. The breath is causing my knees to weaken and I can feel the dampness in between my legs. Lips begin to graze my long elven ear, and I can’t help it anymore. A moan escapes me, unfiltered and full of need. A chuckle assaults my hearing, before a guttural whisper is pushed into me.

   “I am never a spectator, da’len.” Teeth then take my lobe into his hot cavern and I realize his strong arms are the only thing keeping me upright. His bites and licks on my ear are making my need more apparent. I grip his shoulders, digging my nails into them. The pain causes him to hesitate for a second before his own moan is filling the air.

  “Wakey wakey, eggs and streaky.” I’m ripped out of the dream. I’m still panting though, and the dry heat of the Hissing Wastes only increases my own body heat. Glancing about in a panic I realize that Solas is sleeping in his own bedroll on the other side of the tent. His face angry as he pulls his blanket over his head. I bolt out of the tent and nearly run over Varric, who had been sent to rouse us.

  “Woah Streak! You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” The dwarf takes in my haggard appearance before leading me to the impromptu breakfast area. “We were worried about you yesterday. Didn’t think you would be the one so affected by the Fade.” I smile hesitantly and grab a bowl of porridge. Varric then explains what had happened after I left and joked about how Cassiel has been drinking nonstop. “He keeps saying he needs a party.” That has me smiling again, Cassiel will be overjoyed when he learns about Gaspard’s invitation. Sitting on the ground I converse with the group, Varric being the only chipper one of us.

   “Nice of you to join the living, Chuckles. What? Fade give you nightmares too?” Shit. I feel my whole body tense as I can see Varric looking behind me. Please don’t look at me. Please, just don’t admit it was a joke. “I’m afraid so, my dreams left me somewhat unfulfilled. Although that may also be due to your horrible timing in waking me.” Varric is now laughing and soon everyone is as I only stuff more porridge in my mouth. I feel a heat graze my shoulder and I tense further as I realize he has decided to sit next to me. Oh god. Keep cool, don’t look at him no matter what. Focus on breakfast. Focus, focus, focus, HEY!

  Deft fingers wrap themselves around my bowl and spoon, efficiently stealing my distraction away from me. I turn angrily without thinking, ready to assault the thief who dare swipe my food. Only as I see Solas bring my full spoon to his lips and slowly eat the food, my mind goes blank. What? His eyes are daring me to challenge him, as he brings each bite into his mouth. Luckily the rest of the party had begun to converse amongst themselves, unaware of the power play the Dread Wolf was pulling.

  Solas finishes the porridge and hums in delight, never taking his eyes off me. “Delicious.” As the word tumbles from his lips I swallow dryly. I’m not sure what to make of this new personality that has emerged. But Maker help me against his overwhelming presence, I can't handle being the butt of this joke.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of feel like this chapter was all over the place. Hmm.. Regardless, I love it.
> 
> Guys, I've created a monster. If you don't like dark Solas then gtfo. [just kidding, stay <3] I think he finally got sick of watching Caramiriel from a distance, and after that eye opening look into her past relationship. Well, let's just say he made up his mind.  
> Cara on the other hand is as self deprecating as ever. She honest to god thinks he's teasing her. Oh is she in for a surprise.
> 
> Also! Caramiriel means ruby/little red one in Tolkien Elvish. :3 Hence part of the reason Nightmare calls her that.
> 
> As always, I love your faces <3\. Thank you for reading.


	16. Tea For Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A price is paid.

  Solas simply stands up after finishing my porridge and goes to the cleaning station. Leaving me in a state of semi-shock. I can’t believe he is teasing me like this, discovering my attraction to him has put me in a situation I never expected. He was mocking me for it, I knew the Dread Wolf was a trickster and thought to be cruel but I didn’t think he was cruel. How wrong I was. My fingers gripped and tugged at each other. I can’t let this get to me. I had decided in my dream that I wasn’t the Cara from before. I refuse to be weak, so I decided the best course of action would be anger and then indifference.

  “That was my breakfast.” I spat out when he returned to his seat beside me. Solas only smiled leaning his weight onto his hands behind him. “Ah, was it now? I could have sworn it was your substitute for our tea meetings.” Tea meetings? What was he going on about now? The memory of me helping him with Wisdom’s rescue caused a cold terror within me. I thought he would have forgotten. I surely did not mean for us to seriously have tea parties every morning! “Oh that.. I didn’t think you would…” A dark chuckle escapes Solas as he leans closer to me. Wormwood assaulting me and making my mind a little hazy.

  “Consider this day one of seven fulfilled. I do expect tea tomorrow, perhaps I may even come to enjoy the bitter drink.” I scramble away from his proximity and become hyperaware that we are in public.       I’ve somehow backed myself into a corner with the one man I didn’t want to be near at the moment. Ok, that’s not true, I so desperately needed to be near him. But the thought of him using my feelings against in some sort of game made me queasy.

   The Inquisition forces had started breaking down our temporary base. It had been decide that us, the main party, will travel back to Skyhold along with Cullen and a majority of the unwounded soldiers. Cullen briefed our group that the travel would take upwards of a week, but a slow pace was needed after the battle. We set out just before noon, and I desperately tried to stick close to Cassiel. The Inquisitor didn’t like Solas and each time the apostate would come near us Cassiel promptly told him to ‘buzz off’. The two of us talked about his decision to leave Stroud behind and exile the Wardens. It was surprising how vehemently against blood magic Cass was, not an ounce of forgiveness for their circumstances. I decide to omit his distaste from my reports, which took quite a bit longer than I had imagined to write up.

  Each night we would make camp and I would scurrying off into my tent to work on my duties as Archivist. The first night I had forgotten to even eat dinner. I wasn’t looking forward to going back to my dreams and decided to risk exhaustion letting the midnight oil burn. As the sun broke across the sands I stretched, the soldiers were already going through the morning routines and I decided to join. Breakfast was served, and I resigned myself to making two cups of tea. I made sure to add milk and sugar to both. I enjoyed my tea sweat and creamy and something told me that Solas would too. The elf was known for his sweet tooth after all.

  Making my way to his tent I pushed inside. I was going to do this, and then ignore him the rest of the day. I knew he would only pester me if I didn’t oblige him. I nearly drop the two cups and bread that been perched atop of them at my poor timing. He was dressing for the day, midway through putting his shirt on. I clenched my eyes and began to spout apologies.

  _“If you had wanted to see me in this state you need only ask, da’len.”_

  I clam up even more, feeling my face flush before shaking off the implication. I will not let him tease me during these meetings. I sat on the ground and placed his teacup on a blanket. He briskly finished his task and sat legs crossed in front of me. He was much closer than he needed to be, both of his knees just barely touching my own. I focused on sipping my tea and eating my bread. The sooner this could be done with the better. I’m ripped from my thought as I hear a small gasp followed by a moan.

  Solas had the tea cup near his face and was looking at it as if it were a new type of spirit. However he feels the heat of my gaze and holds it. Now both the apostate and the girl wonder were staring at each other while sipping tea. I couldn’t let him know he was getting to me so I held his gaze in defiance.

  _”I’ve never had tea that tasted so pleasing. Although I should hardly be shocked since nearly everything is pleasing where you are concerned.”_

_“Stop. It’s not funny! If you truly want to uphold your bargain with me then stop your mocking!”_

  I quickly drink the rest of my tea and begin to storm out of the tent, only to be stopped short by the familiar feel of heat wrapping around my wrist. Before he can say a word I swat his grip away. I didn’t need this, I don’t even know why I had decided to follow through. I was too tired to put up with him, too close to giving in. “Ugh, I’m too tired to put up with you any longer.” I slip into common, just to show how displeased I was.

  _“Is that why I couldn’t find you in the Fade last night? You chose to not sleep?”_ Solas’s tone was biting and it causes me to flinch a little. He had tried to find me again in my dreams, I knew he would. However this is a sliver of hurt and worry mixed in with his scowl. The emotions cause me to hesitate before nodding in confirmation. Who cares if he didn’t get his little playtime? I was the one who had to suffer either way! I begin to express my anger when a force pushes me into the sand, and the wolf is now looming above me. Trapping me.

  The sight of his lean strong body straddling me with his arms on either side of my head has me forgetting everything I was upset about. The familiar scent of him had me falling even deeper into the dense sand, causing my head to spin lightly. However the scowl on Solas’s face was still present and his steel eyes were narrowed in anger. The fear and excitement had my heart pounding, and it took everything in me not to squirm in uncomfortable pleasure.

  _“I do not care what you may think of your circumstances or how you should deal with them. But allow me to make myself perfectly clear. You are not allowed stress yourself into exhaustion. I forbid it. If I wish to meet with you in the Fade then you will allow me this trespass. If I discover you have harmed your mind in order to resist me, there will be punishments”_

  What is with this clearly chauvinistic, sadist, overbearing, ~~sexy~~ order? I begin to fume, easily angered by his blatant commands. How dare he think I’m so weak that I will just play by the rules of his game! I’m stronger now, and I don’t need another Tyler in my life…oh. I finally realize that the hurt on his face has won out over the small amount of anger. Wait. Was he worried about me? I look to the side biting my lip, slowly nodding. It was too many possibilities. If I hadn’t have seen that hurt I wouldn’t be lost in an endless cycle of maybes that were now consuming me.

  Maybe he did care. Maybe this wasn’t a game. Maybe he wanted to spend time with me. Maybe it wasn’t unrequited. As the thoughts cross my mind I can feel his gaze become dark again, can feel his fingers clench in the mixture of sand in hair. I’m suddenly very aware of our positions, of his dominance over me. Especially as he leans down and once again his teeth are grazing one of my ears. Now I’m squirming, unable to stay still. I feel his hands take mine within them and shackle them to the ground. Oh gods. His lips are trailing my ear and onto my jaw, getting closer to my mouth. I need his lips on mine, I need the passion and heat, I need him.

  “Hey Chuckles, are you awake? Have you seen Caramiriel?” I still, and can feel Solas tense along with me. Before he growls pushing himself off me storming towards his tent flap. I slowly sit up, uncertain of what had just transpired. I had fallen into his trap, right back into his game I didn’t want to play. I’m so stupid! I pick up the tea cups and push past the arguing elf and dwarf.

  “Oh there she is! Why didn’t you just say you were having tea together?!” Varric laughs before a growl cuts him off. “Because we weren’t finished.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh.
> 
> Sorry guys, this chapter was a little bit of filler. I'm afraid the next few chapters might be as well. I want to explore more of this little push and pull thing they have before getting back into the action. Also I had honestly forgotten about Cara's little price for helping Solas. [[I'm sure you had too!]] Anyways, hope you enjoyed more DomDarkSolas. DDSOLAS, as I shall now dub him. I might post another chapter much later tonight/early tomorrow morning. I hope you guys are still all loving the story!   
> I love your faces! <3


	17. Head High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara finds a smoking buddy, and then gives it up.

  I returned to my imposing position on Cassiel, and the further we trekked through the boring scenery the more we discussed about what drives his decision making. I’m finding that Cassiel is somewhat ruthless, not that it is a bad thing. The Dalish elf is rather firm in his beliefs and refuses to stray from them no matter what logic I may throw at him. For example, he doesn’t care for the fight over the throne. Going as far as to state that Gaspard and Briala both made him want to puke. Even after my I state that Briala wants to help the elves I find he is only tsking. “No, she wants to help herself. The elves are just a means to an end with her. I don’t trust that flat ear one bit.” The insult makes me flinch. Not too long ago I was the flat ear he didn’t trust. We fall silent for the rest of day, focusing on the dismal landscape.

  It wasn’t easy finding something to busy myself with once we stopped for the night. I was honestly exhausted and drained physically and mentally. I decided to just wander the outskirts of the encampment until dinner. That’s when I see the familiar head of blonde curls lounging about fifty feet away from the edge of camp. Huh. Weird, wonder what he is up to. I slowly stealth my way over, and I’m quite pleased when he doesn’t seem to notice my presence. I jump in front of him putting my hands in his face while yelling ‘Boo!’ Yeah I’m mature.

  Cullen Rutherford nearly coughs to death as smoke comes pouring out of his mouth. His calloused hands holding what appears to be a pipe far away from his body. As the smell of smoke hits my face I feel that itching I get that reminds me I was once an addict. I peer over the man taking in the lack of a big winter coat, instead a light shirt is pressed taunt above his muscled physique. I mean, he was certainly not my taste, but I can definitely see the positives in someone that fit.

 “How’s it going Commander?” “Maker’s Breath! Don’t sneak up on me like that! I could have killed you.” I rolled my eyes and sit myself close to him, eyeing that pipe. I wanted it, but how to convince him to share? We weren’t exactly on friendly enough terms, or so I thought.

  “I didn’t know you smoked.” I pointed to the pipe with a large smile on my face. The ex-templar sighed a bit before taking a drag of the pipe. “I never used to see the point, although I’m finding it takes the edge off.” I feel a little guilty at that. He had been looking a lot less strung out as of late, but in all honesty I knew that smoking wasn’t the answer.

  “Ah. So you drop one addiction only to pick up another. What a shame.” I feel him stiffen next to me and regret my choice of words. Shit, Cara. What’s a little smoking compared to fucking lyrium. Give the guy a break for Maker’s sake. Ha. Maker’s sake. I feel him slipping into a sort of mini depression and decide to steal the pipe from his hand. As he turns to protest I take the biggest inhale of it without realizing just how long it had been. Holding in the smoke I begin to choke a little, coughing out the substantial amount of smoke much quicker than I had intended. Cullen is now looking thoroughly thrown off by my display.

  “You know, back home I used to smoke all the time. Of course it was different, much nastier. I was convinced myself that it was better than my alternative. Smoking helped me stave off my more fatalistic tendencies. It made me scared to quit, I was worried that if I did I would just go back to the way I was.” I inspected the pipe, remembering what it was like to have the little head high. Turning to Cullen I can see a smile on his face. “I understand what you mean. Sometimes it is the only thing I think is keeping me sane. But it seems you were able to stop the habit. I hope I can be as strong one day.” That has me laughing, as I take the pipe between my lips again. This round is a lot easier to savor.

  “Nah, now I’m just going to bum off of your pipe. We can start our own little smokers club.” I wink and see his golden eyes widen in shock. “I am your commander, not some smoking buddy.” He playfully snatches the pipe from me and I find we have hit a comfortable silence. I always worried about him, but now I’m certain he’ll be fine. We sit for another hour before nothing but ash is left in the pipe. I clap him on the back and promise him to never let him smoke alone, I hear a groan of defeat as I make my way into the camp.

 

  I found myself overwhelmed with exhaustion after dinner. I knew that there was no way I could avoid sleeping, again. So I calmly tucked myself into my bedroll and prayed that I was too tired to enter the Fade. Yeah, well I’m not very lucky. I find myself near the campfire, cool desert air and two moons giving me this feeling of calm I didn’t expect. Until I notice Solas glaring at me across the flames. Of course he was here, but why was he so angry? He couldn’t possible still be that upset about this morning. Not to mention I DID do as he asked, I slept.

  _“Did you enjoy your evening?”_ His voice is accusatory, which only throws me off more. That is until I see him motion to his left. I slowly look over to see an unsettling view of myself, sitting next to Cullen. Ugh, did I really look like that? I certainly need better posture, although I have to admit my figure probably attributed to that.

  I smile despite myself at the memory of my first smoke in a while. Plus, bonding with Cullen wasn’t so bad, he was a nice guy. I feel Solas walking towards me and I quickly bring my attention back to him. _“Yeah, I did actually. Didn’t know how much I would miss something like that.”_ I feel a possessive hand grab me. Taking in his features I realize that may not be taken the right way.

 _“Do you like the Commander? If only you had mentioned it sooner, I may not have…”_ Oh. My. God. If I didn’t know any better, I would think he sounded a little jealous. Especially with the hurt that is masked by the scowl I’ve become so used to. However, the thought of me liking Cullen is a little ludicrous. Anyone within the Inquisition knows that I had feelings for Solas, thanks to Iron Bull’s flappy gums.

_“You’re kidding right? Cullen, is nice but he is hardly the certain someone I could…feel heat towards. I simply wanted to share a smoke with the human.”_

_“If that is true, then perhaps you would elaborate to whom you do feel this ‘heat’ towards.”_ I watch in slight horror as Solas’s expression goes dark and heady. Shit, walked straight in to it. I let out an awkward chuckle as I begin to slowly find a retreat. Each step I take his longer stride closes the distance and then some. Ok Cara, you know better than to try to outrun someone who is over half a foot taller than you. Yet I refuse to give into my own logic, and keep my backwards retreat. That is until I hit the back of the supplies cart.

 _“So? Are you going to tell me? I must admit, I am a very curious man, and I find the subject fascinating.”_ He puts his hand on the cart railing and leans forward, towering over me with a smirk on his face. No. I’m not letting him continue this game! I refuse to let him use my attraction for him as ammunition. How many times must I remind myself that I’m not the pitiful human Cara anymore? Just because he’s hot as hell, and makes my body melt, does not mean I’m going to degrade myself. Everyone here has shown me that I’m not worthless.

_“Stop playing with me! I know you don’t feel anything towards me. I’m painfully aware of just how undesirable I am. But I won’t let you just use my attraction as a game!”_

  I hear an audible sigh after my little outburst and for a moment I think I’ve won. Yet my chin is now in his hands, and the heat of his touch is causing me to grit my teeth. He leans his face towards me until our eyes are mere inches apart. Stormy eyes are narrowed and I can feel his breath dance across my lips. There’s that dry mouth again, I can’t help but bite my lip causing them to gently touch his own.

_“What must I do to make you realize that this isn’t a game?”_

  Suddenly his lips are crashing into mine, hard and needy, completely dominating my every thought. I open my mouth to breathe and instead I’m met with his tongue and teeth. The kiss is passionate and animalistic, it’s causing my brain to turn off. I forget everything except his lips, his mouth, his everything. When he finally pulls away I’m woozy, head spinning even with my eyes tightly shut. I slump against the cart, trying to catch my breath.

  Solas then steps away from me, and the sudden retreat has me even more confused. First I thought this was a game, then he flat out denies it and gives me the kiss to end all kisses. Now he’s backing away? I can’t believe this! I feel the anger begin to boil. I slowly clench my hands into fists and open my eyes. Only his expression and stance is so not what I had expected. He is bowing his head to me and giving me a look of slight resignation.

  _“What are you doing?” “I think that I may have let my need supersede my head. For that I am sorry. I’ve decided that for now, I’m going to court you. Perhaps a new approach may be…more beneficial to us both.”_

  Court me? Is this the 1800’s? Ok, I mean technically it is closer to the 1800’s then my own time but still. I’ve never expected this scenario at all. Even Tyler didn’t try to win me, he just kind of showed up. I just stare at him, mostly because I don’t know what to do at all. This is a complete one eighty, from the domineering man I knew. Although it tugged at me, I knew I liked him. What was the harm in seeing if it’s mutual? Before I know it I’m voicing my acceptance and his face has lit up like I just gave him a lifetime supply of frilly cakes.

_“I only have one request of you.” “Really?” “You must promise to stay far away from that shemlen commander. Or else I’ll have to make it so that I’m the only man you can possibly think about”_

  His innocent look gone in an instant and the devilish smirk and heat in his eyes had my heart rate going through the roof. Yeah, this was definitely a better rush then smoking. Although I think it may cause a heart attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok everyone, it is 3 oclock in the morning here and as I promised here is another chapter! :]
> 
> I want you all to know DDSolas IS NOT GONE. I just could feel Cara kinda slipping away, she's trying to grow and doesn't want to be in another abusive relationship. So Solas seeing and knowing that [because he's so smart and thoughtful] decides to take a step back and prove to her that he does have feelings for her. In his defense he thought it was 100% consensual after the whole 'jumping his bones during a drunk wet dream', so when he realized it wasn't it threw him for a loop. I know, I keep teasing and then ripping it away, but this is honestly for the best. We all want a Solas in the streets with a Fen'Harel in the sheets, and that is definitely going to be the case. <3  
> Also Cara is totally not going to stay away from Cullen, not when they're smoking buddies. Unless she can somehow get her own pipe, but that's not happening. So expect DDSolas to make another appearance in the future.
> 
> Love your faces!<3  
> Also, thank all of you for the support. I really love reading your comments and to be honest I'm constantly refreshing my dashboard to see more. :]


	18. Wickedest Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara has a turning point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this chapter, may have some content that are triggers for some. Proceed with caution.

  The day passed on, surprisingly boring. Solas and I had our tea, it was awkward and neither of us spoke. Then as always I rode near Cassiel. The Inquisitor had become somewhat obsessed with the idea of needing a party. Something to get our minds off ‘the Fade crap’, I knew Wicked Hearts couldn’t be too far away so I was looking forward to it. However, as we neared our outpost near Lake Celestine a messenger had been sent from Skyhold to meet us.

  “Guys! We’re going to the Winter Palace! Get on your dancing shoes.” Cassiel was bouncing off the walls in excitement. He seemed even more pumped that we would be meeting with the rest of the Inner Circle at Madame De Fer’s winter home. “Viv has a winter place? That’s so awesome! Oh and I get to see Cole, oh man this is going to be so great!” Of course one little fact kept slipping his mind, and Cullen had to cautiously remind the Dalish elf that we were going on business not pleasure.

  I was team excitement all the way. Knowing now that the entire Inner Circle would be at the event, with only Vivienne, Dorian, and Cassandra going as the entourage was a blessing. I need to get to that Eluvian that I know is just sitting in some room at the Palace. I could go home! I’m nearly certain that with all my training I could jump up there. I should probably bring some rope or something just in case. Ideas and plans began to occupy me. I didn’t even notice the Elvhen god sneaking up on me.

  _“Well you seem positively over the moon about going to Court. I must admit it will be a nice change of pace, dalen.”_

  Then it hit me, what it meant if I left. How much everyone here has supported and cared for me. What it would mean to Solas, and this thing we had. It had only just barely begun, my whole adventure here had just barely started to make sense. Thedas made me better, could I really let it all go? I slowly bit my lip, and I could feel my brow scrunch up. I was torn.

  While in the midst of my newfound inner turmoil I felt a hand slowly begin to entwine with my own. It sends a familiar warmth through, but somehow it’s different. I blush and look away, still not letting go, but I’m definitely embarrassed. I decide at that moment to finally have a heart to heart with my new wolf. I didn’t want either of us holding back, and I knew from my Inquisitor’s heartbreak that it would end us. I begin to lead him to the edge of the lake and away from everyone else.

 _“So, what does my knowing you’re Fen’Harel mean for us?”_ It’s the first time I’ve out right said his name. The first time I’ve admitted to knowing. I didn’t like giving up the power, but it wasn’t like he didn’t already know. Solas tenses and glares at me, yeah that’s right I brought it up. I bet he’s going to get all pissy like before. Instead he just lets out a long breath and stares out onto the scenery.

  _“I’m not sure. That may be part of my attraction to you. I don’t have to hide any part of myself, it’s refreshing.”_ What so you like me because I know your real name? How prideful can he get? I don’t like that answer one bit, and the game idea keeps gnawing at me. _“Ever since I awoke I’ve had to hide my identity, and omit things. I don’t like lying, it just makes things easier.”_

 _“You didn’t have to hide who you were from Corypheus. Did you have a crush on the Magister too?”_ Oh ok, I guess I’m letting that cat out of the bag too. I begin to chew on my tongue, that wasn’t cool of me. I knew he had given the orb to Corypheus and probably even explained how to operate it. But I doubt the darkspawn was his type. But hey, I’m a little unhappy. Looking at Solas I can tell he is shocked and unhappy as well.

 _“How much do you know? At first I thought you were some follower of the Evanuris, spending their whole life hunting me down. But the more I got to know you the less likely that seemed. Now you tell me you know of my involvement in this….mistake_.” His voice is quiet yet harsh, I had angered him more than I thought. But it didn’t matter, I was definitively going home, I didn’t care how mad he was. It was payback for solavellan, and I didn’t regret it at all. Gods I’ve turned into a monster. Then something within me snaps. The thoughts running through of every single person as they fell in love with Solas, only to have him dump them out of the blue. Of Solavellan Hell, and the pain it caused me personally after I had just been left by Tyler.

_“What if I was a Lavellan? What if I was the one who bore the anchor, your mark? What if I didn’t know anything about you? You would leave me, you’d trick me into falling in love with you only to break me. You’d take away my vallaslin, call me vhenan, and then bam say it was a mistake, a distraction. How can I possibly trust anything you say when I know you’re the person who would do that?! I know how this game ends! I know that even if you do somehow come to love me that it’s all just a ruse to throw me off your scent.”_

  I finish my rant, not even noticing my own tears, and leave. I gave too much away, but somewhere along the way I decided to go home. This whole crazy Thedas will be nothing more than a game. I didn’t know who I was kidding, falling for him even a little. I knew better.

 

* * *

 

 

 

  The Winter Palace was more extravagant then I could have thought. It reminded me of the pictures I had seen of the Palace of Versailles.  I shifted uncomfortably in my dress. Somehow it was decided that any non-entourage members would have to come in proper ball attire. I looked ridiculous, it was much too tight and stiff. It almost makes me miss that hideous uniform, almost. None the less I was able to sneak away under the guise of just being a lost noble. My mask and hair covered all of my elvhen features so no one even batted an eye.

  Alright so it was third floor? No, three trellises but not necessarily three floors. I wandered the palace for hours until a familiar hallway caught my attention, and a door surrounded by small animal statues. Jackpot. The large Eluvian was thankfully there, covered by a sheet. I couldn’t believe my luck. I mean there was a chance it wouldn’t be here. It was like destiny. Ok now to activate it.

  I sat there thinking for a few minutes before deciding the age old ‘bleed all over the mirror’ was the best choice. Pulling out a small dagger that I had hidden in my boots I sat down, letting the dress pool around me. I can’t believe how fast my heart is beating. I pull up my sleeve exposing my pale wrist. Ok, now just a little cut and.. _”WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”_

I feel the dagger being ripped out of my hand, and held high out of my reach. Solas’s stormy eyes were more upset than I’ve ever seen them. So he followed me here, I mean OF COURSE he did. I’m starting to think he liked being angered.

  “I’m going home, Dread Wolf. Now please give me back my knife.” He flinches for just a moment and only holds the knife higher.

  _“You’re going to use blood magic to get home? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? You don’t even know how to use it, you could hurt yourself! Just, please I need to explain things better.”_ I cut him off, easily repeating my request in the same cold tone as before. He won’t win this. Solas only shakes his head in disbelief before handing me the dagger and standing in the corner of the room.  Slowly I once again bring the knife to my wrist only decide last minute to slice my palm instead. I can see the crimson liquid start to shine and I smear it on the mirror. Ok time to go home!

  Only, nothing happens. The mirror doesn’t activate, so I smear more blood on in panic. More and more until finally I can’t stand. I can’t believe this, I’m stuck. I break into tears, feeling the familiar panic attack take over me. I’m probably going to die in this place. I’ll never see Briana again, I’ll never see my family, I’ll never be human again.

  Yet the more I cry I can feel my wound start to slowly close, not completely but it’s stopped the bleeding.

 _“Vhenan, please, stop your tears. You will endure this, you’re too strong to let yourself be so distraught. There are other means of travel. It may take longer, but I will find you a way.”_ I’m frozen. Vhenan. He called me Vhenan. His sweet words broke my heart, and I decided to let him know the truth. All of it.

“You don’t understand I’m not from this world! I don’t belong here! This place, it’s just a game. I’m a human, there is only humans. I live in a home with my best friend, I go to school, and have a job. There’s no magic, no monsters, no demons! I know everything that has happened in this world and I know what is going to happen! I hate this place! I just… I just want to go home” Sobs and stuttering make the whole explanation seem unhinged, but I can see a darkness in his eyes. Before he breaks his very own rule and kisses me. Suddenly I realize, I had already fallen for him, and hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this was the hardest chapter to date for me. I usually write and then post, I don't ever change anything or even edit [If you can't tell].
> 
> However, I restarted this chapter from scratch three times. Cara has changed so much is such a little amount of time. She decided she wasn't going to deal with this Thedas anymore. But now, I don't know. She's stuck, and she is going to have to face the music about her little outbursts in this chapter. Also let me say that I don't agree 100% with Cara. I don't think it was just a ruse, I think in game Solas really loved Lavellan. He just couldn't truly love someone who didn't know who he was.
> 
>  
> 
> Love your faces! I hope they still love me <3


	19. Words like Vhenan

  I expected the fire and lust to overwhelm me as his soft lips pressed against mine. Yet, while it was there it was muted. My heart ached even more as he held my injured hand and rubbed his thumb along the slice. Solas didn’t pull away until my tears finally stopped, and I could see a pain flash across his face before he smiles. As he smiles my confession hits me like a ton of bricks. I just told him everything, he must think I was insane.

  _“Vhenan,”_ There’s that word again, causing me to tense as butterflies fill my stomach _. “I honestly don’t know what to do or say. Which I must admit is the first time in a very, **very** long time. I know that there is more to this world then what many living know. So there is a part of me that could consider what you say as true. If there could be a Fade, and a Void, then why not another world?”_

  Despite his words I could see a hesitation in him. As if he desperately trying to believe his own words, and only partially succeeding. I let out a long sigh and glance at my wound. A bright red scar crossed my entire palm, pain apparent every time I tried to make a fist. Great, a constant reminder of my failure.

  “I’m not your heart. You don’t even know me.” I don’t want to speak that language anymore. I’m too exhausted, too homesick. “Solas, you said you would get me home. Are you still going to do that, even if it meant losing your vhenan? I know you won’t come with me.” I glance at him just for a moment before looking at my hand again.

 _“A heart still beats even if I don’t understand how. You..”_ Another quick glance and he looks anxious. Odd, the proud aren’t usually anxious. _“You’ve brought color back into this world for me. I woke to a world smothered and wrong, for a year I didn’t truly feel anything but distaste. Somehow you caused my wolf to howl, whimper, and laugh. I didn’t think anyone or thing could bring that back to me.”_

  In the words of Varric: Well, Shit. I could feel my panic come back, a pressure building at my chest. This can’t be happening. He can’t be winning me over this easily. He has to be lying. Yet, I knew there was a sincerity with his voice that Tyler had never had. They were both so different, how could I ever think they would treat me the same. Tyler’s touch had been cold, while Solas lit a fire under my skin. Tyler sneered whenever I would question things; Solas would only smile secretly wanting me to ask more. Tyler created terror, while Solas inspired passion. More importantly Tyler never once said he loved me, not in the entire nine and a half years we were together. Solas called me his heart, and meant it.

   _“If you still truly wish to leave when we find your way home. I would be devastated, but I would let you go. I’ve grown accustom to being alone.”_ His greatest fear is dying alone, but he would face that for me?

 Without any more hesitation I bunch his collar in my hurt hand and crash his lips onto my own. Only he doesn’t kiss back, he actually becomes tense and horror runs through my mind. I begin to pull away, yet just as our lips part a fist knots in my hair. Then the whole world explodes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS! I'M SO SORRY.  
> This chapter is like embarrassingly short. I had an extremely hectic day so I wasn't able to write for but a few hours. I swear this will never happen again. I just needed to get this out of me. I needed to give you all some love! <3  
> The next chapter will come after I sleep, I swear. I'll even post two! Next chapter may be NSFW maybe. We'll see.  
> Also!!  
> I hit 1,000+ hits! I know that may not mean much [just cos you hit it doesn't mean you read it] But I never expected anyone to even bother reading this. Some of you have been with the story since practically the beginning and you're all so supportive and lovely. Thank you so much for everything, and taking time to read this, and liking it, and gah. I'm ready to wake up from this dream come true!
> 
> I love ALL of your faces! <3  
> and please forgive me <3


	20. Heated Words

 

  Teeth took my bottom lip, teasing, pulling. I could only melt more and let the shudders take over my entire being. The assault on my hair ceased, as he dragged my lip away releasing it before claiming my lips again. Mush, I had become mush. A hot hand trailed a long scratch down my back, and I was surprised at how pleasurable the slight pain was. It had me arching, moaning into his mouth which he happily devoured. Both hands cupped my ass kneading the fat before shifting my entire weight up and closer to him. I was struggling to breathe through the onslaught, desperately clinging to his shirt still. His tongue prodded in my open mouth, strong and firm making me want his mouth over the rest of my body. I wanted to know what his mouth could do to me. I needed to know.

  His nails kept going up and down my back, shockwaves being left in their wake, gripping my ass before continuing back up again. I pulled away from his mouth, gasping and moaning for more. “Solas, please. I..want to feel you.” I pleaded into his ear as my body pushed itself further onto him. Hissing he finally pulled the string that laced up my dress. Pulling it open, nearly tearing it to pieces as he shoved my upper half out. Nestling his head into my neck I felt him latch onto my skin as he worshiped and destroyed my body. Oh gods, that mouth had me whimpering into his ear again which resulted in a growl before he bit my neck. Harder than before but it was what I needed. Tongue laving at the punished area, it slowly began to move towards my breast. Head lowering further I grabbed it and ran my fingers over his scalp before settling on his ears. A hiss escaped his mouth just before it took in my aching peak. The flick of his tongue, before teeth nibbled and pulled. I desperately tried to force him further into my tit, he pulled away my mound still in his mouth. With a crude pop he let it drop, a smirk twisting onto his lips as I moaned. He returned his attention to my neck while pinching one of my pert nubs, biting every time I let out an agonized gasp.

  Suddenly his own clothes felt too rough against my sensitive chest. Wildly I curled my fingers around the hem of his shirt. It had to come off. Another growl pressed into my bruising neck before Solas pulled away, allowing me to pull it over his head. My breath hitched at the sight of his chest. Freckles and taunt skin covered muscles, he looked like he had been chiseled by a scultptor. Hunger took over me again as my nails grazed down his chest, whispering over his nipples and muscles. Further to his belt and my eyes finally caught the throbbing erection that was begging to be released. One hand cupped the heat of his length as the other attempted to undo his belt. My eyes blinked up at Solas as I took in the sight of him scowling in pleasure. As our heavy lidded eyes met I was almost frightened by the dark hunger, but it only made my sex clench harder. Finally the belt was off and his intimidating member was now twitching and radiating heat. I wrapped my hand around the shaft as the other covered the slick tip.

  I must have hesitated, or pulled to hard, or something. Because as soon as I began to pump him Solas immediately pushed away. _“No. Stop, vhenan.”_ His voice was guttural as he commanded through clenched teeth. No? I sat back letting my body slump into myself as I watched him struggle to right his appearance. Stop? My body was still yearning, it didn’t want to catch up to my flabbergasted mind. It began to be uncomfortable to sit still even more so when his hands began to pull back up my dress. That’s it? Solas shuffled behind me and laced up the back, careful of the scratch marks. I need more. I whipped around and crushed my lips into his again. My body still ached, needing him to be dominating me once more. He moaned softly, then pushed me away once again.

  “Don’t you want me?” My voice betrayed me as it cracked. That got his attention though, his hand rubbing his face before he made eye contact.

_“Oh creators I do. But now is not the time nor the place. Did you not hear the fighting in the Ballroom from here? It is only a matter of time before the event ends and I do not want us to be interrupted.”_

  _“Well I don’t care!”_ I grabbed his hand and brought it under my skirt so he could feel the heat and dampness he was denying.

 _“Vhenan, when I finally take you I will not stop until I’ve sated every desire I’ve thought of since our meeting. I will having you screaming and begging my name. I will not have any other person see you disgraced, for that is what I will do.”_ Solas ripped his hand from mine and pulled my hair as his threats poured against my skin. Well now I only want it more but I can wait, for a little. Because the flashes of darkness and domination that clouded his stormy eyes had me anticipating like never before. Shivering I nodded my agreement. How could I do anything but agree?

    Solas stood and the bulge in his trousers proved how true his lust was. He slowly hefted me up, arm wrapping around my waist. My legs were jello, and my thighs were wet making walking very difficult. Luckily he took most of my weight into him, nearly lifting me off the ground as we turned away from the Eluvian. With a wave of his hand I saw a glowing green light encompass the sheet on the floor before it drifted away. It was if my failure of returning home had never happened. Of course, the pain in my hand that had suddenly made itself known again.  Yeah, ok so it did happen.

  I was shocked at how perceptive the elf was, for as soon as we began to walk through the hall we came across quite a few guards. We had to explain we were member of the Inquisition in order to quell any suspicions. Luckily (not) they gracefully escorted us away from the off limits area and back to the vestibule. Whispers were everywhere, louder now than before the event. Of course they were, Cassiel had ousted Florianne and Celene had secured her place as empress. Rumors of Gaspard’s treason and the Inquisitor’s hand in uncovering it were on just as many lips. Scandal in Halamshiral. The peace talks would be remembered for a very long time.

 

* * *

 

 

 

  “What the fuck happened to your neck Cara?!” Cassiel pointed to me as I made my way into Vivienne’s drawing room. The entire Inner Circle now were all staring at me. Confusion on a majority of faces, but one face looked smug. I gingerly brought my fingers up only to wince in pain. The stupid wolf left a mark, a lot of marks from what I can tell. Shit, what do I say? Luckily Leilanna was high off of the court and stepped in to assist me. “Oh Cassiel! Did I not inform you? Caramiriel had quite a run in with Gaspard’s Chevaliers. Luckily Solas was there just as she was being strangled. Isn’t that true Solas?” Oh shit, ok. Guess she knew what we had been up to. How does she even do that?

  “Quite right. She was rather breathless and flustered, swearing she would come for in the future.” I gaped at Solas. Heat blaring across my face as he winked at me. Now everyone knew, except perhaps Cassiel who was blatantly ignoring the apostate. Instead Cassiel fawned over my predicament, stating I probably shouldn’t wander around without back up. I only nodded, how could someone as deviant as Cassiel not see that I was being strung up?! He was probably tired. That must be it. Everyone turned in for the night, and I half expected Solas to join me in my provided chambers. Yet as hours passed I realized I would sleep alone. Pft. Not like I wanted him here anyways. Keep lying to yourself like that Cara.

  The mountains of the Frostbacks and walls of Skyhold were a sight for sore eyes. I almost missed the freezing cold too, almost. With everyone still in great spirits after our back to back success it was no surprise when we all gathered into Herald’s Rest for a drink or four. Black diamond was not my game, and everyone had refused to play Wicked Grace when I was around. I sighed into my burger and tried to seem pitiful. “You know you’ll only get even fatter, yeah? Like shouldn’t you lay off the food for a bit?”

  I stiffened as my mouth closed around my food, Sera was in a fucking mood. I decided I was going to ignore her, which only seemed to piss her off more. She slammed her drink on the table and settled next to me. “Ay, I’m talking to you. Aren’t you going to answer elfy elf?” Her slurred words assaulted me but I let them roll of me taking another bite. “Although, I never seen a fat elf. Only fat nobles. Oh fucking maker! You’re everything I hate aren’t you fat noble elfy elf?” She cackled as if she had just said the most hilarious insult ever. Another bite. Unfortunately I forgot how to swallow when she began to poke and pinch my side.

  Memories of Tyler caused terror to run through me. Every self-loathing thought I’ve ever had jarred into my conscious again. It took me a moment before I remembered that I wasn’t that person anymore. I slowly put down my food, Sera still prodding my sides. I’m going to fucking punch her. However it wasn’t my fist that hit her jaw, but Cassiel’s. “Hey! What was that for wanker?” The jenny clutched her jaw and continued to spurt obscenities. I only stared at the Dalish, he was really getting good with that right hook. “Fucking Falon’din! SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY! Get out. Get out of my Inquistion, you’re no longer allowed back. And if I ever see your or hear that annoying voice again I will put an arrow through you myself.”

   Cassiel was seething and I looked around to realize that everyone was watching us. Ironbull stood in the corned his own fists clenched and holding back the Chargers. Varric was gripping Bianca, and for once I was glad Solas wasn’t here. So much for getting my hopes up, there he stood in the entryway, magic curling off of him. Did they all see? Did they hear what she said? “Yeah, just like that? You’re going to kick me out for picking on an overweight nug, you rabbit?” Cassiel raised his fist again, but I caught it. I could do this, myself. “I think the Inquisitor told you to get out.” Sera sneered and ran up to her alcove. None of us moved a muscle until we heard her swearing subsided as she left the tavern, and Skyhold. Good Riddance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. I'M THE LITERAL WORST. Here have a chapter. Love it. Love me. Don't burn me for STILL denying you. Everyone loves a slow burn right? right??
> 
> Also, fuck Sera. I actually liked her on my very first playthrough, but the more I got to know her I realized how horrible she was. I know some of you may love Sera. But she's doing it all wrong, she's more of a bully pretending to be a robin hood than anything. Cassiel [KingofKirkwall] actually did kick her out, so when she told me that I knew it would be because Sera was being a dick to Cara. 
> 
> Cassiel has gotten crazy protective of Cara all of a sudden. Maybe all that riding together really made him feel like a brother to her. -Shrugs-Lelianna at the WinterPalace was just adorable, I can only imagine she kept that high for at least a little bit after the event. 
> 
> I love all your faces! <3


	21. Two Eggs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Walks up sheepishly- I'm SORRY! -drops chapter and runs away-

 

There was a part of me that wanted to immediately seek out Solas and continue our little…moment at the Winter Palace. However after the whole Sera affair last night I didn’t want to get out of bed. As much as I tell myself I’m better I know it’s not 100% true. I still cried myself to sleep, wrapped in white silk and reliving every mistake I’ve ever done. The weakness made me scared, I’m still not worth it. At least not worth an ancient god that gave everything to ‘help’ his people. Granted, his mistake far outweigh any of mine. A result of my inhibitions I keep to strictly public places for the next few days. I even do my work in Josephine’s office which at first seemed welcome.

   “Caramiriel, while I do enjoy your company I must say that it is a little, how should I say? Discommodious. I am overwhelmed by the amount of work after Halamshiral. Perhaps some fresh air will be best for you? I hear Fereldan is lovely this time of year.” Oh my, Josie with the silver tongue. I stare at the Antivan for a little longer than necessary, mouth agape. I’ve never been told so eloquently before to ‘fuck off, you’re annoying me’. Right as I see her start to squirm about possibly offending me I break into a laughter. “Alright. I’ve been curious about some ancient Elvhen ruins so I’ll take a little party out. Maybe a little R&R will be what I need.” I slowly walk towards my temporary set up, and shuffle the disorganized papers until I’ve gotten all the reports due. I carefully hand them off to the ambassador and exit the office.

  Cassiel, Vivienne, Cole, and Cassandra had recently been doing some errands for Lelianna. Most likely Calpernia involved errands, if Dagna’s elated frustration was any clue. I kind of missed them, well not Vivienne but my Two Cass’s and Cole. Especially Cole, he’s been stuck to my side after I mentioned not wanting to be alone. He seemed so overjoyed to finally be able to help me that he went a little overboard. I knew he himself was on edge after hearing about the demons, only a matter of time before Cassiel opts to make him more human. Too bad he still won’t be interested in Cassiel, eh can’t romance them all.

  Thoughts of my other companions and the gossip have me wandering the great hall in a daze. My eyes then drift instinctually into the rotunda and I have to do a double take. I think I need glasses. Two bald heads stand facing each other. OH GOD. How the hell am I supposed to stay away if there are TWO Solases. I begin to panic a little, ok so I’m finally going crazy or this is some weird sex dream. I don’t think I can handle two of him, it’s just not plausible. I shudder a little as Solas catches my eyes and beckons me.

“Caramiriel, please join us.” Oh yeah, my insides definitely felt that. I cautiously bite my lip and make my way over just in time to see that the impersonator has a vallaslin covering his face. Dirthamen’s to be exact, but it’s not the same design as the Inquisition markings. Origins maybe? As I near I get even more confused. Why was Solas hanging out with a random Dalish anyways?

  _“Caramiriel, you’ve been avoiding me.”_ I try my best to deny it but I can see a smirk pulling at his lips. _“Regardless, I would like to introduce you to someone. Zathrian this is the da’len I spoke of. She could use you particular set of skills.”_ Oh god not this guy. He looks older than Solas, if just slightly, and his face is in an almost permanent scowl with a long claw mark across his lips. Hm, alright so he’s not dead but did fight them? Didn’t Briana’s warden kill this guy, I could have sworn she did. I mentally pull at the strings of memory involving the Keeper from Origins. Blood magic elf calls upon a spirit to inhabit a wolf, to kill all the flat ears, spirit made werewolves, cursed with longevity, total jerkwad. Although with both elves in front of me I can’t help but laugh at the similarities are uncanny. I can’t help but laugh a little, seems like there’s a trop for bald elves in Dragon Age. Solas was still introducing us but halts as my giggle interrupts him.

   _“I know who you are Keeper, I’m just a little confused on why you are here. Didn’t Witherfang you know, take care of you?”_ The Dalish narrows his eyes scoffing at my disregard for formalities. “I can see what you meant when you said she knows too much, sir. Are you certain you think she has the ability to learn?” Sir? Oh boy, I can tell we’re not going to get along.

  _“Cara, Zathrian is an agent of mine. He assisted me greatly when I left my slumber. I’m expecting he could be of some assistance with teaching you how to use your magic.”_ I visibly ruffle, trying to not make a face of distaste. I knew Fen’Harel had agent, I don’t even mind that Zathrian being one of them. But I will be damned if I learn blood magic from this guy. I decided I would make my refusal swift and unyielding. **“No.”** Yeah, that could work. I look at neither of the elven men as I start to turn towards the exit.

  A foot from the door I feel a wisp of magic grab my wrist and pull me back. _“I will not allow you to have no control of your powers. You’re a liability for both the Inquisition and yourself. You WILL train with Zathrian until he has informed me you are adept.”_ I’m glaring furiously through green spirit magic holding me in place. Stupid mages _. “That is an order. Or would you prefer for me to punish you for this as well? Don’t think the avoidance will make me merciful.”_ My eyes dart to the Dalish blood mage as the dark voice sends shivers through me. Maybe Zathrian won’t understand, oh nope look at how uncomfortable he is! It kind of delights me that Solas would threaten me in public, of course he never needs to know that.

  Solas is looking at me, eyes dark and heavy lidded. Mmm, if looks could melt. I slowly nod waiting for the magic to uncover my mouth. The instant it does my tongue flicks across my lips, they taste of licorice…or wormwood. I moan silently and can hear a low growl vibrating through me. “I think perhaps we should begin today, sir. Unless you have other plans for the young lady.” Solas pulls his eyes off of my lips and waves his hand dismissively.

_“No, I will see you both when you return from the Brecilian Forest.”_ Wait what?!

_“You’re sending me away? With him? You guys need me here! I have a job to do Solas, I can’t just leave on a whim.”_ Granted I was going to be taking a vacation anyways but he didn’t need to know that.

_“Really? Odd, since I have already spoken to Josephine about you visiting the area just last night. She kindly agreed that you may benefit from a change of scenery. Don’t worry vhenan, go learn, and I will reward you.”_ Solas then turned away from me and begin to completely ignore us in favor of painting.

Stupid wolf, he’s going to regret this. With a huff I stomped to my chambers, packing all of my belongings and borrowing a hart from Dennet. Thinks he can just order me in to some Fereldan backwoods, think I’m going to be happy about a reward. Pft. Without a single goodbye to any of my friends I left Skyhold with my new teacher. I was honestly more sad then angry, although I’m not going to let it show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I've missed you. So here's the thing, I've been having trouble. I love my story and I have so many ideas but I felt like it was all going to come to an end faster. So I sat down and brainstormed for a few days. I've wanted a way for Cara to come into her magic a little sooner than anticipated. THUS! I GIVE YOU EGGHEAD #2. This arc is going to be interesting, I'm not sure how many chapters I'll make it. Don't worry Cara will still get letters from everyone [Cassiel is going to be pissed tbh]. Overall I hope you all still love me <3
> 
> I love your faces! <3


	22. Foxes and Arrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -This chapter includes the act of bloodletting. I tried my hardest to not go TOO detailed but please be wary.-

  The trek to Brecilian Forest was…tedious. Zathrian refused to stop and rest unless it was absolutely necessary. I would have thought that all my gallivanting with the Inquisition made me a better rider, news flash it didn’t really. When I had traveled to Redcliffe before it had taken a few days, yet now the whole trip across Fereldan took only four. By the time we made it to the Forest I could feel the familiar tingling of magic cross over me. A ward perhaps? The Aravels of the Dalish camp were beautiful, yet there more militaristic set ups than were led on by Origins. Nearly all the elves had bare faces, and each and every one of them had a wolf insignia necklace around their necks.

  “Welcome to the Wolf Den, da’len.” The bald mage does his best Vanna White impression, of course he would be if he knew who she was. I try not to laugh at my current line of thought, or the fact that they call it a Wolf Den. “I implore you not to mention to Fen’Harel that we call it that. I’m sure he would not approve.” He has a point, although I find it refreshingly tongue in cheek.  It was already becoming dark and as small ethereal lights of magic sifted through the air Zathrian introduced me to a few of the other agents.  There were only two that in my all honesty lingered in my memory.

  The more shocking of the two was Felassan in all his ancient Elvhen glory. His sharp features and long dark hair made him look regal, that was until I noticed the scarred sunburst on his forehead. No. He didn’t, I mean Cole says in Trespasser that Fen’Harel kills Felassan for failing him…But I never expected this. My heart falls to pieces, when the Veil is already hampering the Elvhen to go even further and make him tranquil was cruel. Felassan greeted me happily if not hesitantly when he noticed my staring. “When I redeem myself it will be removed, I understand why it must be done.” His voice is light yet depressing. “ _NO! How can you forgive him for this? I don’t know how I could ever look at him the same.”_ The shock of my speaking the language of the people is fleeting before the man known as the slow arrow puts his hand on my shoulder. _“It hurt him more than it ever hurt me. I asked him for this, I failed the only man I never wanted to let down.”_

  The second name I couldn’t stop thinking was Almet. An ex-Dalish elf rogue that had sun kissed caramel skin, long braided silver hair, and a stern face. He spoke with an odd mix of a Tevinter and Dalish accent, it was dark and smooth just like his features. “So, you’re the one that is an ally but not an agent?” His golden eyes narrowed onto me as I just gaped at him. “Uhm…yes…I’m Caramiriel nice to look at you. I mean meet you!” WOW. A familiar flicker of amusement that reminds me of a fox fills his eyes. I didn’t know what to do when Zathrian pulled me away, especially when I saw Almet wink. My face was burning the entire rest of the day. He wasn’t my type at all, and I had Solas. Did I have Solas? I mean, we never really resolved anything. Plus he kind of just pawned me off onto his agents. Maybe the whole ‘courting’ thing was off? I stewed on that little tidbit until I was taken to the sleeping area and fell into my dreams.

  The Wolf Den was thriving to say the least. Everyone had some sort of task, and while the camaraderie was apparent they still kept mostly to themselves. Zathrian woke me up by dousing me in unfamiliar magic, can’t say it was a feeling I ever wanted to feel again. “If you become used to this type of magic it will make your overall training much swifter.” The first few days of training were just me watching him convene with spirits that other blood mages have brought about. “Your magic can also be used for summoning, but you will find that it is more primal than what modern day blood magic is. Less about thoughts and more about instincts. Your intentions mean little if they are not how you truly feel.”

  It is on my seventh day that Zathrian performs his bloodletting. “This is an important part of our magic. You must let some of your magic go, in order to replenish stronger stores. Our mana does not drain because it is our blood, so we must do this ceremony to keep it from becoming stagnant.” I watch in partial horror as Zathrian slowly cuts up his arm, blood oozing out and giving off the faintest glow. “I do not need to do this often because I am of purer blood then you. See how my blood glows? Yours will not do this. Your blood is too far removed from Elvhen.” Wait? Glowing blood, Cassiel’s voice fills my head as he recounts the time I nearly died. “What if one’s blood did glow? What if it was bright enough to fill an entire cavern with light?” Zathrian rolled his eyes as if I just asked if nugs could fly. With a scowl he spat out “It wouldn’t. But if it did they wouldn’t need a bloodletting for a very long time.”

  Simple blood magic was taught to me in theory only, never allowed to practice what he told me. Which would be great, except I’m more of a ‘tell me once and I’ll do it’ learner. By the second week I was getting frustrated and screamed at Zathrian about treating me like a child. After my meltdown I made my way to the bathing waters, usually I avoided the communal area until it was very late at night. But I needed to clean my frustration. Luckily I only spotted one pile of clothes and decided to blow caution into the wind. Bad choice.

  As I neared the water I couldn’t see anyone else in sight, so thinking the clothes were abandoned I began to undress. The air was hot and made my body glisten with sweat as I pulled off my armor. Just as I the final article was folded I hear a loud swish of water. Wet silver locks splayed through the air like they were attached to a mermaid. Once tan hands smoothed back the tresses from his face I immediately blanked. Almet. I just stood there enamored with his toned arms and chest. A faint scar ran from his collarbone to the water, probably going further. “Ah, Caramiriel. Nice to look at you again.” His voice sent a small shiver across my entire body, as did the sly amusement that rang in it. This was trouble. I could just tell.

  I stood with all the confidence I could must muster and strode into the river without looking at the beautiful man. “I would say the feeling is mutual. However I am in a foul mood and would like to bathe in peace.” I try to make my voice cadence in the way Vivienne’s does whenever she is irked by me.  “Perhaps I can ease some that tension.” I feel cool hands touch my shoulders and rub down towards my chest. I flinch away and cover myself. Now a laugh is ringing through the air, melodic and deep. “Come now, I can tell you find me pleasing. I find you positively delicious myself. Why not have a little fun while you are with us?”

  He’s smooth, and while I attempt to stay away from him he only brings me in more with his words. Before I know it I’m in his strong arms and kissing him. There’s no fire like with my wolf. No, it is cold and tingling. Leaving me breathless all the same, that is until the guilt sets in. I push away Almet and swim towards shore as fast as I can. “Come back, did you not want that?” I don my apparel as quickly as possible before turning back at the source of temptation. “It doesn’t matter what I want from you. Fen’Harel wants me, I am his. I will always be his.” I watch the golden spark of energy leave his eyes as dread fills him. We both know what the worst possible scenario would be if our little kiss ever met the Dread Wolf’s ears.

  Running back I nearly mow down Felassan who was standing not far from the bath waters. Grabbing my arms he stops me dead in my panicked escape. Brows furrowed he touches my wet hair and my quivering lips, causing me to flinch. _“Curious.”_ I break away, causing some of my hair to be torn out in the process. I don’t stop again until I am hidden in an Aravel, breathing heavily and mind running on adrenaline. Please, don’t let him ever find out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, this chapter wasn't what I hyped myself up for it to be. "/ NEXT CHAPTER THO, especially since I have a guest writer on it <3
> 
> Also, Felassan is mentioned 100% by Cole in Trespasser. He's such an underplayed character that is only the Masked Empire. I wish he was in more, maybe DA4? =^.^= Also, Cole says he was crushed in a sad wolf's teeth [or something along those lines] but I feel like Solas wouldn't do that. Not because of a reason like Felassan thinking the elves of Thedas are real people. I do think Felassan would ask him for punishment, and something like tranquility would be worse than death especially for Elvhen. So there.
> 
> Guys, Almet, random OC I literally just came up with as I was writing. I wanted him to be sly and sexy like an arctic fox or something. But MAN does Cara let smooth talkers get the upper hand easily. Pft. 
> 
> More explanation about Ancient Blood Magic!
> 
> LOVE YOUR FACES! <3


	23. Cold Blooded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONCE AGAIN. THIS WORK IS UNRATED FOR A REASON. <3
> 
> ps. The letter part is contributed by King Of Kirkwall (with some minor changes) so give her a round of applause!

_15 th Harvestmare, 9:42 Dragon_

_Hey, Cara._

_Don’t think I’m not pissed off at you for this. You made me write to you, do you know how embarrassing this is? I paced the Great Hall for days before Varric convinced me to write. I don’t have a way with words like he does or anything, but here we go._

_I was real angry for a while. Still am. Solas has no right to tell you where to go without my permission. Next time you feel the need to go prancing off and doing whatever it is you flatears do inside Dalish camps, just don’t. You know they hate me, right? They probably get some sort of sick satisfaction out of having you hang out with the real Dalish over a monster like me and why did you let Solas tell you what to do, what the fuck? He threw a fit at me when Varric and I convinced (The paper appears scratched out, and a hole was torn into the parchment)_

_If I could put into words how absolutely entitled and standoffish that elf is, it would exhaust you. He was going to let Cole just stay a spirit and not become ‘perverted’ or whatever because it’s “what he needed”. You know what he needed? A hug. Not to stay some damned spirit but become a real person. Long story short, there are no redeeming qualities about that guy. Varric and I handled it just fine, and Cole seems better than ever. He’s finally starting to understand humanity and Solas would rather he stay a monster. Says it’s for his protection but Cole doesn’t need that amulet anyway. Haven’t seen him since I told him to shut the fuck up, so I can only hope Elgar’nan does me a favor and keeps him out of my sight until I’m done dealing with big bad and ugly._

_Speaking of keeping out of my sight, Bull is asking about you. Can you send him a letter or something? It’s kind of gross to have him breathing down my neck about you. All the dragons he isn’t slaying must be putting him on edge or something._

_Come home. I’m not going to make this an order but by the gods you do not want me marching in there. We all know what happened to the Lavellans when I stuck my hands in their business, right? Ha. Haha._

_Varric told me to tell you that he’s missing his fellow shortie something fierce. Cole told me to tell you shit but I didn’t understand any of it, and just think about how cool it’s going to be to see the Arbor Wilds! There’s some elven ruins and an elu... (more scratch marks) mirror or something Corypheus wants. I’m not going without you, so you should probably hurry up or the world’s going to end or something._

_Also, I’m never writing again. I’m going to hire you as a shadow writer when all this madness is over to write my glorious autobiography. You’ve gotta upstage Varric’s ridiculousness, so start thinking now._

_The Inquisitor_

_P.S I mean it, if you’re not back by Satinalia I’m going to the temple without you. So getta move on!_

 

I fold up the letter that had arrived with one of Lelianna’s ravens this morning. A loud sigh escapes me, Cassiel has once again pissed off the one person who can save him in the future. I wonder where that wolf ran off to. Hopefully he hasn’t caught wind of my little…lapse of control. Also it seems the attack at the Temple of Mythal is getting planned for after the celebration. I have to get through this training and get back. The Eluvian (I laugh as I remember Cassiel forgetting the name) at the temple may be key to possibly returning.

 Moving through the trees I come into the clearing where my lessons are taught. Zathrian scratching his bald head and smiled as he caught sight of me. I was beginning to think after my outburst that he would hate me even more, seems he respected me. Weird. I lift my hand up to wave but find myself being flung to the dirt.

That asshole attacked me with ice magic! “What the hell?!” Still he is smiling as he throws yet another spell in my direction, not resorting to blood magic but rather ice based magic. “You do not wish to be a da’len? Then show me what you have learned.” I swiftly dodge each needle of ice that is thrown at me, all my training with the Chargers taking over. I don’t have weapons, I don’t know how to use my powers! I begin to feel my blood boil, each step I take causes fire within me. Minutes pass by, I haven’t gained any ground defense is my only tactic. Won’t he let up? He plans to kill me just to make a point! I can’t believe this, I’m going to die just because I couldn’t keep my damned mouth shut.

A sharp pain shoots through my scarred hand, a thin slice of ice has impaled it. The heat from my veins melts the ice as a thin string of blood drips. Instinctively I cover the wound, please just I need some kind of weapon! The blood begins to warp around my hands defying gravity and settling into my palms. Deer Horn knives. Shimmering and deadly the twin weapons are a dark carmine color. This could work. Twisting my body I become accustomed quickly to the 4 points of the knives, my movements becoming more of a dance than ever before. Weaving around the space I see the world spinning at a slower rate, my blood pumping harder, quicker. I’m below Zathrian, my blades slashing his calves. He is still looking at the area where I was hit with the ice; that is until time resumes. Falling to his knees the mage screams in pain, one hand try to curb his bleeding the other popping a healing potion into his mouth.

Deep, ragged breaths. As I force my mind to calm I can feel the crescent blades to lose shape in my grip, liquid blood now covering me. “How did you do that? You were able to combine several spells and control them with ease. Not to mention create weapons from your blood. I’ve never seen anything like that in all my centuries.” Zathrian drinks another potion before wobbling to his feet. I just shrug. I honestly have no idea, I just let it all happen. My blood and flesh moving by instinct, thinking of only his lessons that drilled that into me. Cold healing magic tingles across my wound, for some reason the blood had already stopped yet the healing took the edge off. “Yeah, it’s all great. You know except for the fact I have to get hurt before it kicks in.” Huffing I cross my arms and lean against a trunk. The thought of openly letting myself get injured just to use magic is suicidal. I can’t risk bleeding out or infection every time I slice my hand open.

Two blood mages, sitting in the forest. Allies but just barely so, trying to solve a problem that will never afflict anyone else. A sharp intake of breath and Zathrian is on his feet pacing in front of me. “Do you wear rings?” I shake my head, do I look like the jewelry type and what does that have to do with anything? A smile crosses his face, more of a smirk if I’m being honest. “We could craft you two rings, with small spikes. When you need your blood just turn the ring, make a fist, thus creating a puncture wound. It would be small, but that icicle did not create a large tear either.” Zathrian begins to go on and on about the rings, it was actually a brilliant idea. I still hate him. Heaving myself off the ground I tell the elf that I will see him tomorrow. Making my way back to my sleeping spot I hear him call out that he’ll put a rush on the rings.

I didn’t walk the fade that night, my mind was blank making the passing of time seem so much shorter. Waking to Zathrian’s magic has become far less jarring over the weeks. “Get ready, we’ll keep up our practice battles until he arrives to test you. You have two hours before I want you back at the training grounds.” He? Fen’Harel is on his way, that worrisome dread fills me but is quickly taken over by excitement. I missed him, our talks, our arguments, his face, everything. I’m distracted the entire day, even at the end of the night when Felassan presents me with the two silver rings each with a pointed bloodstone in lieu of gem. “Bloodstone? Really?” Felassan nearly shrugs before leaving the rings with me. I wonder if Solas will like them…god Cara, can you get any more desperate for his approval? Yes. The answer is yes.

 

* * *

 

 

It is another three days until the buzz of the leader’s arrival reaches a peak. Agents whisper and fawn over Solas just like he was a deity. “Fen’Harel, greetings. I hope your journey was not arduous. The council would like to update you on their progress.” I hear Zathrian call out while I’m still getting ready for the day in an Aravel. I try to pick up my pace but by the time I push aside the entry flap they’re gone. UGH. Stupid elf, he knows I would want to see him! A few mages and rogues who helped train me usher me to the training grounds. Along the walk it is Panowan a young bare face Dalish who tells me that when Fen’Harel comes he is in meetings until late in the day. “It’s usually around supper that he welcomes any new agents! He’ll do the Freeing Ceremony and then eat with us. It’s so amazing watching him remove these slave markings! When Keeper Zathrian brought me here and let me have mine removed I thought it would hurt, but instead I felt so at peace and…” I let her drone on and nervously spun my silver rings.

I’m strong enough now I can take on several opponents at once. Today they decided to up the ante, 20 to 1. Mages, rogues, warriors, they all surround me as they call out “GO”.  A shimmering red barrier clings to my skin tightly, keeping the initial projectiles away as I spin around the charging combatants. Fingers grazing as many of them as I can, feeling their heart rate and getting a feel for their weaknesses. My blood magic tends to make me swifter and seems to slow down time whenever I feel cornered.

This one has a kink in her neck, his lover was a little too rough, and she had an old wound from an arrow to the knee. I can hear the blood singing to me their secrets, telling me how I can use them to my advantage. Spinning my rings I wait until my barrier fades and then…drip. My blood turns solid, and as I strike each sluggish opponent their own blood only strengthens my blade. It is exhilarating, within moments their blood is covering me seeping into my pores. Giving me more strength, quenching an addiction I didn’t know I had.

  _I want more, I need more_. I round upon Panowan, she is the only one still standing frozen in horror, bow shaking slightly. She still hasn’t given me her blood, I don’t know its song! It is only fair if she bleeds like the rest. I need to hear her blood sing for me. I stalk towards her and raise my crescent shaped blades, _only a little more blood and I’ll be back. “Caramiriel!”_ A flash of blue surrounds my shaking prey just as I was about to get enough.

Familiar cold healing magic closes my puncture wounds, halting the spilling of my blood. _Zathrian, mm I remember his blood._ I whip around snarling at my teacher, only to fall to my knees in submission. Solas is standing arms crossed and glowering with those stormy eyes. He slowly raises his left hand and with a flick of the wrist a burst of warmth passes through me. One by one I watch as my victims are healed, blood dissipating into thin air. I can’t help but growl in anger. That was my blood, I earned it! Yet the sound doesn’t leave my chest. His eyes narrow even further before he marches up to me. Towering.

_“Unacceptable.”_ I flinch and guilt courses through me, but I’m still unable to speak. Solas bends down to my level, suddenly I’m over his shoulder as he makes his leaves the training area towards the bathing river. My mind is still hazy, still high, I begin to wonder what the blood of Fen’Harel is like. Will it whisper his weakness to me? I bet it will soak into my skin like none of the others, I bet it will set me on fire in pleasure. I want his… Abruptly I am dripping in cold water, colder than usual.

_“WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU STUPID WOLF?”_ I break the surface and begin to scream at him. Solas’s unwrapped feet on standing on ice, actually I’m surrounded by ice on all side. Where did he even come from? I was literally just about to start my training and now I’m covered in freezing water. This must be some sort of prank, did one of them pull a sleeping spell on me?

_“Get your mind right and then meet me back at camp.”_ Solas turns away and leaves me alone. I wonder which is colder, the water or him. I can’t help but giggle at my little joke. Pft my mind is fine! He could have at least kissed me, I haven’t seen him in weeks! As the thought of kissing crosses my conscience I remember Almet. Shit, is that what he meant by mind right? I haven’t seen Almet since that night, did someone question his departure and Solas came to investigate only to discover I kissed him?! I slowly sink further into the river. Crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a chapter. Don't really know what happened there. -shrugs-   
> Cara be crazy guys. CRAZY POWERFUL. Please look up deer horn knives (or Mandarin Duck Hooks from Dynasty Warriors 8) they're Cara's new weapon of choice and so bad ass. Also her ability is sorta kinda based off of Beyond The Boundary's Mirai. I love her, too cute too strong. You know Knight Enchanter meets Blood Mage meets wtfkindamagicisthis.
> 
> Love all your faces! <3


	24. In The Wolf's Eyes

Solas POV

 

Felassan and Zathrian are arguing about some Tevinter Dalish that had gone missing, the latter wanting to find the boy while the tranquil saying it is unnecessary. While I may be paying enough attention to their disagreement I find my mind wandering. Wolf’s Den, it was such a presumptuous name for my headquarters yet I couldn’t help but take joy in it. Every visit proved that my support was becoming stronger, the fear of Fen’Harel’s legacy lost on my agents. While I once cringed at the near worship of my underlings I’m now realizing they thought me not as a god but rather a revered general. Such a pleasant difference to the stifling distaste I received in the Inquisition. That Lavellan was a disgrace to the Elvhen, every moment he opened his mouth it reminded me of why this world has to end. Even after the fall of Haven, when I took them to Tarasyl'an Te'las it was out of necessity rather than want.

That is until Cassiel did the one thing that has ever given me pause. It was right at our arrival to the fortress where I once created the veil. The Inquisitor had run ahead like a child to search the area, yet he brought back something that had shocked me for the first time since the Breach. Her. At first glance I had to stop myself from becoming mesmerized, going as far as ignoring Cassiel once he ran up to me. Her buxom bottom was clothed in simple cotton apparel, her chill apparent by the small pebbles barely visible to the naked eye. It made me hunger, that was until her slip of the tongue. Fen. The small little elf nearly called me Fen’Harel. The combination of liability and lust made me keep a very close on ‘Caramiriel’ in the days to come.

Of course, I did not even begin to speculate how she had so easily found her way into my thoughts. She became all I could think of, and as time went on the insatiable need only grew. She spoke the tongue with a melody that had me hanging on her every word, had knowledge none of this time should possess, walked with an uncanny grace that had me ravenous, and was powerful in all the ways I could never imagine. Yet her own greatness eluded her, causing me to pause in my hunt. How could she not see that she had everyone eating out of the palm of her hand? Especially I, an ancient Elvhen, was unable to control myself in her presence. I wanted to ravage her; break her, have her writhing and begging in carnal debauchery. However Caramiriel was an enigma that I knew I couldn’t crack until she understood herself. So, for the sake of my sanity and her growth I sent her here. To train with my agents, to grow into her magic that I knew lay dormant.

“Sir?” I was ripped from my thoughts, and I had to stifle a growl. “What?” My two commanders bristled and rephrased on if I had wish to see the da’len’s progress. “She has far exceeded what I ever expected her to. Especially once we began hands on combat. Caramiriel is a force to be reckoned with, today she is to train with twenty of our best fighters.” Twenty? Without warning I shot to my feet, my protective nature regarding her apparent. That was too many, no one is allowed to touch her other than me! Taking in a deep breath I pushed the wolf down, forcing my possessiveness into the background. “Show me.”

As we neared the training area we could hear cries of pain, my walk became heavier. Blood was everywhere, 19 bodies scattered the ground near death. My eyes immediately drifted to her familiar curves, her entire body was sparking with red magic the heaviest at her hands. Unfamiliar weaponry shimmered a dark red, did she? No, she couldn’t have. That magic has long been forgotten even by Elvhen standards. Cara drew closer to the lone challenger, the only one left standing. Felassan spoke her name, and we all sprang into action finally the shock being broken. I erected a barrier around the agent just in time to prevent her death. Caramiriel rounded on us, and I swore the whole word changed at the sight of her. Green eyes now glazed over, her white strip of hair a crimson red, snarl on her lips, and an indomitable hunger that had my wolf reeling.

I couldn’t control it any longer, the possession and dominance broke through. I focused solely on my vhenan. I will not permit this, this indomitable hunger within her is not for anything but me. I will dominate it always, and she will know that she is never to hunger for anything else. I nonchalantly heal the entirety of the fallen, silencing her constant growling within the same flick of my wrist. Caramiriel’s eyes filled with anger, seething as the focused on my approach. She was feral, and I will not have that. _“Unacceptable.”_

A moment of lucidity gone in a flash as I’m forced to haul her off kicking and snapping. She needed to calm herself, and the closer I strode towards my destination the more certain I was. Blood Warriors of Elvhenan were dangerous, their raw magic fueled a rage that only a small handful could control. Caramiriel was not one of them, and she will eventually fall to ruin in her madness. I iced the flowing river with each step, creating a ring of ice just large enough for her to fit. Then I dropped her in, and steeled myself to herself obscenities. I hissed out a warning before departing, trying to once again cage my animalistic need to remind her then and there that she was mine.

_“Did you know she was a Blood Warrior?”_ Felassan was leaning against a tree, calm as ever. Tranquility suited him, but I missed my friend. He was my top agent, the only one I trusted with my location as I entered Uthenera _. “Caramiriel is not a Blood Warrior. She may have the same magic but she is mortal, just like the rest of these shadows. However, I must say that combined with what she told me at Halamshiral…I can’t help but find the whole thing worrisome.”_

_“Her story. It is odd, if it is true. Don’t snarl at me, if you weren’t so close to her you would be questioning it all the same. I think she may be hiding something, even if she doesn’t know it.”_ Rolling my shoulders back I calmed myself against Felassan’s words. He didn’t know her, didn’t see her tears and pain at the Eluvian. _“I may have been born after the fall, but I know the cost of that power.”_ I left him, heading back towards the camp.

 

 

* * *

 

Caramiriel POV

 

Stupid wolf, hasn’t he ever hear of hypothermia! He could have killed me! My teeth were chattering, and despite the warm Fereldan air my body would just not heat up. I was tempted to try and warm myself using my new found abilities. Yet as I tried to pull on the familiar pull I realized my blood was iced and shocked. Ugh. Useless. Cold wet clothes clung to me as I stomped back to the Wolf’s Den. The sight of violet eyes narrowing and a vallaslin scrunching had me knowing the slow arrow wanted to talk. Weird because other than after my little moment with Almet he never said a word to me.

_“What?”_ I studied his face and the curves of the odd slave markings. I tried to remember if the book ever said whose they were, but now seeing them I still couldn’t place it. _“Whose are they?”_ I tilt my head to the left as his eyes widened in shock. Guess he wasn’t expecting that. _“I mean hard to believe an Elvhehen under Fen’Harel would have slave markings.”_ Oh if looks could kill. _“They are his markings, as his only sentinel he allowed me to carry them. Well, more along the lines of I refused to let him remove them and he eventually gave up.”_ FEN’HAREL’S VALLASLIN?! I couldn’t help myself, I began to trace the white markings against his brown skin. Felassan flinched and caught my hand.

_“You would do well to watch where you put your hands. I’ve kept your secret, but I will not keep this from him.”_ I shrugged, ripping my appendage away. “Tell him, I just wanted to see his markings closer. Sorry, I know you’re a little slow, but Solas is here and the only one on my mind.” And by on my mind I mean I’m going to find a way to get back at him for the whole ice thing.

“Common it is. I’ve spent more time among the new elves of Thedas. I know what they feel like, and you don’t feel like them. I will protect him from you if I have to. Strike you down when you least expect it.” I shivered, maybe from the threat maybe because I was still in ice cold clothes. Rolling my eyes I patted the Elvhen on the shoulder and left him standing alone in the middle of the woods. He was so much different than he seemed in the book, although I’m sure the whole tranquility thing changed a lot.

Coming upon the encampment I could see several people rummaging through the Aravel I kept my belongings in while Solas stood nearby arms crossed. What the hell was going on? Has he lost his damned mind? Before I could get close enough to start yelling I see Zathrian exit the Aravel with my bag packed. “What is the meaning of this?” I cry outraged, snatching the bag from my teacher. “We’re leaving, now.” Solas’s usual smooth voice was clipped and he refused to look at me as he made his way towards two Harts. I rushed after him, and as we rode through the barrier I felt guilt. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to everyone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Solas is hard. I'm never doing it again....probably. Ok, so they're leaving the Wolf's Den. Short little arc.   
> Also, no Solas did not find about Almet. But cmon it's only a matter of time.   
> I'm a little worried about Cara. Felassan and Solas are rattled by what they saw. It's not easy to rattle Elvhen.
> 
> Love your faces. <3


	25. Learning

The first day was hard, Solas didn’t say a word the entire ride. I for sure was not going to make the first attempt, I was still upset. I didn’t get to say goodbye, and he treated me to an ice bath for absolutely no reason. Not to mention Felassan’s words kept repeating like a broken record. Could he tell that I was from another world? I mean I wouldn’t doubt that Solas had told his top agent that I was from another world. Did they think that made me a threat? I could barely do any damage especially to an Elvhen, plus I would never intentionally hurt Solas…right?  Why did he even send me to that place if he was only going to take me away before I could be strong enough to actually help?

We silently set up camp, Solas starting a fire with magic while I placed our bedrolls on either side of the fire pit. The silence was gnawing at me, creating unease within my mind.

_“Solas, why did you make me go?”_ A exasperate sigh comes from behind me. _“Why did you avoid me when we returned to Skyhold?”_ We weren’t going to get anywhere with only questions so before I inquired on why he didn’t seek me out I slumped.

_“I realized that I wasn’t worth it. No, that’s wrong. I was worried I was losing to that feeling again. I want to be stronger. Sera, she…her words hurt more after the fact than I care to admit. Then everything with you, and GAH. I don’t know. I felt like I was had to be better, stronger, in order to have you.”_ Plopping onto my bedroll I shift my head into my hands. I’m so eloquent with everyone else BUT him.

_“Surprisingly I agree with you. That’s why I made you go, to make you realize you aren’t the same person you were.”_ I peek through my fingers seeing his legs slowly bending before I’m met with his worry filled eyes. _“Unfortunately I believe I may have set you down a harder path. Your magic, it’s too strong. The similarities between it and the blood magic of Elvhenan is concerning. In the past you would have spent decades, centuries even, just learning how to curb the madness associated with it. However, you do not have the luxury of immortality. Either you will fall to death without magic or insanity with it.”_

Madness? I’ve never felt that once when using my powers. He must be projecting his ideals of the Elvhen onto me. I think he wants so desperately for me to be like him that he jumps to these conclusions. Obviously my magic might be similar but it’s not. Madness might not be a thing.

_“Pft. Look, I know that you think I have some great magic. But I haven’t once had even a wild thought. You’re stretching.”_ Placing my hands firmly behind me I lean away from his face, rolling my eyes.

_“Caramiriel! You became a rabid animal, no different than demons or darkspawn. You fought and nearly demolished your sparring group. Destruction reigned with your magic, every drop of their blood powering your own! Your mind only returned because of my interference.”_  Solas’s voice was strained, eyes narrowed, and his entire face was that familiar scowl. Crap, he meant it. A slow panic began to seep into me. I couldn’t let myself become like a darkspawn. I just wanted to help protect my friends!

_“What do I do?”_ Pleading, and weak I tried hard to stifle all the self-loathing. Was this the cost of being in Thedas? It must be, I didn’t belong here. My body and magic was wrong and perverted, just like the demons and darkspawn. Everything about me was not of this world.

_“We keep the blood of others away from you. That is the only solution I can think of at the moment. It might help stave off the madness, if only until I can devise a more permanent alternative. I will have to barrier you whenever in combat, which admittedly I was already doing.”_ Chin in fist he looked like he was trying to solve the most important puzzle in the universe. Not something as menial as saving my mind, although it felt good that he cared enough. Wanting my mind to be free, caring about my sanity, it had my heart thumping at his affection.

“Solas, Kiss me.” Pulling his attention back to reality at my hoarse whisper. Darkness filling his grey eyes immediately, as he slowly brought his hand to the back of my neck. The grazing of his nails before the stiff yank of my hair had me struggling to catch my breath.

_“You do not order me, vhenan. I am not here to submit to your whorish whims.”_ Deep skin tingling words trailed into my ears. The thought of his anger had me shuddering as a quiet moan escaped my lips. Then it was gone, the heat and danger leaving me feeling empty.

_“I apologize. We must rest now if we have any intention of returning to Skyhold quickly.”_ He was pulling away, bringing the hand that had fisted my hair to wipe his face _. “Why is it so difficult to control myself around you?”_

My fingers reached towards his face, lightly tracing his jawline. “ _Don’t hold back. I’ve never felt like this before. I trust you, I need you.”_ I trailed his neck as his adams apple bobbed before grabbing a handful of cloth. Still he put more distance between us, it left an ache in my chest.

_“If this is what you truly want then there must be rules. I will not bring you into this blindly, the most important thing is power. We are equals no matter what I do to you, if anything you hold the greatest power. You set your boundaries, you can cut off at any time, no matter how much I am dominating you. Until we have both agreed to what we want from this I will not touch you in that way.”_ Solas’s voice was stern and immediately cleared my mind. I have to be honest, this was NOT what I was expecting at all.

We discussed for an hour what his rules to even start making rules was. Yet every moment I caught sight of his eyes I could see that the darkness was still there. Why did he feel this was all necessary? I mean I know why, consent obviously. Every few lines he would reiterate that he would never make me feel emotional pain, because I was ‘vhenan’.  I finally fell asleep with my head on his chest and his fingers on my hair. Too many revelations today, I just need to get back to Skyhold and not have any more surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK! GUYS I'M BACK.   
> I love you all, I just went into a depression because of this story. The end keeps getting closer and I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for that yet. Then I really felt it was important to have consent and I felt like Solas is such a stickler for free will etc that he would to. So this chapter was kinda boring, it took me FOREVER to write. I'm still not sure if I'm happy with it but eh. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> More stuff is going to happen soon, more drama, and then EVEN MORE DRAMA.
> 
> Love your faces <3


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

As we slowly made our way across the fixed bridge towards home I could make out a few figures waiting just inside Skyhold’s main gate. Jumping down from my mount I took off in a dead run towards the largest one. “My buddy Cara!” Leaping up into Iron Bull’s crushing arms he flung me in circles while the rest of the Chargers laughed and greeted me. “Oh Bull! I’ve missed you so much! And the rest of you all. I’m never leaving ever again, no one could take a joke over there!” As my feet touched stone I was swept into more hugs.

“Back off, she’s mine!” Suddenly a hand is dragging me away from the group and bringing me into toned arms. “Caramiriel, you never wrote me back! I can’t believe you left while I was gone. I have so much to tell you!” I giggle as Cassiel tries to suffocate me in his arms.

“I’m sorry, it was kind of spur of the moment. What’s the news?” I gently try to dislodge myself from him and begin to walk towards the main hall.

“Well, you know most of it. EXCEPT for the hot piece of Dalish that came in literally write after I sent you the raven. He’s delicious, and is actually nice to me! Can you believe it? A nice Dalish. Plus his long hair, his sparkling eyes, mmm had me forgetting all about Cole!” Cass went on and on about this new addition to the Inquisition. His attraction was so apparent it had me laughing.

“Well, I do love long…” Glancing towards the stables I see Dorian conversing happily in Tevene with a horrifyingly familiar face. “hair.”

Shit. I mentally fell to my knees and screamed a no to the heavens. Meanwhile real world Cara was frozen solid. Watching as the two men drew closer, only to see fox like golden orbs twinkling in delight.

“Ah, Almet. This is Cara, the elf I was telling you about last night!” Cassiel motioned to me but then stopped at my reaction. Him, me, him, me Cassiel was bound to get dizzy going back and forth like that.

“A pleasure to look at you again. Perhaps maybe we could share another moment like before.” Almet’s eyes shifted behind me as he slowly brought my lifeless hand to his lips. “This will have to do for now.” Cold dread filled me as he winked, oh good gods why?

Cassiel on the other hand was nearly jumping up and down. “OH MY DIRTHAMEN! Do you two know each other? This is so great. Forget about that stupid egg you have a certified Dalish sex god!” If I could stiffen and more I would have. Snatching my hand back I slowly turn towards the actual god.

Double shit. Solas’s jaw was clenched tight and I could see the scowl even through his stoic face. “Don’t worry Chuckles. I’m sure you’ve sealed the deal already.” I flinch at Varric’s horrible timing. No, he hadn’t sealed the deal. Then darkness grew over his blue eyes, a storm was coming, and I would be at the center.

“Master Tethras, I plan to right now. Cara, a moment.” Solas nearly pushed Almet to the ground as he dragged me towards the stables. I could hear laughter as Cassiel went on and on about how he would get me to leave Solas for Almet. “I ship you two so much!” Ugh, that man and his mouth.

 

* * *

 

 

The kitchen staff nearly jumped as he flurried us through, before throwing me into my office and locking the door. I fumbled a few feet before catching myself, how am I going to explain this?

“Solas, I have a really good explanation. I messed up but…” My words are cut off as Solas kisses me. His lips pushed against my own, forcing me to back against one of the bookcases. The familiar heat spread through me settling into my stomach ripping a moan from me. He hungrily devoured it, mouth rushing in to dominate my own. Tendrils of warmth wrapped around my wrists pushing them to the wall, even as his hands glided up to my shoulders I still couldn’t move due to his magic.

“I feel it is necessary to remind you of just who you belong to, vhenan.” Gripping my hair and forcing my back to arch into him as he whispered the threat. I could feel the throbbing of his sex against my stomach, making my inside clench in need. Slowly I could feel the tendrils of magic wrap around my body, everything in me shuddered helplessly. I never realized how bad I had wanted this, even as the strips became coarse as I squirmed beneath them I couldn’t help but moan.

“Mm, that’s good vhenan. Now tell me what you want.” A free hand pressed against my stomach sliding down until fingertips lightly grazed my aching mound. Yet they stilled, denying me what I knew would send me over the edge. Bucking my hips to attempt to force his hand to my lips I felt the bonds of magic tighten and scrape against me further. Stormy eyes narrowed as Solas pulled away leaning across the opposite wall. “I must admit, you seem a little uncomfortably heated. Perhaps you’re wearing too many garments.”  Suddenly I could feel my clothing fall off of me, gods magic was so useful.

A low hum of approval escaped Solas as he took in the sight of my body. I tried to flinch and cover myself in embarrassment but still the bindings remained. His gaze was like an actual touch, I could feel it take in every inch and curve of my body. It had me even wetter than I thought could be possible. “Please..Solas. I need…you.” I pleaded as I pushed against the restraints further. Suddenly he was towering over me again, hand returning to its tantalizing position.

“What do you need, exactly?” Each word was clipped and dripping with desire as his free hand pinched one of my nipples. As the weight of my breast shifted in his palm a soft silk pulled at my skin, expletives leaving my mouth at the new sensation. “SOLAS! PLEASE. I need you to use me, make me come.”

A finger dipped between my damp folds and ran itself up and down the length, a sharp intake of his breath when he realized just how wet he had me. Spreading my legs further I bucked the slightest bit as he teased my entrance. Nearly screaming in satisfaction when the digit pushed in, stretching and filling me for the first time in forever. A thumb rubbing circles into my clit as his single finger had me writhing against the damning magic. It had been too long, and he was too good at this. A second finger breached my slick heat and I could feel my body stiffening, creeping closer to the edge of pleasure. Fists balled I bit down on my lip before screaming out his name, Fen’Harel.

Then nothing, Solas retreated from my depths leaving me more frustrated then I thought I could ever be. He began kissing me again, forcing his tongue deep into my mouth a carnal display of dominance. Suddenly I was whirled around as his magic forced me to brace myself on a low shelf. Bent over so my ass was sticking in the air two large hands gripping tightly to my hips. “Say my name again.” His voice was dark and I relished the way it sent heat flaring back into my core. I shivered as his hands exposed my dripping heat to his devouring gaze. “Fen’Harelllhh!” His member plunged deep into me as I could feel my pussy clench at the intrusion. God he was tearing me apart, two fingers did not prepare me for this at all. Yet I welcomed the slight pain as he stilled waiting for my walls to relax, a groan escaping his as I pushed impossibly further onto him. “Caramiriel, stop moving.” I froze as the wrappings tightened bringing me another pleasurable sensation.

That was before my world fell apart. Solas began fucking me senselessly, slamming his cock so far into my depths I could feel it in my stomach. My cries of pleasure became deafening even as he filled my mouth with his fingers, causing me to taste the remnants of my pleasure.  With each thrust I could feel the coil tighten within me, blinding heat building as he began to hit that one spot. “Come for me. Come right now.” He bit the tip of my ear and waves of pleasure came crashing through me.  My orgasm didn’t faze him as Solas continued to slam harder into me, the pressure building until I was bucking against him. “I’m going to come again!” My plea for mercy was met with my hair being bunched into his fist as my back arched. Again, pleasure coursed through my entire body. Shaking me until I worried that my knees would buckle sending me hurling to the floor.

A free hand slithered around my waist and began rubbing my pulsating clit, his momentum never stopping. “No, I can’t. I can’t do it again. Please, come in me!” I stammered despite my body grinding against his hand. I feeling my walls begin to close around his member I mentally prepared myself to be overcome with pleasure yet again, until he tensed. Three more thrusts and he was bursting inside of me, biting my back as it drew me over my own edge. I screamed his name one last time before becoming limp putty. "You're mine."

The magic bindings were suddenly gone as I hazily felt myself being lifted. I would have protested, if I could think straight. “Vhenan where is your room? I will fade step us there.” I curled into his sweaty chest and slowly pointed to the bookcase behind him. “Pull the…the book” He strode over and through half lidded eyes I grabbed the secret lever before succumbing to darkness. I could feel his heartrate begin to slow, and the familiar scent of wormwood drifting over me.

“How can this be?” I was too far gone to hear the exclamation, even as he shook my shoulder to try to rouse answers from me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY.  
> So, the moment of dazzling oh shits. This took me FOREVER to write. I really need your guys' feedback on this. Any helpful comments/critiques would be fantastic. I know it may be awkward to post a comment for some people, but even ANON's help! ^_^  
> WELL  
> yeah.  
> Please tell me what you think. I'm a sniveling mess over here which is NOT pleasing to my fiancee.  
> Also, guys Cass is such a trash bro, shipping CaraMet. Even though Almet is ASKING to be killed, seriously boy has a deathwish.
> 
> Love your faces <3  
> PS: I'm kind of curious about getting a beta. If anyone who reads this is an experienced writer and up for the challenge of dealing with my crappy writing please let me know in the comments! <3 <3


	27. Second Moon

Ow, everything ached as I slowly came back to consciousness. I refused to open my eyes and slowly tried to remember why my entire body felt as if I had just ran a marathon while hog tied. A hand caressed my hair spurring back all the memories. Oh yeah, mhmm ache was definitely worth the marathon. Flickering open my eyes I rubbed them before focusing on Solas. “Mm.Morning.” I groggily greeted my lover while burrowing further into his shirtless warmth. Heat beginning to pool into my stomach again as I wondered if I could tempt him.

_“Vhenan, we need to talk.”_

What? My whole tempt the god idea came crashing down. That particular phrase only ever meant one thing. A stone suddenly formed in my chest, as I began to worry that I didn’t please him. I mean of course he must have had tons of lovers. I must have been kidding myself to think that I could possibly compare to the Elvhen harem he most likely had. I’m such an idiot, I mean just because it was mindblowing for me, and just because he got off didn’t mean it was great for him. He’s going to politely thank me for showing him a good time and then leave. I know it. Well fuck him, I won’t let him!

_“Don’t you dare think you can dump me now that you’ve gotten what you wanted! If you even entertain the idea I will sic everyone from Bull to Cass on you!”_

I pushed off of his chest, getting into a sitting position. Of course I cringed with the sudden movement, yeah slow and steady today. A brief glance proved that (true to his word) the magic bindings didn’t leave a mark. However the two hand shaped bruises on my hips were a nice reminder of the evening.

_“What? Why would you even think I would do such a thing? I just wanted to discuss your room! Not to mention I think I’ve become quite an addict when it comes to you.”_

Oh. Why did he want to talk about my room? I glanced around, even after all this time I kept the furniture at a minimum. Just the bed, tub, and a small chest that housed all of my belongings. Slowly picking at the sheet hem I felt a little guilty for accusing him. But how the heck was I supposed to know my sleeping arrangements were morning after talk?

“Do you have any idea what this room is?” I shook my head still finding my bedsheet extremely interesting.

_“Caramiriel, look at me. We have a problem, a serious problem. As you may already know Tarasyl'an Te'las has passed through many hands. Yet ultimately it began as an Elvhen stronghold, one that became the place I created the veil. That is why I found it so easily, even if it was not created by me I still occupied it during its infancy. However, this room was not something I was made aware of.”_ Fan theorists everywhere rejoice! Solas did indeed create the Veil here! I tried to maintain a serious face despite my inner giggling. Did Solas not think that someone could have just made the room AFTER he left it? It seemed apparent that there were cosmetic changes such as those odd dwarf statues.

_“Maybe it was made after..” “No, there is no way. This is a sleeping chamber. To be more precise it is what someone would be placed in when they entered uthenera. Not to mention the most disturbing information, that hopefully you can dissuade me from. Cara, were these the sheets on the bed when you found the room?_ ” Solas looked into my eyes pleading for a denial, one that I couldn’t give. _“Fenedhis! That means that whatever Elvhen rested here had entered into a perfect sleep. They did not require the maintenance others did in order to keep their body from decomposing. That may not seem like much but I only know of a few who have reached such heights in magic, and none of them should be on this side of the veil.”_

Solas became increasingly frantic as he jolted from bed, pacing and wringing his hands. He didn’t stop talking, voicing all of his concerns, all of the worst possible scenarios. Of course he eventually dismissed each one, I mean there was no possible way one of the Evanuris could have slipped through unnoticed. Even if they had, he would have already been attacked. Most likely whatever Elvhen may have resided here they were long gone, I mean that was thousands of years ago! They probably woke up and either fell with Arlathan or were wandering about Thedas just like Felassan had been doing.

I fell back onto the sheets, staring up at what I could now confirm was Arlathan. I was only half listening to his rambling, lost in my own thoughts. This was the ancient Elvhen capital, it was beautiful. The validation of the scene only made it that much more awesome, I could picture the People milling about the streets. I could see the celebrations, the magic, everything that made the empire of Elvhenan what it was. A dip in the bed brought me back down to Thedas as Solas lied beside me.

_“Is that really what Arlathan looked like?” “Yes.” “It was beautiful.” “Indeed it was, vhenan.”_ The bed jostled again and through my peripherals I could see that Solas had his full attention on me.

_“But even at its height it was never as beautiful as you are.”_

I rolled my eyes before glaring at him. I was about to condemn him for being a smooth talking liar until I saw his face. It was calm and smiling ever so faintly, and yet his eyes dazzled like never before. There was an emotion in his eyes that I wasn’t sure I was ready to see, regardless it was there and it had me fidgeting. A part of me wanted to push him away, another wanted to kiss him. As a deliberated my two choices I chewed on my lip, before meeting his gaze again. Only this time it was that familiar dark and stormy grey I was used to. Immediately my body responded even before he touched me, and flames engulfed me when he finally did. God, what had I gotten myself into?

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey buddy! I know you’re in there, Boss sent me to come bring you to the festivities. You know in case you were tied up.” A smack and Iron Bull’s familiar laughter rang through the secret door. I slowly stretched my body beneath Solas’s arm. Trying to work out the kinks and pains that were left from our most recent roll in the hay. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep, but Iron Bull was an extremely loud knocker and wasn’t letting up. I slowly put on my usual attire, while trying not to snicker at the unhappy groans from the naked elf on my bed. Nice to know I wore him out.

Padding to the entryway I opened it just enough to slip through. Iron Bull and Dorian were bickering, and stopped only when I grabbed both of their hands. “Oh just screw already won’t you?” Bull only laughed harder as Dorian turned a brilliant shade of red. The three of us exited my office, only to be bombarded by music. Seems like Satinalia was in full swing, as the celebration was apparent even in this secluded corner of Skyhold. “Caramiriel, Josephine wanted you to meet her before you headed out to enjoy the holiday. Seems she missed you and had an apology gift.” Dorian’s smooth voice was hard to hear, but I got the gist. Nodding I broke off and made my way up the stairwell.

“Darling! I’m so sorry for what I said before you left. As my sign of sincerest apology I got you these! They’re from Antiva!” Josie was plastered, that or she REALLY missed me. The ambassador was draped over my smaller frame holding up a box that she nearly dropped when she assaulted me. As I pulled away I stole the gift. A top some crimson and black fabric sat a beautiful mask. The filigree mask would not keep my identity hidden seeing as it would only cover a fifth of my face. However as my hands traced the garnet eyes of the beautiful bat shaped accessory I couldn’t help but get excited. “Put it on!” Lifting the dress from the box I took in the complete majesty of it. The whole ensemble was crimson with only a black bodice and black lace around the neckline and bell sleeves. I had to cringe slightly at the amount of chest I would obviously be showing, it just screamed ‘hey look at these girls!’

With a wistful sigh I took the dress and carefully donned it, trying not to look as Josephine was sure to be aware of the lingering sex marks. Although once the satin fabric hung loosely (surprisingly) on my frame I turned to her smirking face. “Nice to see the screams were warranted.” I could feel my face turning the same shade as my gown, as I stammered to find some sort of excuse. Josie smiled waving her hands before turning towards the Great Hall. “Don’t worry, I’m sure only half of the Inquisition heard you!” She giggled drunkenly and made a graceful dash through the door. Crap.

I’m sure that in comparison to the large celebrations held in Antiva City for a week our singular night of Satinalia party was child’s play. But damn did we sure try. I had never seen the Great Hall so full of people, even as I made my way into the courtyard I was floored at the capacity. Several bands of musicians of musicians scattered the grounds, and there were even carts of food and games lining every inch of wall space. Bustling through I looked for anyone I recognized, and suddenly a puff of white hair jumped near the tavern. Cassiel!

Pushing my way through the crowd I finally made it to the Dalish Inquisitor, who was much like Josie very intoxicated. Not to mention…he was currently making out with Almet! My brain stuttered, almost completely shutting down. Good for Cass, he deserved some action that didn’t leave him angry. However, I was a little put off by how quickly Almet moved. Literally just yesterday he was hinting at wanting to fight Solas over me and now he was throat deep in my friend. I cleared my throat, which in all honesty did nothing over the music, finally I called out Cassiel’s name. Yep, that’s right look guilty Mr. Playboy.

“Uh Cara, look I can explain…” Red eyes wide Cass all but pushed the other man to the ground. “No need. I’m happy for you…I think.” I couldn’t help but giggle as Almet stood only to wrap himself around Cassiel, nudging the pale neck with his nose. “Well, I mean. You and Solas we all heard you too. Almet was a little upset. Stop that! I’m trying to talk here. Then we were drinking and one thing sort of led to another and well yeah.” I decided to mimic Josephine’s blasé attitude but ended up hitting someone in the back. “Seriously, Cass. Don’t want to know, don’t care to know. Just be safe.”

I couldn’t help but start to become uncomfortable as Almet attempted to give Cassiel a hickey right in front of my eyes. I mean I think they’re both good looking guys, but I’m not into friend play. It’s like watching your siblings, or worse parents. Just ew, not my thing. I began to slowly make my retreat when a pair of warm arms and wormwood engulfed me. “Don’t you know vhenan, it’s not nice to leave a lover in bed?” As Solas’s voice rasped into my ear I couldn’t help but to shudder before melting.

“Oh wait, Cara before you go! What in Falon’din’s name is that?!” Cassiel had pried himself away from a mewling Almet yet again and was now pointing at my neck. I rolled my eyes, suddenly being hit with déjà vu, yet as my fingers went to my neck I didn’t feel pain but rather a warm tingle of magic. It seemed solid, but not of any material I had ever felt before. Yet as I traced the lining realization hit me. He did not! “Nothing to worry about Inquisitor, just a little gift from yours truly.” Warmth hit my nether regions as I fingered the collar, damn this man had a gift alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was such a relief to write. It all just poured out of me. IT WAS FANTASTIC.  
> More interesting things, and hints as to what the future may or may not hold.  
> Also I'm a firm believer that Solas is the smoothest talker of all time, I don't care what you say. He literally could talk his way into a paper bag's pants. Although we all wish we were that paper bag.  
> In case anyone is interested I spent some time and made a little BDSM checklist. I know I didn't go into the nitty-gritty of what their conversation on the road held but I want you all to know that anything and everything was already discussed between them. Solas is 100% about consent, and knows that Cara has all the power in the relationship (mostly because she's a boss). Not to mention that while this series may have D/s undertones etc that it is NOT by any means a how to guide, nor is it a BDSM fanfic. I never intended it to happen, it's just those two had needs and who am I to judge?   
> You can find it here::  
> http://lightsoutinabodybag.tumblr.com/post/148273397986/eeotw-checklist
> 
> I love your faces! <3
> 
> ps CassxAlmet playboy lovin'.


	28. Rub the Wrong Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. Consider this an apology for not posting as often. More sin for all of you! Also a little necessary filler before the drama picks up yet again.

Solas slowly wrapped his arms around my waist and back stepped into a dark corner of the courtyard.  The masked faces of the Inquisition blurred around me, my mind still caught up on the apparent collar around my neck. Even without seeing the accessory I could tell it was thin and unassuming, nothing more than a plain choker necklace. Yet the tight flaming coil settling in my midsection insisted it was more than that.

_“Vhenan, you left me.”_ His nails dug into my sides, causing a helpless jerk of my rump to his crotch. _“I…I’m sorry. They wouldn’t have left us alone if I didn’t.”_ My voice was a hoarse whisper, as his mouth found the crook of my neck. A slow hum of agreement against my pulse had me once again squirming against him.  My eyes glazed over as a warm wet tongue flicked against my burning skin. A nip of his teeth jolted me aware, as a rather hard member pressed into my butt and back. I looked about, we were to the side and out of the main thoroughfare, but if someone had decided to look this way they would definitely know what we were up to. The very thought of someone seeing tightened the building pleasure within me. There would be no way anyone could deny that I had somehow convinced this walking sex bomb into bed with me. No one could shake their head when I told them that he hungered for me, because here he was uncontrollably lusting after me.

I couldn’t help but melt further against him, lying my head back onto his chest. His mouth continued its taunts yet I felt one hand leave my hip. It only took a small whimper before I was pleased to find his free hand grabbing my own. A small cold stone pressed into my palm before he continued back to my hip.

_“Vhenan, rub the stone_.” Solas’s voice was dark and husky as he commanded into my ear. Confusion swept over me. Rub a stupid stone why would I do that when I could be rubbing my hands over him? A bite to my ear made me jump before he ordered me yet again to rub. Rolling my eyes I shifted the stone in my hand and pressed my thumb to it. My collar suddenly left my neck and slithered with a mind of its own down the inside of my dress. It curled between my breasts, heat constricting under my skin. I nearly dropped the magic item in shock, as I squirmed in pleasure. _“Keep going.”_ The stone was becoming warmer as my thumb coaxed its surface, each swipe leading the magic further down until it pressed against my lips. Rolling my hips I pressed hard into the object, and I felt a small vibrate against my clit.

I couldn’t help the loud breathy moan that escaped me. The thought of this stone acting as a magic sex toy caused a wetness to gather between my legs. As if it had a mind of its own the snake like sliver of magic buried itself between my lips. One end still vibrating slowly against my hardening nub while the other just grazed my slick entrance. A twitch against my back brought my attention away from my groin.

_“I want you to come for me in front of everyone.”_

You don’t have to tell me twice, I thought smugly as my thumb resumed its job. I grinded into the magic as the vibrations doubled. Pressing my thighs closers I desperately urged the other end to breach me. I bucked against Solas, breathless and gripping onto his clothing with my free hand. My fingers furiously rubbed the stone until finally I felt a surprisingly large piece of heat enter me. I bit onto my lip muffling a scream as white hot pleasure burst through me. Shuddering as the vibrations refused to cease and fingerlike magic stilled inside my clenching walls.

_“Keep going.”_

Despite my orgasm I nodded my understanding and gulped as I continued to pleasure myself. The magic would enter me over and over, relentlessly bringing me closer to the edge again. I could faintly make out cheers and laughter. Cassiel had just been named the Fool of Satinalia, I would have joined in the fun but I could only think of the pleasure building in my body. As if he sensed my distraction Solas glided his hands up my body, resting them against my breasts. He never stopped sucking and nipping my neck even as his hands deftly massaged my mounds, pinching my pert nipples. A second passed and I was once again stifling a scream as I felt my pussy quiver in pleasure. My knees began to become putty and I pushed further into the rock of an elf behind me. I shook against him, almost sliding to the ground before I heard a growl and the whole world spun.

I felt my chest push against cold stonework as Solas kicked my legs apart. Pinning me to the wall I felt a brush of air as my skirt was bundled above my thighs. My thumb never relented and neither did the magic, until I finally felt a more substantial heat push against my soaked opening. I stilled as Solas sheathed his entire member into my sensitive core. I writhed and bucked pushing him further in, agonizing moans falling from my lips. I needed him to move. Finally getting his head back he grabbed my hair and forced my head back to kiss me. A slowly unmoving kiss that tempted a whine from the back of my throat. Solas devoured the sound and began to finally undulate against me. Each ripple of his hips against my backside had me seeing stars. His cock brushing against that coil of nerves within me had me stifling moans into his mouth. I was so close. I could feel my heat begin to tighten around his cock, signaling that I was toeing the edge.  As if spurred by the clenching Solas picked up his grinding, a tenseness filling us both. With each jerk of his body against mine I was slammed further into the cold wall, the heat and the cold were sending my head spinning. Suddenly Solas pulled away from my lips and locked eyes with me. His pupils were blown wide, leaving only a thin line of grey against the black.

_“Scream for me vhenan.”_

One last deep thrust and I was spinning in pleasure. My orgasm ripped a scream from my lips, filling the air with just another voice celebrating in the crowd. My pussy clenched and each throb shook my entire being. Solas stilled and jerked once, twice, three times before he melted against me. His nose nuzzled into my hair and kissed my head over and over. Rubbing my sides softly as I came down from the biggest high, stopping only once I was completely relaxed and cooing into his arms. He slipped out of me and I could feel the viscous liquid coat my thighs. _“Let’s go to your chambers and clean you up. Come with me, vhenan.”_ Solas was urging me into his arms before cradling my entire weight and walking through the crowd. “I thought I just did.” My lazy joke was met with a chuckled that lulled me into unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

 

As I wandered Skyhold the next morning I could only shake my head in wonder. Incapacitated bodies lay strewn about the fortress, some were collapsed alone with a bottle in their hand and others were cloistered together in compromising positions. Good thing we weren’t storming the wilds until tomorrow, or Corypheus would get the well without even a fight. Pushing the door of the tavern open I was surprised to see Cabot shuffling about putting coffee in front of groaning patrons. Despite his energy the entirety of Herald’s Rest was quiet, even the Chargers were slumped in a corner nursing hangovers. Oh I could not pass that up.

I tiptoed towards them as silently as possible, and I could feel my lips push into a deviant smile. Stupid Bull always teased me when I was hungover, and yet there he sat clutching his head. The tables had turned in my favor and I realized I was a horrible friend. Standing over their table I raised both of my arms and brought them loudly down upon the wood. “WAKEY WAKEY!” I yelled into Iron Bull’s ear before bursting into a fit of laughter. I didn’t even have time to regret my cruel entrance before Iron Bull swiped a large hand at me. I’m too quick for you! I dodged to the left and slid onto the bench between Krem and him.

“Cara, you’re an asshole.” Krem muttered into his arms, with a shrug I hijacked his coffee and downed the last gulp. “Tell me about it. Geez, you guys partied way too hard.” Iron Bull finally realized my new location and his gaze attempted to kill me. “Yeah, not all of us fucked in front of everyone, buddy.” My heart stopped as the coffee found its way out of my mouth and all over the table.

“Karma. Now, be quiet or leave.” Dalish peeked her head out from her knees and spat the words. Boy were they pissy when hungover. Each Charger grumbled their agreement, a part of me wanted to punish Bull for his enlightenment. However these were my friends and as much as I felt that they deserved every mock I could come up with I loved them enough to not do that. Stupid friendship feelings getting in the way of payback. I sat in comfortable silence as Cabot placed a mug of my own steaming coffee on the table. By the time I finished the beverage the liveliness of the Herald’s Rest was beginning to return.

Solas had a mural to finish so I didn’t want to bother him, plus I hadn’t spent much time with my friends since I returned. The day was spent lazily catching up with each of the Inner Circle before I finally came upon Cassiel wrapped up in Almet’s arms listening to Leliana explain the plan of attack.

“Inquisitor you need to decide today who you wish to be part of your team. And no, Almet cannot be one of them. No offense to him, but I feel you need to rely on the Inner Circle we have built for you.” A groan escaped Cassiel at the loss before he nodded and caught my eye.

“Caramiriel! I want her! And, Cassandra! Maybe Cole too? Is that alright with you babe?” Cassiel shifted in his lovers arms and was met with a stern look. “Ok, no Cole. I don’t know then, who do you think I should bring?” Before Leliana could reply her suggestion I nearly shouted “Solas! He is the best healer, and I heard he is familiar with the Arbor Wilds. He would be the best choice! Plus his magic really complements our fighting style! He could pretty much just be our glorified barrier!”  

Solas had to be there, I had to make sure of it. One, he was familiar with Mythal’s Temple and would be a huge help and insight. Two, I could not go into battle without a guarantee that he would be able to keep me sane. Of course I kept those reasonings to myself even as I pleaded more and more with Cassiel. It even got to the point where the two of us hadn’t noticed the Nightingale’s departure. However we were both left speechless when Almet’s sensual words finally entered the fray.

“I say you bring the, what is your name for him? Right, egg. I say you take the egg, Cara seems like she needs him there. Maybe Falon’din will smile upon you and the egg will find the whole ordeal too taxing and decide to leave the Inquisition.” I bristled at his words and rolled my eyes at the wink he sent my way. Cassiel put his finger to his pursed lips and finally nodded. “Fine, he can come. But I swear to Andruil I will put an arrow through him the moment he gets on my nerves!” I tried not to pump my fist in victory and skipped off towards the rotunda to prepare a plan for our upcoming trial in the wilds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh, the end of the chapter was rushed but honestly I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE ARBOR WILDS. So much is going to happen. Expect some possible cannon divergence from here on out. Maybe, there's two roads Cara could go down and I'm not sure which one will actually happen. 
> 
> I love your faces! <3


	29. Into the Wild.

I swung both of my dangling feet as a clutched the edge of Solas’s desk. I was worried, I could feel the anxiety pulling and lurching my heart. My eyes flickered to his painting back to my left, he was so focused. Maybe I shouldn’t interrupt. I mean we could talk about this later right? When? If we weren’t busy doing our own jobs then we were practically pawing at each other. That was the problem though, the insatiable lust had been clouding my judgement. I could ask someone else, Josie or maybe even Dalish. Yet the thought of them judging me only made a large lump form in my throat. Just suck it up Cara, you can just ask!

_“Solas, can I ask you something?”_

My voice cracked, actually cracked as the words spilled out of me. Solas didn’t even hesitate, just kept focusing on his mural.

 _“You just did, vhenan.”_ I let out a long sigh, maybe this was a bad idea. I shut my mouth, looking down as the seconds ticked by. _“What troubles you?”_ I peeled my eyes off the floor and realized that somewhere during my inner turmoil he had started to make his way towards me. Oh no. No way could I ask him to his face! He might laugh at me, or be upset that I wasn’t already doing it! I’m such an idiot! Why did I constantly put myself in situations that lead to my foot being shoved in my mouth!

“Caramiriel, tell me what is on your mind.” Another sigh and finally like word vomit it came out. The very thing that had kept nagging me in the back of my mind since our first night together.

“Solas, istherelikeatonicorsomethingsothatIdon’tgetyouknow.” Blue eyes bore into me, a single eyebrow arched in question. Shit. Maybe he doesn’t understand. Of course I decide at that moment to become a professional mime. I bring both of my hands below my breasts and made a large arch away from my stomach that ended just above my pant hem. His expression didn’t change. I brought my arms like up like I was cradling something. Still nothing. “HOW CAN I MAKE SURE I DON’T HAVE AN OOPSIE BABY!? I mean, not that I wouldn’t want a baby with you. It’s just we’re kind of at war sort of. And like we just started this thing and I love you and I know you love me too, but I don’t know I just want to plan something like that.”

Ok, well babbling apparently did the job as Solas now had manage to get both eyebrows so high up his head I thought they would fly away. Time seemed to stop, and unfortunately the nausea building within me didn’t. I watched as a myriad of emotions crossed my lover’s face before he settled on amusement. It made me want to vomit all over that stupid smirk.

“ _Vhenan, that is not something you need to fret over. Unfortunately I should have made things clear to you at the start. The fact of the matter is that we couldn’t have a child together, planned or otherwise. I am Elvhen, you are not. When it comes to cross species breeding the Elvhen are sterile.”_

The nausea disappeared and instead of being relieved I took in the entirety of his words. Sterile. Couldn’t have a child. Even if we wanted to. I was shocked at how sad those words made me. I mean not now, but maybe in a few years. After the whole Veil thing got sorted out. If we were both still alive. I shook my head and began to laugh. Pft, come on no way could we have a kid in this fucked up world! If anything this is a blessing! Solas’s eyebrows furrowed and he grabbed my shoulders.

_“Vhenan. If I could give you a child I would. Do not ever think that the fact I am Elvhen and you are not is a blessing. It is the worst possible fact of our relationship! The thought that I will watch you age and wither while I am left alone in this world breaks my heart.”_

His beautiful freckled face was twisted into one of grief. Dying alone was his greatest fear. My slip of thoughts made me feel like trash. How could I not see that this was literally the hardest thing in the world? He fell in love with a mortal, he would eventually have to end this relationship. Even if he didn’t he would have to watch my die in one way or another. Even worse is the fact that I may fall into madness because of my magic before he could even make a choice. I felt tears slip down my cheeks as I brought both of my hands to cup his face. _“I’m so sorry.”_ Here I was sitting here worrying about a problem that doesn’t exist and I had unwittingly brought up the biggest fear he ever had.

It was all starting to click into place. Everything I had ever known about Solas even before I came into this world began to add up to this one fear. The fact that he was so hesitant in relationships, the fact that he mostly stayed to himself. The heartbreak his character caused every Lavellan was not just because he was going to do this horrible monstrous thing. It was because he himself was broken, and scared of eventually losing someone he loved. Yet I put all of my own troubles to the forefront, focused on my own insecurities. Blamed and judged him for something that in this very real Thedas never happened. I took something great, and was bogged down by my past. By Tyler.

If only I had realized all of this sooner, or if I had jumped into it when I first felt something. We could have spent so much more time in love with each other. We were leaving for the Arbor Wilds tomorrow, and after that would be the final fight. Then he would be gone, I had no doubt that he would ask me to go with him. However, I’m not sure I could leave as easily as he will. The Inquisition had become my family, and while I didn’t want to go back to my own world this had become my home. I wouldn’t leave it so easily.

I hadn’t even noticed that my tears were being brushed away by Solas’s warm fingers. Yet when he finally brought his lips to my own I was brought out of my thoughts. As he pulled away a small wavering smile crept on his face, as his thumb brushed my cheek. _“It’s alright. I have long come to terms with our situation.”_

A shook my head, clearing the tormenting thoughts and smiled as brightly as I could. I wouldn’t let this revelation bog us down. Everything will work out, there’s no way my luck could run out now. We spent the rest of the evening wrapped around one another on his couch. My body tucked into his own, not even a fear of crushing him with my weight. We spoke in Elvhen about what would happen tomorrow, and how to handle the Temple. I realized that after all this time spent in Thedas that the specifics of Cassiel’s decisions eluded me. I couldn’t remember the choices he would make, everything of the future was hazy and undefined. It probably would have frightened me, yet the comfort of being in Solas’s arms soothed everything away.

 

* * *

 

 

The Arbor Wilds were beautiful, even as the rest of the party spoke to the Captain I couldn’t help but be awed. Bright green fauna and a delicious humidity reminded me of home. Of the trails through wildlands that Briana and I had often trekked. Briana always complained about the sweat, and surprisingly it never bothered me. Even through my armor I could feel a trail of cool sweat make its way down my body, a breeze making me even cooler. It was like sensory overload and I could feel the magic cling to the air and spark at the mention of the ancient ruins we were headed towards. Cassiel led the way, speaking with Morrigan and Cassandra about the fastest way through the blockades.

Despite their strength I was lucky enough not to use my magic against any of the Red Templars we encountered. However, as a whirl of gold caught my eye I knew we had finally come face to face with the Sentinels. The speed was astounding, and when one finally rounded on me I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. Somehow they had broken through Solas’s barrier! Luckily it wasn’t a cut, and I still didn’t have a drop of blood on me. Yet the very possibility of not being able to control myself had me flicking my rings around and puncturing my hands.

Time slowed as I let only one single drop fall to the water beneath. We were so close to the Temple, we couldn’t be stopped here. I felt the grips materialize in each hand, the blood red blades curving around my closed fists. My eyes darted to each stationary companion and finally landed on a golden figure. It was still able to move, even if they looked like they were trudging through molasses. But I was quick, my heart and blood pumping faster than their magic. Within a blink of an eye I was standing before the Sentinel, their glassy eyes widening in shock as I smirked under their hood. _“I’m sorry, friend_.” Without a second thought I slashed my blades in an arch across their chest. Blood sputtering out in a fountain. I waited for the warmth to sprinkle across me, but it never came. A part of me was angry, screaming for the blood of the enemy.

It didn’t matter, I was in control and Solas wouldn’t let me down. I allowed time to speed up, resuming its natural flow. My eyes scrambled, each weakness called out to me. Some were helpful and yet others terrified me. Cassiel had a cut on his hip that made his movements slightly clipped, slowing him enough that with only one sweep of my blade he would be immobile. The behemoth in the center of the waters had an arrow wedged into the left collarbone. If I kept to that angle it would be unable to make a decent strike against me. I focused on the behemoth, trying to rid my memories off of my own companions’ faults. Within a matter of minutes the final blockade was cleared and the group was downing healing potions before restocking with the hidden supply cache.

Grabbing Solas’s hand I followed Cassiel past two wolf statues and down a long archway. He leaned against his staff in a manner that would seem like he was winded. However the constant pulse of his barrier around me showed the truth. The group talked until we were met with a sight that once again took my break away. The Temple of Mythal, we silently watched Corypheus become ash at the bridge before making our way to follow Calpernia. “He just died? Just like that? Well, I guess the big bad wasn’t so big or bad!” Cassiel kicked the ashes, oh Cass if only you knew. I spared a glance at the convulsing Warden that was left behind. Black liquid began to spout out, and through the wreckage we could make out the frightening figure. Damn blighted magister, rising himself from the dead. I pushed Cassiel towards the Temple. “Run! Get to the Temple quick!” Flapping wings sounded through the air, as we caught sight of the pet dragon. It spurned us to move our legs faster, I could hear Morrigan become winded and grabbed her wrist. We don’t have time for this!

As soon as we passed the doors I joined the others in the task of throwing my weight against them. They slammed shut before glowing and a final large thump signaled it was sealed. I sank to the floor listening to the bickering about what it was Corypheus was after. Cass got a kick out of Morrigan admitting she was wrong, but Solas and I both knew she was still playing us. Everything was a blur until we watched the final Venatori fall by Cassiel’s arrow. “Cassiel, before anyone has a chance to argue about what it is that needs to be done I have to say something.” I caught a hold of my albino Dalish friend before pulling him to the side. “Look, Cassandra will want you to jump in that hole and follow Calpernia. I get it, there are people fighting. Morrigan want’s the well. She’s about to tell you all about what she read before and try to get you to walk the petitioner’s path. I say you have your little talk with them and I’ll start doing the rituals. Please I’m really good with puzzles and it will save so much time.”

As I spoke to Cassiel I realized he had this hardened look in his eyes. He was looking at me the same way he looked at Solas, with contempt. “How about this Cara. Why don’t you fucking explain this whole blood magic bullshit you got going on! For Falon’din’s sake, you were like a fucking monster when we fought! When were you going to share that little tidbit about your training? I thought we were friends.” Without thinking I grabbed the Inquisitor’s shoulders, holding him tight even as he flinched. I had no excuse, I knew he would be upset. I could spend hours trying to convince him it wasn’t what he thought. But we didn’t have that luxury, things needed to get done, and I needed his faith.

“Look, I get your mad. But I’m still the girl you found on the floor of an abandoned battlement. I’m still your little screw up that will follow you until the end. Please, trust me like you did earlier today.” I couldn’t stop the tears welling in my eyes, blurring my vision. Cassiel slumped under my hands and let out a petulant sigh. “Fine. But you owe me at least like 20 bottles of wine.” The pale elf pulled me into a hug, and I swore I heard a growl from behind us. After a couple of seconds I pulled away and pushed him towards the rest of the party. I ran the trials like they were a simple game of hopscotch. Even the trial that I suspected belonged to Fen’Harel himself was quickly completed.

Cassiel and Morrigan were in the corner having a heated argument as I looped my arms around Solas. _“Did you finish the path that quickly vhenan?”_ Solas kissed the top of my head before pulling me closer. _“Mmhmm. Although I would have to say there was one with a large smelly wolf statue that was stupidly complicated.”_ I nestled into his chest, breathing in the scent of wormwood. A month or two ago I would have been flustered at the smell. Now it sent a calmness through my body, clearing my head. A deep chuckle reverberated in my ears. _“Yes, it was probably devised by a grumpy old elf.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.  
> So much angst/sadness/feels. I didn't mean for the chapter to start off that way. I swear. I just realized I never had the whole "SAFE SEX GUYS" talk, and I came up with this theory to cover my ass. :x  
> Really though, I feel like it's never mentioned enough in the fandom that SOLAS IS IMMORTAL. An immortal whose greatest fear is dying alone. Of course he wanted to be close to Lavellan, but I don't think the whole "I'm a monster who is going to bring down the veil and destroy the world" was the only reason he left her/them/etc. Even if he gave up his plan and decided to live a quite life with his vhenan he would eventually watch her die. I can't even imagine going through that.  
> Also, Arbor Wilds! Ugh, I legitimately hate writing things that are super cannon. I mean we all know what happens there. Why reiterate it? 10/10 any non-inquisitor modern person in Thedas would just do the trials asap and be like "k guys lets go". Cass was genuinely upset with Cara. But he loves her (as a bro) and saw that she was sorry but didn't want to dwell on it at that moment. It will probably get brought up again. He doesn't like that her and Solas are together, and now she's using blood magic. He's kind of having a crisis of trust when it comes to her. :/
> 
> I love all your faces! <3 If anyone still reads this thank you for sticking through my little writers block. I'm coming back with a vengeance I swear! Also. The end is nearing. I could either end it as I had planned OR do a part 2 that might add on quite a few chapters. Please let me know in the comments if you would want trespasser storyline or not! <345


	30. Bottom's Up

Cassiel finally turned away from Morrigan with an exasperated huff, throwing his pale hands in the air. “For Dirthamen’s sake! Cara please tell me you finished that path crap so we can get going!” I slowly let go of Solas, I didn’t want Cassiel to think I was focused more on the apostate then him. Even if I was. “Of course, the door should be opened. After you darling.” I motioned to the large doors that were now slightly ajar. Cassiel nodded and stomped into the large room. As soon as gold tiles met our feet Morrigan began to ramble speculations on its possible use. I lingered further behind everyone. Any moment now the doors would slam shut, yep just like that. My green eyes trained on the line of archers as Cassiel tensed “We’re being watched.”

I knew Abelas would show himself, and another unnecessarily long conversation would unfold. However I couldn’t remember if Briana had fought the Sentinels or befriended them. As a precaution I unsheathed two daggers, coiling my fingers tightly around their leather grips. Six archers were trained at me, but I knew that I could easily duck past the first hoard of arrows. I wasn’t the inept girl like when I first came to Thedas, even a bunch of old Elvhen couldn’t nick me. A familiar barrier washed over my skin, Solas wouldn’t take the chance of this going well. Abelas began to speak across the chamber, I didn’t move my attention away from the archers, even when Cassiel bristled at being called a shadow of the Elvhen. Oh shit, just keep cool Cass. My mind pleaded with my hot headed friend, he just needed to stay quiet. Abelas was about to offer help, all you got to do is take it and we will be at the well in no time! “I accept your offer.” I felt a smile creep over my face as I twirled my daggers into their hiding place. Meeting the eyes of the center Sentinel I winked before turning around and focusing back on my companions. Just in time to see Morrigan turn into a bird and fly after Abelas. “Pft, silly witch wells are for elves!” I giggled as the two men eyed me like I had grown a second head. “Cara, you say the weirdest shit. C’mon I bet that hag over there is our guide.”

My fingers itched as we sauntered past the conflicts raging just on the other side of a wall. I could feel the pull of magic needing me to enter the battle, I had to catch myself from several times just as my rings were about to puncture flesh. “ _Come vhenan, do not let your magic get the better of you.”_ Solas wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his heat. I melted into him welcoming a different desire for flesh. I lingered behind as Cassandra and Cassiel followed the guide diligently, waiting until they were out of ear shot before facing Solas. “Don’t use that language here. You and I both know these Sentinel’s understand Elvhen. Whatever you say in confidence will be known by every single one of them. Plus, I don’t want them to know everything in case Cassiel decides to make a few more Elvhen enemies other than you.” Solas quirked an eyebrow, shaking his head before placing a searing kiss on my forehead.

_“Vhenan, oh sweet vhenan. I would think you would be more worried of what they might think of the great Fen’Harel being wrapped around the finger of a mortal.”_

_“Oh! I just assumed they didn’t know…” “What that they wouldn’t recognize me? Abelas was always too cautious not to remember a face. I suspect that it may have been why he was so desperate to destroy the well. Abelas might believe I want it to find Mythal, although that is the furthest thing from my mind. I already-”_

“Maker’s breath! Come along you two. We are about to enter battle.” Cassandra called down the hall both hands on her hips like a scolding mother. My hold on his waist tightened briefly before rising onto my toes and pecking his cheek. “Coming!” I skipped away from Solas and threw my arms around two tensed shoulders. “What’s the word Cass? Or should I ask Cass instead? Hmm? Cass or Cass?” I felt Cassandra stiffen even further as Cassiel began to laugh whole heartedly. “How long have you been waiting to make a mockery of both the Inquisitor and myself?” I beamed at Cassandra’s flushed cheeks, before sticking out my tongue. As the Seeker began to pull away I moved with the true speed of a rogue and licked her cheek. “CARAMIRIEL!” I laughed, we needed to have a moment of happiness before shit hit the fan. I knew we were about to have a rather tough decision on our hands, tension needed to be as low as possible. Plus, I had a bet with Cassiel and Varric that I could lick Cassandra. The easiest 50 crowns I’ve ever made.

The final fight was brief, Calpernia was easy work for my blades but I held back at the last moment. Watching in pride as Cassiel’s arrow pierced her heart, the woman slumping to the ground blood pooling at my feet. I could feel the pull of its song but quickly turned away running towards the well with the others. My breath was harsh, inhaling deeply but not finding the ability to truly calm myself. I couldn’t focus on the argument unfurling between Abelas and Cassiel, my entire mind was left at that puddle. It could give me what I need. I could become even more powerful than ever before, all I needed was to let it soak into my flesh. “-Your people yet linger.” Warmth filled me for brief moment, sanity slowly drifting back into my mind. I felt Abelas look from Solas to me before finally glaring at the once god words of challenge drifting through the air. “Yes such as I.” I grasped tightly onto Solas’s hand, steadying myself more. Abelas merely nodded, before finally turning away.

“Bottoms up!” I watched in horror as Cassiel pushed past Morrigan nearly cannonballing into the well of sorrows. “Cassiel! STOP! Come on let’s talk about this first.” I inched to the lip of the water hand reaching out to my friend. “Ugh, Cara. Look I don’t care what any of you have to say. I’m Dalish I deserve this! Talking is useless.” Without a second thought the Inquisitor dunked his entire body into the Well of Sorrows, gulping in copious amounts of water. _“He didn’t even let us speak that fool!”_ Solas spat in disgust, I knew his disapproval was heavy but I could only laugh at the prospect of that fool one day being under his control. Pft. Men.

A gurgle rang through the hall as a shockwave of water sent me flying into Solas. Fuck, that hurt. I pulled myself up as Cassiel’s convulsing form lay in on dry ground. “Cassiel!” “Inquisitor” We all rushed over, the Inquisitor drunkenly rising to his feet. His red eyes were glazed over, each step lifting wisps of light to wrap around his feet. A part of me wanted to rush to Cass’s side and become a pillar for him to lean on, but I couldn’t help glancing to the entrance. Like clockwork Corypheus burst through the doors, realizing that his men were dead and Calpernia had failed. “Quick to the mirror!” I grabbed Cassiel and bolted towards the active Eluvian, I needed to get him safe. The Crossroads were a blur, my eyes darting trying in vain to catch a glimpse of my Eluvian. I could leave this place. However the weight I dragged weighed down my heart as well. I couldn’t leave, not when we were so close to finally beating the monster that has tormented Thedas. Cassiel needed me, and if I’m being honest I need someone here too. Solas caught my eye, panic hidden deep within his grey eyes. _“Do you run now, vhenan?”_ I knew deep down that the possibility of my leaving at this moment was a curse Solas did not expect. “No. How could I?” A reassuring smile crept across my lips as I passed Cassiel through Morrigan’s Eluvian. Now the two of us were the only ones left in the once thriving paths of Elvhenan. He grabbed my shoulders, slamming my entire body into him before kissing me senseless. “ _Good, because I wouldn’t allow it.”_

 

Stepping through the Eluvian the bite of the Frostbacks reminded me of Cassiel. “Cassandra quick! You and Morrigan take Cass to the infirmary, he’ll need rest. I’ll go ahead to the rookery and send word that we have returned home. I’m sure Corypheus will abandon the Arbor Wilds once he realizes that the Well of Sorrows is no longer a boon he can obtain. You can find me with Josephine after that. Gods I can only imagine the amount of paperwork I’m about to have on my hands.” The women both looked as if they had their own thoughts but I was already taking off across the inner gardens. Flying up steps, skipping every other one I finally made stood in front of Lelianna’s desk. “Archivist? Can we assist you?” A spy popped out from behind a stack of crates just as signed my code name. “Send this to the Arbor Wilds on the fastest raven. Now!”

I felt all of the pent up energy escape my tired bones as the raven flapped through the skies. Finally, now I could take a breath. Ugh, I’m not even the Inquisitor and yet I keep feeling like I have to take the lead. My back began to ache and I walked slowly down to the library. Need to get to Josie, then I can rest. Every time I blinked I could feel the pressure behind my eyes lessen, reveling in the pleasure. Maybe I could just close them for one moment longer. Yes, much better only know I’ve realized how much my head is spinning. Maybe I should sit down, no I can do that once I speak with Josie. I must speak with-… “Cara?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhh. I honestly hated this chapter. More than any other one I've ever written. The Temple of Mythal is my absolute favorite part of the whole game [not including Trespasser of course]. However it didn't make sense to linger here. Cara already knew all of this, and honestly she still doesn't have a firm grip on this whole 'addict' thing.   
> Still, Cass HAD to drink from the Well and we HAD to get the story moving. So this is what happens. 
> 
> Please forgive my poopy chapter, and me along with it. Part One [sorta] is almost done. Part Two isn't going to be as long....maybe. Think of Part two as more of a really really really long Epilogue. :]
> 
> I love your faces! <3


	31. Why Sick People Should Stay in Bed

I groaned wrapping the silks further around my body, as I turned to lay on my side. Gods my head hurt so bad, I felt like I just had a headbutt contest with the Iron Bull. “Cara? Are you awake dear?” Josie’s sweet voice called out to me. Wait, why was Josie in my room? Wait…I remember making my way back from sending a missive to the Arbor Wilds, and I felt so fatigued, and I… “Cara you’ve been out all day, here drink this.” I jolted upright and immediately regretted my kneejerk reaction. My head was spinning, and my stomach was turning even faster. Opening my eyes I winced at the glitter of Josephine’s apparel, but begrudgingly grabbed the vial she held out to me.

“Thanks.” I popped the top, letting the cool liquid stream down my throat. Ew, Elfroot still tastes like soap. Looking about I realized that I wasn’t in my room, but rather the infirmary laying not far from the moaning Inquisitor. “How is he?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. The healers have been looking after him, but they say that he is fine physically. Morrigan believes it has something to do not being properly equipped to handle the well. I’m sure he’ll wake up in time for the rest of the forces to return. In the meantime…”

Suddenly a stack of papers and clipboard were jostled into my lap.

“I know you need to rest, but it is probably best that you finish your work while the memories are still fresh. I will have everyone leave you be, you need to focus on nothing but this you understand?” Josie bit her lip and exhaled. “It’s not your duty to take care of the Inquisition. Dorian was in hysterics when you collapsed. Thankfully Solas didn’t find out until after you were already deemed healthy. Maker bless us for that. We worry about you, I worry about you. I don’t think you should go out in the field anymore. It is only a matter of time before things get too dangerous. Not to mention, I get awfully lonely here with all these nobles.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Here I was fretting about everything and Josephine freaking Montilyet was putting me on desk duty.

“Right away, ma’am. Although, I have to say one thing. Don’t take offense, but I’m not you Josie. I don’t think I could be happy leaving behind the thrill of the fight. I mean, it’s exhilarating. I don’t know, how about we make a deal. One last outing, and then I’ll become a little shut in just like you. At least I will until this whole Big Bad business is through.” The Ambassador looked slightly shocked, however her pleasant mask flitted into a smile without hesitation. “Deal.”

After debriefing my superior she was called away by a messenger. I began the lengthy and dry process of writing the events of Mythal’s Temple. I left nothing in the dark, even going so far as to speculate the likelihood of the Sentinels actually being Elvhen as they claimed. However I did make a point to conveniently forget that the Inquisitor is essentially a slave to the will of a Dalish Goddess once thought dead. Even if I felt that the information needed to be known, it would raise questions on how I could know something that has not yet been verified. This was honestly ridiculous. I can’t believe Cassiel would do something so stupid, I mean it is everything he stands for but still! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I can’t help but glance over to his bedside. His pale skin drenched with sweat and a look of utter terror on his features. Solas will one day be his master, and they hate each other! Once Fen’Harel is able to control his biggest potential adversary will he stop himself from taking advantage of the situation? I can’t help but laugh, I mean cmon Cara, you still have time to stop this whole bringing down the Veil thing! I wrapped the scratchy wool blanket tighter around myself, and began to as always list what I knew was coming. I’ve been weak, I love him, but now that I’ve decided to stay in Thedas I know I have to save it. Well not me personally, I’m not really powerful enough even with my magic. Still, I could assist the Inquisition maybe even talk Solas down. Maybe.

 

“I know you.” A strange whisper disturbs my sleep, my whole body aches and nausea is rolling its way into my throat. I wretch into a bucket near my bed, ugh. I’m alone in the private infirmary for the Inner Circle. Cassiel is awake?! Wiping the slobber from my mouth I bolt out of the cot and nearly fall back again as the world spins around me. What the hell is wrong with me? I didn’t even get hurt, so why do I feel like absolute nug shit? Nug shit. I can’t help the giggle that escapes me, of course I’ve taken to half assed Thedas swears. A warm feeling bubbles in my chest, ah this place is1 my home now. Oh, nope just heartburn. I hobble over to the baths groaning and clutching the wall with each step. This was always something I hated, not many showers here. Even with the luxury of magic that provides the warm water I detest baths, sitting in my own filth is not pleasant. It only seems like a few minutes before I’m clothed and clean. The cotton loose fitting patient attire usually makes me want to be back in my own clothes. Now I’m thankful for the lack of pressure around my skin, even my [Varric’s] precious duster makes me cringe when I shrug it on.

“Hey Streak, how you feeli- well shit you look greener than Cullen after he stopped taking lyrium.” Varric walked towards me and attempted to be a support. I batted him away, I was fine [sort of] I needed to talk to Cassiel. Explain the whole situation before Solas got a hold of him. Opening the door of the Inner Circle Infirmary I was met with the lush gardens, any other day I would have been happy to see the children playing. However my eyes met a pair of familiar red ones across the way. Cass. Instead of walking towards me like I expected him to he made his way to the room that housed Morrigan’s eluvian. Where was he going? I stumbled to the closed door, even though I was closer he was still there before me. “You look like crap, here.” Cassiel pushed a healing potion into my hand and I smiled. Maybe he wasn’t still mad with me about the whole magic thing?

The potion made my stomach turn more before finally I felt renewed. Lelianna stood next to the activated Eluvian. Kieran had apparently bolted into the Crossroads, Morrigan was hot on his tail but Lelianna thought it best that we follow after her. “Don’t bother getting help, I got Ms. I’m a freaky blood mage here.” Cassiel’s words stuck into me like a dagger, ouch. Ok so he IS still mad noted. Lelianna regarded me warily before leaving. “Look Cass, I am so-“Save it.” His cold hands grabbed mine before pulling me through the eluvian.

A mist of green curled along the stone ground, and the familiar ambient noises of the Fade grated my nerves. I shivered at the thought that the sounds of the Fade had become familiar, that’s just wrong. Here I stood with one of my best friends back in the Fade physically. “I thought that mirror thing led to the Crossroads. This is the Fade, what the hell is going on.” Cassiel kicked a withered plant in frustration before letting out a string of curses. “Let’s just focus on finding Kieran, we can ask Morrigan about this when we find her.” Cass narrowed his eyes before rolling them with bravado and stomping on ahead.

Morrigan stood near twirling spirits her distress was clear. “We stand in the Fade. To direct the Eluvian here would require immense power. If he is lost to me after all I have sacrificed…” “Morrigan chill. We’ll find him don’t worry.” I stood back as Cassiel comforted the Witch of the Wilds. Gods what am I doing here? What was I thinking? We’re about to meet Flemeth, Mythal, whatever. I would have thought we had more time before this happened. Maybe a few weeks, but literally right after is just insane. My mind was whirling. To think that just a week ago I was upset about not being able to say goodbye to Fen’Harel’s followers and now I’m about to meet ANOTHER Elvhen Goddess! Thedas you are a strange place. “Cara! Get a fucking move on.” We wandered for quite some time, I stayed in the rear. This place, regardless of it being the Fade it felt even more familiar. Spirits that would ignore the Inquisitor and Morrigan made a point to stop and disappear if I got too close.

“There he is!”

“Who is that with him? Is that a demon?” I rolled my eyes at Cassiel’s continued superstitions.

“That’s…No it couldn’t be.”

Flemeth kneeled at the feet of her grandson as a white blue light sparked on his hands between them. Old golden eyes regarded her daughter and companions, lingering on me. “Isn’t this a surprise?” _How dare you come before me! How are you even here?_ I winced as Flemeth’s words bit out however no one else seemed to mind. Their conversation continued, their voices became muffled even as Morrigan made an attack on her mother only to be thwarted by Cass. _I asked you a question, don’t think that just because we were once enemies that you can ignore me._

I looked around, and caught eyes with Flemeth for a brief moment confusion drew my eyebrows up as I pointed at myself. Was she talking to me, in my head? Can Solas do that? Even more what the hell was she talking about? I’m not her enemy! Unless, maybe she knows I plan to stop Fen’Harel. Still,  that didn’t make sense, she said once not presently. I watched through lidded eyes as my mind focused anywhere but what was currently happening between the four of them.

Kieran housed the soul and power of the defeated Urthemial, the Old God slain by the Warden in Fereldan. Mythal wanted that power, needed it and she was going to claim it. Of course Morrigan would show her mother that she couldn’t let her son go, as a result Kieran would stay but the power would be left with Mythal. It never sat right with me, why did Mythal need the power of an Old God. I mean she was weak but she had to have known that Fen’Harel would come take her power soon. Stupid ancient gods and their stupid convoluted way of doing things. I mean was attempting to steal the boy really necessary? Ugh. I focused back just in time to see the power of the Old God be absorbed into Flemeth.

The boy ran to his mother as the woman who housed Mythal explained that Cass must use a dragon to fight on his behalf. “A dragon? Dread Wolf take me! Iron Bull is never going to let me live this down.” I let out an awkward chuckle as we turned to retreat back into Skyhold. My steps became heavy and I found myself slowing to a stop even as the other three went ahead. Why am I stopping?

“ _To think that I had forgotten all about you. I assumed you were locked away with the others, even if you hadn’t been seen for long before the betrayal. Tell me what your aim is?”_ Flemeth’s voice came from the shadows to my left. The woman laze against a wall, arms folded and her eyes sending chills down my spine. What the hell was she going on about? Maybe the memories of the two powerful women twisted her mind? No, that isn’t right. I know she is smarter than to let something so simple as madness distract her.

_“W…what? I think you have me confused with someone else.”_ A stutter? Really?! I gulped as unwarranted fear gripped me. Flemeth made her way towards me and I found that I wanted to strike her. The incessant itch to feel her blood sink into me rose and made my nausea return with a vengeance. What the hell am I thinking, there is no way I could possibly stand a chance against a god, even if they were weak. Gold eyes held my own as her magic pushed into my mind.

_“Oh. Oh I see”_ Her face went from anger, to confusion, and settled on amusement. A smile played across her dark lips as she casually came into my space. _“I suppose I could help you, since my friend is too blinded to see what you need. I will give you your past and even some of my own. It is the only way for you to truly understand what has happened. My only price is that you do not take the little power I have left, even if it would be easy. Also if you see her again, inform her that I know she has finally chosen a side.”_ I opened my mouth to ask what she was going on about when I realized the small spirit dagger in her hand. OH MY GOD. She ran the blade down one of her fingers blood trickling out of the wound. My own blood pounded and I could feel it screaming, burning, wanting. I had to get away. Cassiel was still nearby, I couldn’t lose my mind with them so close. I could hurt them, stupid feet move! I was trapped, my mind desperately trying to fight against both my body and Mythal’s magic, and losing.

I closed my eyes tightly as her bloody finger reached towards my face. No, no, no! I should have just stayed in bed! Why couldn't I wait until I felt better! I felt a pressure on my forehead and felt my magic leap out lapping up the viscous liquid.  My eyes shot open and I couldn’t stop the scream the burst through me. Yes. More, this is what we needed, she’s giving me what I need. I will be whole again, just a little bit longer, a little bit more. YES! Then the world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger! :]  
> Bumbumbum.   
> 1] What's wrong with Cara I mean cmon she's acting kind of like a sickly invalid. Maybe her powers are making her sick?  
> 2] Oh sweet Josie. The ex-Bard that has forsaken being violent, you can't make Cara be just like you.   
> 3] Cass is still an asshole, albeit slightly less so.  
> 4] FLEMYTHAL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! KIDNAPPING, TAKING POWERS, CONFRONTING POOR CARA. I thought you were one of the good guys!
> 
> I hope you guys still love the story. I know my pacing is sucking really hard right now. But things are kind of losing control. It's so close to the final fight with Big Bad Blighted Magister. But then what? Cara had 100% decided to try and stop Solas. She thinks of Thedas as her home now, and thinks that she could do what Lavellan's everywhere couldn't. Eh. Good Luck to her with that.
> 
> Love your faces!


	32. Pains of The Past Pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throws paper in the air and storms off.

My head was pounding, beating along with my heart in a constant deafening rhythm. I slowly opened my eyes as the world burst into color. I felt strong, similar to when I fought in the Wolf Den but somehow it was greater, more intense. My feet were moving and I could hear my own thoughts echoing, but none of it made sense.

 _‘I can’t believe they requested my presence.’_ I heard my voice, it sounded strange more melodic then I ever thought possible. Yet I realized it was all in my head, I still hadn’t uttered a single word out loud. **What did Mythal do to me? Is she controlling me? Where am I?** The landscape was familiar, green grass sculpted around ivory pathways. Towering cherry blossom trees were lit by orbs of magical light that gave the night a relaxing glow. I glanced ahead and my emotions warred with one another as I laid my eyes upon a familiar Eluvian. Dread, anticipation, confusion.

My hand lifted and a pathway was created to the floating island. **How the hell did I do that?** Mythal must have given me some of her magic in order to complete whatever task she needed me for.

Suddenly I was gliding through the Eluvian and shock hit me, this was not my home. Those unfamiliar thoughts crept back into me _. ‘Please Creator don’t let me be demoted. Anything but that! I’m stronger than all the others, who cares if I’m the youngest!?’_

The walkway was dark and it seemed as if it floated on air, yet somehow that didn’t surprise me. Finally I could make out the final destination, a circular room without walls floating in that same dark abyss. Veilfire lit the large statues that stood on the outskirts of the edge: raven, wolf, bear, and hippogriff. Immense pride overwhelmed me as I took in the idols. ‘They wouldn’t, I’m Geldauran’s choice! I can do this, he would be disappointed in me if he knew I was treating them like Gods!’

“There you are Caramiriel, we’ve been waiting for you.” I flinched as a deep smooth voice called from the raven statue. A tall, lithe elvhen man stepped out of the shadows. I smiled at his familiar face as self-pride welled into me. Geldauran was my General, the only one above me, he respected me despite my age. His dark blue hair camouflaged perfectly into the raven feather cloak, yet his magic hid the lower half of his body in shadows. I always wished I was as powerful as my mentor, perhaps I will be when I reach my third millennium _. ‘pft, yeah right.’_

“I apologize for the delay, sir. I was awaiting my final scout to return from the capital. He was in quite a state when he gave his report. I fear there is unrest among our enemies.” I noticed his gaze flicker from me to the two other men in the room. _‘Ohhhkkaayyy, guess I better introduce myself to them.’_

“Greetings, I am Captain Caramiriel Banrea of Geldauran’s 3rd Division. It is a pleasure to be here.” **Captain?** My eyes skipped over the empty wolf statue, _‘I heard that the wolf General is a loner, barely even a hundred men under his command’_ , then on to Anaris and Daern’thal. I had never met either of the Generals in person but their reputations proceeded them. Daern’thal sat on a towering seat that was covered in the hippogriffs his underlings rode. He seemed almost as regal as Geldauran, and I felt respect festering as I recalled the deeds his men had done for our cause.

“Come on, you two cannot be serious with her! She’s what 300 years old? She barely looks old enough to enlist let alone be a leader!” I cringed as dread filled my veins, I could feel the air around me grow cold responding to my emotions. ‘ _Deep breath, don’t lose control in front of my superiors. I can do this.’_

“I apologize General Anaris if my age is inconvenient. I assure you that even if I am only 150-“My tone bit harshly at the number “-I am more than capable. As Geldauran can attest, as well as my subordinates.” I finally took in fully the man I was defending against and I felt my breath catch. He had to have been the largest Elvhen I had ever laid eyes upon. His dark skin pulled taunt over his large muscles and short cropped hair matched the blackness of his gaze. Anaris was a bear in every sense of the word, large and fearsome. My head began to pound again only this time it was accompanied by a heat I had never felt before. **Tyler…**

“Captain, there was a reason we called you here. Let’s get back to matters at hand. The wolf has left us, he has joined the Evanuris in order to begin a 100 year truce. This war is getting out of hand, we need to try a route that will not lead to more bloodshed of our people.” Daern’thal’s light voice pulled my attention and I couldn’t help but become angry yet again. ‘ _The wolf. Evanuris. Truce. This is absurd! There is no way any of our people would be alright with this. Those bigoted bastards didn’t deserve a truce, they deserve to see the error of their racist mentality. They looked down on the Children of Stone since the beginning of time, and then the quicklings came and…’_ The stories of the games that the leaders of Elvhenan used to mistreat the new race gave me nightmares as a child and to this day. ‘ _It is only a matter of time before the Evanuris start to treat other Elvhen the same way.’_ **Slaves.**

My distaste must have shown because a firm hand was pressed upon my shoulder. “Be calm. We only mean to see if diplomacy can fix what war could not. They will see that there should be equality among the races, even the helpless humans are not below us.” “Ew, Gel don’t touch her. She’s a baby for Creator’s sake!” Three sighs filled the air as Anaris chuckled darkly.

“So why tell me this alone? Are you informing all of the Captains alone in order to prevent an uprising?” I took in the three Generals before settling on my mentor. “Actually, we need you to help us.” Help?

“You need to fill the role that was left empty by the Wolf’s departure. You will be the new Wolf General.” WHAT? My whole mind shut down, this had to be a joke. A cruel prank by the Generals to haze the youngest Captain in history. I can’t be a General! There’s no way.

“The creator has commanded this.” Panic was rising more and more. This is the worst joke in all existence. I was hardly aware of my head shaking wildly as I backed out of the center of the room. No. No, no, no!

Suddenly a flash of light blinded me and I stumbled onto the ground. It took a few seconds to regain my composure to realize that this was probably a threat! Muttering a small phrase I felt my palms begin to bleed as my weapons materialized around my fists. Then a light refreshing giggled pierced through the air and my magic faded on its own.

“Come on Cara! It’s not nice to threaten me!” A small blue haired woman floated where I once stood. She sat cross legged and shaking as her giggling continued. **Briana?** _CREATOR?_

“Ohhh, look both of you are here! Makes this easier. I know you can do this! You’re the key for getting all of my children to play nicely.” More giggling erupted from the omnipotent being. “You’re the new wolf, be happy! You’re going to be stronger than all of them, of course not til you wake up. That’s not here nor there. Well you’re both here and there. Oh boy, it’s hard to keep quiet around you. Just do what you think is right, and then BAM! Everything will be fine in the end! Now go on, you have other places to see.” It wasn’t until then that I realized the whole world had frozen and I was the only one aware that THE CREATOR was in this room talking to me. _What did I just get myself into, and why does the Creator seem like a raving lunatic? Both of you, what does that even mean?_

Suddenly the world began to fade black as I rose from my own body, everything rushed by and the splitting of my mind resumed. Memories flashed by as I screamed in pain.

 

* * *

 

 “You want me? But, I don’t understand.” “Cara, from the moment I saw you I knew I had to have you. You’re one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever laid eyes upon.” Green eyes teared up as an overwhelming sense of acceptance flooded my body. _He wants me._ “You’re the first person to ever say that.” “Of course I am. Now kiss me.” **Don’t trust him!**

* * *

 

 The massive sea creature let out a howl of pain before slumping onto the coast. I watched as my body took in ragged breaths, the blue green blood melting into my skin and healing my wounds. Spectators of all walks of life, human, elvhen, dwarf, all gathered around me. Finally a cheer erupted “She saved us! The General rescued us!” “All hail Caramiriel!” “The little blood one! Da’linsa!” Pride overwhelmed me, this is what I was meant to do.  **I can do this!**

* * *

 

 “That’s right little wolf. They may call you Da’linsa, they may sing your praises. But remember they don’t really want you. We made you what you are. I MADE you what you are. I’m the only one who could want you like this, for more than just your power. You owe me.” I watched from above as Anaris shoved my shaking body into a wall. His lips smashed into mine as my own voice rang through our home. I hated hearing my own voice give into him, it made me sick. **Stop! I’m better than that! Get away from me!**

* * *

 

**I DON’T WANT TO SEE ANYMORE!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tralalalalaa.  
> Everyone, Meet Cara.  
> -evil grin-
> 
> Love your faces! <3


	33. Pains of The Past Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm....  
> *Waves meekly, hands a plate of pumpkin pie to you*  
> I'M SO SORRY.

**When is this going to end?**

I watched as more memories whirled by, never ending as I relived every moment of my lengthy past. Emotions kept flooding me giving my heart and stomach whiplash. Pain, disgust, pride, and so many more as I realized just who Da’linsa was, who I was.

Finally the breakneck speed came to a familiar halt. **Oh Creator don’t show me more of him.**

The sound of stringed instruments flitted through the air, then voices and laughter. Opening my eyes I felt my whole body tighten, I don’t want to be here. These smiling faces were all hiding the monsters that they truly were. My eyes glanced to a mirror, my breath catching as I took in the sight of my attire. A merlot lace top with long sleeves and a pseudo sheer appearance cut off below my breasts. As if the provocative nature wasn’t enough my midsection was bare before becoming covered by a satin skirt that while the hem grazed the floor a long slit traveled dangerously close to my hip revealing the expanse of my legs. **WHAT AM I WEARING?!** Pride swelled within me as I drank in my appearance, _let’s see Anaris say I’m not attractive in this._

I floated through the ball, stopping occasionally to force myself into greeting the scum in attendance. _We may be at peace, we may be celebrating that peace, but I’ve heard about the slaves._ The gathering was meant to celebrate the 100 years of peace between us and the Evanuris. We were greeted into Arlathan like royalty, and while Anaris and the others were overjoyed I was not. I saw the vallaslin on the faces of the ‘servants’ I head the whispers of the ‘gods’. The Evanuris were becoming mad, drunk with power. I suspected Anaris had been sharing the secrets of our hidden realm, The Void, but I couldn’t prove it. Even if I could, I loved him, I would never bring the transgression to the others. _It’s not my place, I’m still too weak and young._

“Ah, you’re The Da’linsa right?” my head swiveled towards the honeyed voice bristling once I met glazed brown eyes. “Yes, but you may call me Caramiriel. I am not worthy of a title like you, Huntress.” Geldauran’s warning rang through my head, ‘do not make them feel as if you are their equal for they will surely strike you down’. _Pft._ A giggle that I’m sure may have been endearing to others escaped from Andruil’s throat. “Oh aren’t you a lovely little pup! If only our own wolf would behave as well as you!” Her voice rose clearly intending for the whole crowd to hear her remark. I choked out a smile, bowing slightly before expressing my gratitude. Andruil’s own smile became predatory, I could tell that she thought she had won this court machination. _Now to make a break for it._

As I slowly turned around I felt all of the air rush out of the room, and my heart began to beat twice as fast. Strolling towards Andruil and I was the most handsome man I had ever seen. Auburn hair pulled back yet it still fell down his toned tanned back. Partygoers parted and gaped, both men and women swooned as his piercing gray eyes fell upon them. _Fen’Harel._ **Solas!**

My feet felt rooted to the floor and my stomach began to flip as he smiled in our direction. “Oh Andruil, get over yourself already. I’m sure this poor beautiful girl wants nothing to do with you.” Poor? Beautiful? I didn’t know if I should be offended by his flippant words, Andruil surely was. I watched as the Huntress’s smile turned from predatory to forced pleasantries. Her green eyes filling with even more disgust than she had for me. “You dog! You know better than to speak to me like that! I demand an apology, maybe if you put your replacement in her place I’ll forget I even saw either of you.” Andruil sputtered out her body shaking with unnecessary rage. However the newcomer, Fen’Harel only seemed to find her anger entertaining. My eyes darted between the two Evanuris. I slowly inched back hoping they were both distracted enough with each other to notice my departure. Just as twisted to walk in the opposite direction a warm hand quickly grabbed my own and pulled me into a warm hard body. The smell of wormwood overwhelmed me and my already rabbiting heart jumped. I couldn’t help but melt into Fen’Harel’s heat. _It feels so right._

I looked up into the eyes of my capture, his pupils were blown wide and yet the wrinkles near them showed he was amused. “My, they didn’t tell me the new wolf was so splendid. If they had I might have left these Arlathan women to come back. I’m certain you would look even lovelier in my bed sheets.” My stomach dropped as disgust filled me. I couldn’t even put up a mask of smiles like before, instead I sneered and tore away from the two Evanuris _._

_I was right, they’re all monsters. Even him_.

The guests didn’t part for me like they did their ‘god’, each and every one of them forcing me to squeeze through the crowd without allowance. It felt even more crowded than before, the walls were closer, the air thinner, I picked up the pace and flew out into the empty vestibules. In...2...3...Out...2...3… My heart finally calmed, my lungs forcing the serene feeling throughout my tensed body. _Good, now I can just leav-_ “Da’linsa! What in Creator’s name were you thinking in there?” A chill ran through me as I turned to face Anaris’s furious expression. **Get away from him!** “You’ve disgraced all of us. Do you have any idea what I will have to do to get us back in Andruil’s good graces?!” He glanced around the room before shoving me into a wall, my head hitting the marblework.

It took a few moments for my eyes to reopen, I was flattened between Anaris and the wall. My dress ripped further up the slit as Anaris thrust into me one last time before stilling. _What? How did he?_ **Oh god no.** “That was even worse than usual. I’m probably doing that traitor a favor. Actually, I should go tell him that he dodged an arrow by not sleeping with you. He’ll probably reward me, after all I’m doing all of the Elvhen a favor.” Anaris tucked himself away as I slid to the floor in a daze, my mind numb. A sneer crossed his face as he regarded me one last time before walking out into the night.  I could still make out the sounds of the ball, waiting until the tempo changed before slowly pulling myself to my feet. _Maybe if I apologize to Anaris he’ll say he’s sorry too._

The gardens of Arlathan were filled with towering trees and wildflowers, a manufactured wildness that made me feel even sicker to my stomach. Anaris was nowhere to be found, I slowly dug one of my nails into the heel of my hand watching as blood trickled out and began to float into the air. A single red bubble began to float towards the west, the magic leading me towards Anaris and deeper into the forests.

It was a long while before I finally made out the towering form of my lover, dark skin illuminated in the moonlight. _Maybe I should call out to him…_ **Something about this seems familiar…** As my lips parted to make my presence known two other forms appeared. One stood tall in comparison to the hunched and battered form it was dragging behind it. As the two visitors made it into the moonlight my breath was stolen. Andruil was smiling in the most twisted way I had ever seen, while a bloodied Fen’Harel was tied up with rope like a leashed animal. I quickly darted behind some bushes, my hand covering my mouth in the hopes that I would remain undetected.

I watched as Andruil kicked Fen’Harel’s body towards a tree before securing him to it like a sacrifice. Anaris said something but I couldn’t make it out, and Andruil threw a hand out in his direction palm up. A single red vial was placed in her hand which she quickly downed her green eyes flashing red. _I knew it! Anaris you fool!_ **Red Lyrium.** Anaris downed his own ration before they fell into each other’s arms, high on power and lust. I felt bile rise into my throat. _No, he can’t do this. He loves me. He would never… I don’t. I can’t. Oh creator._ Their embrace was almost impossible to look away from, until I felt a pair of eyes bearing into me. I ripped away from the sight and nearly screamed in surprise as I looked straight into Fen’Harel’s cold gaze. **Run.** My feet carried me through the woods, further away from Arlathan and the troubles I found there.

I didn’t stop until the light of morning fell on a small outpost of the Empire. The sentries rushed out of the tower surrounding me. “Halt. What is your business traveling by foot in…” The head guard abruptly cut off once he took in my full appearance. “Give me access to your Eluvian right now.” My blood was singing, I could hear it calling out to them, molding their will to my own. I didn’t even have the compassion to stop my magic, I just needed to get away. I needed to rest. The guard nodded his eyes glazing over before he pointed towards the tower. Nodding I hobbled through the door and activated the Eluvian, focusing all of my magic towards a specific destination and bypassing the crossroads.

Stepping through the world spun before warmer air hit my face, the sun higher in the sky than it was in Arlathan. The sound of construction work rang through the air before I could hear my name being called out in a light welcoming tone.

“Da’linsa! What do we owe the pleasure? I’m sorry but Tarasyl'an Te'las is nowhere near complete yet, perhaps if you return in a few more- Oh my, are you alright?!” I made eye contact with the foreman before darkness began to encroach and the ground rose to meet me. A whisper being forced out before consciousness left me. “Uthenera, now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M ALIVEEEEEEE.  
> sort of.  
> I have absolutely NO EXCUSE for why this took so long. Honestly half of it has been written for nearly 3 months now. I just couldn't find the end in it. BUT I FINALLY DID.
> 
> If anyone is still reading this, or if any of you come back to this. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOUR FACES. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.


	34. In For a Rude Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara wakes up!

Can you imagine being pulled at the speed of light by barbwire that has looped around your brain? I can. Holy mother of the Creator it hurts…really fucking bad. I hold back a groan, involuntarily as it seems my throat is hoarse like I haven’t drank anything in days. Slowly I lift my eyes only to shut them quickly. Note to self: stop waking up in the infirmary.

“Cara? Oh Cara, you’re awake thank Andraste!”

I shift my head to the left before opening my eyes again, Josephine’s hazel eyes are brighter than I remember. Yet, there’s still something wrong. The infirmary is absolutely empty, and there’s barely any noise coming from the rest of Skyhold.

“H…How long have I been?” “Only two days. Here drink these, you sound awful.” Josie thrusts an opened vial and glass of water into my hands, urging me to drain the two. Two days, from when we met Mythal. Did we already fight Corypheus? Did Cass already win…or lose?

“Everyone has gone to the breach, well not everyone of course. Some soldiers have stayed behind to protect Skyhold and the rest of us, in case things don’t… Well it’ll be fine of course! I have already begun contacting all of the right people for the celebration! Oh I can’t wait for you to see what I am having done to the Great Hall!” Suddenly her face lights up and I can’t help but smile. I’m not sure it reaches my eyes, but I hope it does. What happened? Did I just pass out and Cassiel wandered back to look for me? Or was it Morrigan?

“You know Josie, I feel like we’ve done this before.” I chuckle out as I swing my legs to the side of the bed. My legs wobble beneath me and the room spins for just a moment, but it’s still better than sifting through my own forgotten memories. I swear the next time I see Mythal I’m going to… actually I won’t need to. Wow, and now somehow I’m sad, and the room is still spinning. “Caramiriel lay back down this instant! We need to talk seriously for a moment. I didn’t want to do this now but…”  Josie is at my side in a flash her surprisingly sturdy arms (probably from holding up that damned clipboard) holding me up.

“That’s great, we’ll talk. Just let me pee will you! I feel like it’s been thousands of years, and trust me I know what that feels like!” … OH. I thought we were past this! C’MON. “Hahahahahahahaaa. GET IT? It’s a joke…Cause I’ve been out for two days.” I peek to look at her face, and a small smile is spread across it. Phew.

After doing my business I hobble back into her arms and then back into the bed. “Cara, so what happened? We can’t keep finding you laying on the ground, tell me what’s going on. The doctor and I have our suspicions, but we both decided that you might have alternative insight to the matter.” Josie has taken a seat onto the bed and that smile is still plastered on it like she’s stuck that way. Oh yeah I totally passed out because an ancient elvhen goddess returned my memories, that I didn’t even know were missing mind you. Oh and surprise I’m sort of an ancient elvhen powerhouse, so yay two ancient elves are with the Inquisition!....Yeah. No.

“I’m not sure? All of a sudden I’m waking up here. I have no idea what is going on.” Liar.

“Well then. Maybe I should ask you a question first. You and Solas are together correct?” I can barely fight the blush, yet I can feel myself nodding enthusiastically. “Have you two, been safe?”

“Not exactly but it doesn’t really matter because we can’t conceive together…oh. Wait, that’s wrong. We can. We. I’m…Oh creator.”

“Cara! Don’t look like death! This is wonderful news! Everyone can see how much he loves you, I mean you’re the only one he really spends any length of time with. This is fantastic, I can’t wait to tell everyone when they return.”

“Don’t! Please…Josie just don’t tell anyone. Let me figure out how to handle this…this…this baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Safe sex kids. Accidents/Miracles/whatever happen!  
> Also yes, LIKE ALL OF YOU CALLED THIS. I'm not very good with this whole PLOT TWIST! thing.  
> PS. I'm sorry that it's short and took a long time (again) I'm working full time again and I have finals. BUT soon my precious readers the semester will be over and I will write everyday again!  
> <3 your faces!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Science Fiction, Double Feature](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7481355) by [King of Kirkwall (Archangel_Venom)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archangel_Venom/pseuds/King%20of%20Kirkwall)




End file.
